Chapter5
757 Words
WAKING UP LATE, I HAD no hint of a hangover. The hair of the dog, man. We met in the Preservation Hall for a pre-dinner drink. Lisa had booked a table in Maxie’s Bistro. I felt anxious – not sure why. Probably the anticipation of what would happen after dinner. Doubt crept into my brain again – did she really like me, you know, that kind of thing? I downed my pint quick style –banishing the doubts. It was my first time at Maxie’s – thought it was a bit posh. Not saying it was a highfalutin eatery – it wasn’t, and I didn’t feel uncomfortable. Lisa looked like she f*****g lived there. Turned me on. I’ve no recollection of what I ate – other than it was a pasta dish. Not really a foodie. As long as my stomach was full – I was happy. I was only interested in my eating companion. We talked about nursing and s**t. It was brilliant. We shared a dessert, and during coffee, she asked why I chose nursing. Told her male nurses get asked that a lot. Not easy to answer other than to joke about it being a good way to meet lassies. Why not nursing? I liked helping folk. It was interesting work. Never boring and it being a female-dominated profession – it was a good way to meet lassies. She laughed so loud. We argued about the bill. She paid.
“You can pay the taxi to mine,” she smiled.
It was frigid walking into the Grassmarket, arm in arm, in the castle’s shadow – romantic as f**k. Jumping a cab – we were at her stair door in less than ten minutes. The central heating had left her living room toasty. The fireplace and the flames set the scene – it was totally perfect. ELO’s A New World Record, our love soundtrack. f*****g brilliant album. We kissed on the sofa.
“Do you want a drink, or do you want to get naked?” “Yes... I mean... Naked,” I half spluttered. (Smile. Big. Me. Her)
With a blanket and pillow, we moved to the rug in front of the fire. No hurry. We undressed each other and lay on her floor kissing. Fuck... It was... she was, beautiful man. Her soft-skinned body against mine. Dreamlike. It truly was. We didn’t sleep on the floor – we made it to the bedroom and underneath the duvet; her breathing body made me feel like I was home. After, I slept like a baby.
We became a serious item. I was totally mad about her, and she felt the same for me. Still, doubts occasionally crept into my head – I tried to ignore them. An itch I couldn’t scratch, chipping away at my brain, one cell at a time. How long would it take for me to be unfaithful? The sad truth: three f*****g months. She was at her folks, and I went for a night out with lassies from my class. We ended up in Sneaky Pete’s, and after being thrown out at three in the morning, we staggered back to the nurse’s home and I ended up in bed with one of my classmates. Was it worth it? Was it f**k! A drunken fumble for both of us. She had a boyfriend, and I didn’t even fancy her. Creeping out of her room at seven, I slunk back to mine. The alcohol wearing off, I stood over the sink, heaving my guts up. Guilt, man. Felt f*****g horrible. Every retch made me think of Lisa. I lay in bed all day – too sick to eat anything. Worse still, I had to phone Lisa. My stomach burned. I dialled her number. Overcome with guilt – I wanted to cry. Hearing her voice, I teared up. Thoughts of admitting my infidelity flooded my mind. If she knew, perhaps, I wouldn’t feel so f*****g bad. I said nothing – I’m not a total f*****g moron. Told her I had a terrible hangover – she laughed her lovely laugh; it made me feel worse. She let me go. I said I was going to bed early – nearly told her I loved her before hanging up! f**k. Nearly. We had yet to say the love word. We felt it though. Well, at least I did.
Felt guilty for days man. It faded and by the time she returned – I was back to normal. The guilt secreted in the back of my brain.
- Writer
