Finding the serial killer

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jake’s POV,

Sometimes when I close my eyes, when I'm upset, scared or alone or just emotional, I see a dark room. It doesn’t happen every day or every time I am desolated or upset or defeated. Just sometimes when I don’t expect it at all and I'm back in that room. A darkroom where I'm crawled to the corner, stuck to the wall. Scared and alone. It feels like a basement, there’s no window. Every time the same one, I've never seen it in real life, or didn’t have any recollection of it at least. But I remember it better than the basement in my home. almost like I've lived in there, knowing it’s nothing but a fragment of my imagination. Mom told me it was because of the trauma from the time I was left alone in the basement of a hotel. It’s so vivid, so fresh in my memory like a dream I see on repeat ever since as a kid.

I still wonder why I only see this. There is no explanation, just like there is no explanation for what kind of dream we will have.

The room is empty from where I sit, but I always see a pile of dirty clothes at the far end, they’re dirty and I can smell the rotting stench from my corner, I don’t know what color they are, but watching the different patterns of grey I know they are all different. Maybe some are even red. I live in that scene, it’s so dark for so long, I can start to see small things around the room, I can recognize different smells and different voices. I can see things that I would never look for in light. This is the reason I hate basements. I hate overwhelming smells. I hate things that remind me of that dream. And it’s really weird, just as I wake up, I begin to forget all about it. what’s left is the essence of that fear I've felt in those minutes, the fear I don’t really hate. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone in the dream, sometimes I think I'm tied to someone. Someone is there with me sometimes. And sometimes I'm free.

I've always been regular for my therapies, it’s the only reason I'm a work in progress and not a dead end. Dad hated this, men should be strong, things so small like a dream should not affect them. this is the reason I've never had peace with him. he always somehow makes me uncomfortable and miserable with his comments. He never wanted to let me move lone, never wanted me to go to the military or be a cop. He always wanted me to be by his side, do whatever he says.

He is the only reason I'm trying to be strong. I'm strong so I get out of bed today, I forget all the bad that has happened. My suspension, dad, this job, my phobia, the nightmare, I forget everything or at least I've decided to push it all in the back of my head. Only a few things I can do it, work, workout or cook. And with suspension and weekend, I have less of those options.

When I don’t know what exactly I have to do to pass the time I cook, today though isn’t the usual Sunday there is. I have work, very important work which determines my future and Emily’s. Then I remembered I had plans with Jerry and Stella too. We promised to have brunch together and then go out to select a few places for her restaurant’s setup. The work is boring, but just to know that my opinion mattered to them, I felt an inclination to help them.

When we were kids, we thought I'll die first because I'm older, I'll marry first because I'm older, my kids will be older than his. Now when he is about to be a husband, I know life is just a spontaneous journey. I haven’t been in any serious relationship with all of those twenty-something girls in school and university. And he is marrying his first love. We can't be any more different.

I never imagined Stella as my sister-in-law to be honest. Never is a strong word and I don’t use it often because I'm not always so confident with the spontaneity of the future. This was the only thing I was so sure of. Because at that time, Jerry was a nerdy kid, he was so quiet and conserved and shy, a complete bookworm, we were almost convinced he was anti-social where Stella was his polar opposite. She was a popular kid around school, and smart and everyone loved her, her fashion, her calmness, her composure. She is a year younger to me and a year older to Jerry and we all know it’s harder to impress older girls. So yeah, I thought it was impossible. Now, they aren’t just engaged, they are running four restaurants together, preparing for the fifth. Although I'm proud of Jerry for all he’s achieved, I can't deny the loads of insecurity and jealousy I come along with every milestone he uproots. He is a successful business owner. He’s found the love of his life. He’s doing everything better in every aspect of his life than I've ever did. So yeah, I'm super jealous but I can't do anything about this jealousy just be happy for him and try my best to live a live that is any less pathetic.

Chills run down my spine just as I was getting the casserole out of the oven and heard the bell rung. I almost broke it to pieces and burned myself badly. But all that was avoided thanks to my stunning reflexes I never I knew I had and the casserole slipped back in the over.

I ran to the door, it’s a little early for them to arrive. An hour early. As I open the door, I was sure of one thing, I was right. But I don’t know what Emily is doing here. she acts like she hates me all the time, but for a change in clothes less formal and hair less sleeked she looks less like a teacher who scolds me all the time and more like a friend visiting.