Se* & *rugs & Rock & Roll and Nursing

Chapter3

MY NURSING COURSE AT SOUTH Lothian College of Nursing and Midwifery began in November 1981. The move to my accommodation at the Royal Infirmary was painless – didn’t have much stuff to shift. The nurse’s home was a post-war slab of concrete, dotted with wee windows. A room, cupboard, and a sink, my room. Shared bathrooms. Most of my fellow residents were female. After twelve weeks in the classroom – we hit the wards and got to work. For the next year, my life was a mixture of surgical and medical wards, late-night boozing, early morning hangovers, and one-night stands. There were months spent in the classroom, too – and more drinking.

The nurse’s home was crawling with lassies enjoying their newfound freedom to the max and we had 999 Emergency Services discos every month in either Cinderella’s, Busters Brown’s, or Coasters. To get in, you had to work in one of the emergency services – free entry and promos on drinks. These club nights were full of firemen and policemen on the hunt for nurses.

A male nurse was a bit of a novelty. This, and the fact I wasn’t what you would call shy, made it easy for me to get off with girls. Not saying I shagged everyone I got off with – damn near did though, and I’d be lying if I said my success was down to my looks or physique. It wasn’t. Making lassies laugh was what I was good at it. I listened too – or at least I gave the impression of listening. Not being horrendous to look at helped. On a handsome score of one to ten, I’d put myself at a six. Add alcohol, and I was up to a seven. Making a girl laugh raised me to an eight or nine. Half joking – I’d tell folk if you made a girl laugh – you were halfway into her pants. Not true. Truth was if you made her laugh, you were two-thirds of the way into her knickers – definitely.

Most of my one-night stands were with girls I didn’t fancy much. A shag was a shag. Sometimes though, I was with girls I really fancied – this was an exception. Most lassies I fancied enough to shag – not enough to go out with. Working with females, going on ward nights out; more often than not, I’d end up in bed with a student or a staff nurse. Many had boyfriends; some were married – all looking for drunken fun. There were, however, a couple of times when either I or the girl wanted more. That’s when it became difficult, complicated. I was a complete cunt to a lot of girls.

I didn’t take pleasure in hurting them. f*****g hated doing that. Didn’t stop me though. When it was me who wanted more, things got sticky. I was totally incapable of keeping things simple – always wanting what I couldn’t have. It was in my DNA, and it was a real f*****g pain.