Danger's Edge

10 Hours

The three of us sit in the kitchen drinking tea, exchanging small talk. I don’t understand why Margaret invited herself here. However, I’m reluctant to ask, as our short conversation in the office this morning wasn’t particularly convivial. I don’t have to wait long, as her face takes on a more serious look, a moment before she opens the conversation.

“I expect today’s been quite an ordeal for you. How are you feeling now?”

I don’t know what to answer. I don’t really know how I feel. Everything is so surreal. I’m no longer feeling pain or aches, but it’s like my body’s not my own. Like I described before, an out-of-body experience. I’ve spent the day answering one question after another, trying to remember and visualising horrific scenarios of what’s happened to me. I’ve been pushed and prodded, had all sorts of samples taken and now I just feel numb. Instead of trying to explain, and risk appearing totally gormless, I merely say, “Okay, I guess.”

Margaret stares at me with intensity and it’s as if she can see into my very soul. “You don’t need to put on a brave face for me,” she says.

I remember her words when she phoned. “You said you might be able to help,” I say.

“I did,” she says. “I want you to know that you’re not alone and that there are people around to support you.”

“Thanks, I do have some good friends, but if that was all you meant, you could have said so on the phone.” I bite my tongue after uttering my thoughts, remembering I’m speaking to my boss.

She doesn’t appear to take offence. “There’s more,” she says. She lowers her eyes, unable to look me in the face. “When I said you weren’t alone, I meant in what you’ve gone through. I don’t want any of this discussed other than by the three of us, but I’ve gone through something similar. Well, I don’t know how similar it may have been, but I was sexually assaulted several years ago.”

“Really?” I gape and stare back at her, amazed. I’m uncertain if I’m more surprised at this happening to Margaret, or of her confiding in us.

“Don’t sound so shocked,” she says, a sparkle of humour in her eyes. “I wasn’t always this age and away from work, I’m nowhere close to being as austere.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Margaret holds up her hand to stop me. “I won’t go into details, but suffice to say, I understand what you must be feeling. It’s tough, really tough, but it’s something you’re going to get through and I’m here to help you in every way I can.”

“Can I ask if they caught the one who attacked you?” I question.

“No, they didn’t. He was never called to account. He got away scot-free and a lot of it’s probably my fault because I didn’t report him. It’s one of my greatest regrets.”

I can see Margaret’s eyes are welling up.

“It was a very long time ago and things were different then. It was before I met my husband. I didn’t have any family I could rely on and I felt alone, with no one to support me. Back in those days, the police and the courts were a lot less understanding of victims. I wasn’t confident that I’d have the strength to be dragged through the system, giving evidence and being cross-examined. The awful part is, I know who it was and I’m fairly confident that he’s got away with the same thing over and over because no-one stood up to him.”

Margaret pauses, then adds, “Let me tell you, I’m proud of you, Briony, because you’re strong enough to stand up for yourself.”

“Don’t be too quick in giving praise. I don’t feel very strong just now, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to cope.” I can feel my teardrops wetting my cheeks. “It’s so difficult to handle because I literally don’t know what happened to me. I’m hoping the police will find something. I’ve given a statement and they’re looking into it now.”

Margaret nods. “You’ve already been able to do more than I could,” she says. “Would you like to tell me all that you know?”

I give a rundown on my whole day, explaining everything that I’ve gone through, what’s been said, my visions and my fears and trepidations. I see Margaret close her eyes when I describe my visualisation of the girl being molested.

“What are you planning to do now?” she asks me.

“I haven’t been able to plan. I just couldn’t. Besides, there has been no time.” I try to put my thoughts into words. “If it wasn’t that my parents are away until after the weekend, then I’d probably stay with them for a while. I don’t feel at all comfortable here in my flat now, but I don’t want to be alone.”

“I can stay with you if you like,” Alesha offers. “I would offer to have you back to my place, but it could be awkward because I still live at home with my mum and dad.”

“Jenny’s in the same position as she lives with her mum,” I say. “I could stay with her, but I wouldn’t want to go through explaining anything.”

“If you like, I can stay with you here, or at your parent’s house. I’ll only have to pick up a change of clothes and let my folks know what I’m doing,” Alesha offers.

“I’ve a better alternative,” Margaret says. “I want you to come back home with me. I stay in a bungalow in Clarkston, it’s not too far away. You too, Alesha. You’ll be able to support Briony. I have plenty of room now that my children have grown and moved off to university.”

I’m taken aback by the kindness of her offer, so much so that I speak without thinking. “What about your husband? Wouldn’t he…”

“Jeffrey? I’m sure he’d be pleased to have the company.”

“But I thought …” I stop, not knowing what to say. I can hardly tell her what I’ve heard about her husband.

“Too much thinking and too much gossip,” Margaret says. She purses her lips. “Do you really believe I don’t know about the ridiculous rumours that go around in the office? I’ve heard at least four variations speculating that I’m married to a brute, or a criminal, or a madman, trying to explain why I’m rarely seen outside of office hours.”

I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment and, from the corner of my eye, I see Alesha is having the same reaction.

Margaret chuckles. “Jeffrey’s a sweetheart. I don’t think I’ve ever met a kinder man.”

“But if you know there are rumours,” Alesha asks, “why don’t you set the record straight?”

Margaret shrugs. “For one thing, I don’t want to feel pressured into telling people about my private life. I shouldn’t have to give anyone explanations. Of course, I’ve told Jeffrey what’s been said about him and he thinks it’s funny.”

“I don’t understand,” I say.

“I’ll tell you because you’re going to find out anyway when you come to my house.” Margaret doesn’t seem to acknowledge any possibility that I won’t accept her offer. “Jeffrey is a former police officer. He was a sergeant in the serious crime unit, and he had twenty years of service. After he was injured in the line of duty, he had an operation which was botched. It left him unable to walk, and he has limited use of one arm. As a result, he needs to spend most of his waking hours in a wheelchair. He was invalided out of the force and now rarely leaves the house.”

“Oh, how sad,” Alesha says. I want to comment and show empathy, but I feel lost for words. I don’t know what to say.

“Now, don’t you dare show you feel sorry for him or he’ll have your guts for garters. The one thing he can’t take is other people’s sympathy. It’s why no one in the office knows about it. No one except Stuart Ronson, that is. Although much of Jeffrey’s body is wasted, his mind is as sharp as it ever was. More so.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Alesha starts.

Margaret waves aside the apology. “Jeffrey’s brilliant on computers. He received specialist training and learned a lot when he was working on criminal investigations, but since leaving, he’s had the time to hone his abilities.” There’s a smile on her face and her admiration is obvious. “A few years back, he started a freelance research business after a couple of private investigators asked him to do some work. Between his computer skills and the contacts he had through his former work, he was able to achieve some amazing results. He now works directly for companies and private clients as well as PI’s and he’s so busy, he frequently needs to turn clients away. It isn’t his disability that keeps him home, it’s the love of what he’s able to achieve on the internet.”

I’m intrigued. I don’t want to be alone and although Alesha has offered to stay with me, I don’t relish the prospect of staying in my flat. My parents’ home would be preferable, but it isn’t ideal. Particularly as I haven’t worked out yet how I’m going to explain to them what’s been going on and why I didn’t tell them sooner. I’m sure Jenny will offer some help, but I don’t know when she’ll be here, or what she’ll be able to do. The prospect of Alesha staying with me at Margaret’s home has some definite appeal.

“Briony, why don’t you put together a bag of things you’ll need, so I can take you back to mine and introduce you to Jeffrey before it gets much later? I can stop off at your house, Alesha, if you want to pick anything up.”

“Okay by me,” Alesha says. “I’ll give my mum a ring now, so she knows what’s going on.”

Margaret looks at me and, seeing no dissent, nods. “Good, that’s decided.”

The decision has been taken away from me and I’m relieved and nervous at the same time. “I’d better call Jenny and let her know what I’m doing. I’ll have to call Paula as well. She said to let the police know where I would be, in case anyone needs to contact me.”

I call Paula’s number first, but she isn’t available. Margaret provides me with her address and phone numbers, which I give to the officer who answered. He tells me he will record it on my file.

I call Jenny’s number and she answers on the third ring. “Good news. I’ve arranged to have tomorrow off so I can spend it with you and I’m not on duty or on call at all this weekend. I’ll be able to be with you, if you want. I can drive you anywhere you need to go. I’m just finishing up here for tonight, so I’ll be round soon. I can be there in half an hour.”

I explain to Jenny about my change of plan. Following a pause, she asks, “Are you sure you want to do that? You hardly know these people. Why would you want to spend tonight with them? Are you not already in a fragile enough state?”

I feel uncertain. Can Jenny be right? Am I putting even more pressure on myself?

Margaret calls across, “Would Jenny like to come and stay as well? Invite her. We’ve got plenty of room.”

Jenny overhears the offer. “No, thank you,” she replies. “I want you to know that I’m here for you, Briony, but I don’t want to spend tonight in a strange house with people I don’t know.”

“You’ve met them before. You’ve come along to a couple of my office nights out. You must have seen Alesha there and I think I must have introduced you to Margaret, the time you picked me up after work.”

“I might have heard you mention their names before. I can’t be certain, but they’re not people you know well. I do remember meeting some of your colleagues, but I don’t recollect ever meeting Alesha. As for Margaret, isn’t she the one you complained to me about, the first-class b***h? No, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay with them tonight.”

I feel confused; it’s a dilemma. Jenny’s correct, I hardly knew Alesha before today and my opinion of Margaret was anything but favourable. A few moments ago, I decided I’d be going, but now I don’t feel so certain. I again try to consider the alternatives and it helps me choose. “I’ve made up my mind, Jenny. I’m going to spend tonight at Margaret’s. I haven’t even thought about tomorrow yet. You could come over, even if you don’t stay.”

I want my friends around me. Maybe I should say more, but I don’t.

“If that’s your decision, then it’s up to you. You must do whatever you think suits you best. Call me in the morning and I’ll come over.” Jenny’s words sound placatory and supportive, but I can hear an edge in her voice. She doesn’t sound happy.

“Okay,” I say. “I don’t have my mobile, but I can remember your number.”

After I hang up the phone, I realise my talk with Jenny has left me feeling even more drained. I’m uncertain and vulnerable. When I stand, my legs are unsteady. I make no attempt to move.

“Would you like some help to sort a bag?” Alesha offers.

“I think I can manage,” I reply, but my voice must have been unconvincing, because Alesha follows me into the bedroom and helps when I go to lift an overnight case from atop my wardrobe and fill it with nightwear, a change of clothes and some toiletries.