THE CAMERA AND THE CROWN

THE COLOUR OF CHAOS

Grayson was having a "moment." And by "moment," he meant he was throwing a $4,000 silk throw pillow at the wall because the sky was the wrong shade of blue.

"It’s clashing, Father Thomas! Look at it!" Grayson pointed a trembling, manicured finger at the window. "The sky is 'Cerulean,' but my new limited-edition 'Royal Rebellion' sneakers are 'Electric Azure.' The discordance is physically painful. My followers will think I’ve lost my eye for colour theory!"

"Your Radiance," the priest whispered, adjusting his camera lens. "The sky is... well, it’s the sky. It’s been that colour for several billion years."

"Then it’s overdue for a rebrand!" Grayson snapped. He pulled out his phone and opened a mass-broadcast app. "Attention all citizens of Aethelgard! Effective immediately, the colour 'Cerulean' is cancelled. Anyone caught wearing it will be blocked—physically and digitally. We are pivoting to 'Electric Azure.' Paint your houses. Paint your cars. Paint your cats if you have to!"

The Branding Committee (Rihanna and the Wood)

Grayson marched into the Royal Garden to oversee the "Azure Transformation," only to find Rihanna sitting in a patch of dirt, holding a piece of charcoal. She was carefully colouring a white lily black.

"Rihanna! Did you not get the push notification?" Grayson shrieked. "Azure! We are doing Azure! Black is so 'Mid-2000s Emo.' It’s depressing."

"The flowers are mourning, Grayson," Rihanna said, her voice a flat, eerie monotone. "They told me the colour Azure is actually the scream of a trapped star. If we use too much of it, the ground will turn into liquid glitter and swallow the palace."

"Liquid glitter? That actually sounds like a great backdrop for a transition video," Grayson mused, checking his reflection in his phone’s black screen. "But for now, stick to the brand. And put that charcoal away. You look like you’ve been mining for coal in a dollhouse."

The Barking Truth (Part 3)

Barnaby was currently rolling in a patch of mud, specifically a patch that Grayson had ordered to be covered in Azure-colored silk tarps.

"WOOF! BARK-BARK-WOOF!" ("Oh, look at you, Little Lord Fontleroy. Rebranding the atmosphere? You’ve got more ego than a stadium full of influencers. By the way, your 'Electric Azure' sneakers make your feet look like two giant blueberries.")

Grayson gasped so loudly his lungs whistled. "Blueberries?! These are art, Barnaby! You wouldn't know art if it bit you on your fluffy, unpedicured behind!"

"WOOF." ("I know a fashion victim when I see one. You’ve got a smudge of black charcoal on your cheek. Rihanna’s 'mourning' look is actually trending higher than your shoes right now. Check the tags.")

The Celebrity "Casual" Consultation

Grayson frantically checked the trending page. #GothRihanna was at #2. #GraysonsAzure was struggling at #45.

"NO! I am the trendsetter! I am in the moment!" Grayson pulled his phone out and hit the speed dial for a world-famous pop star known for her neon outfits. "Billie? Yes, it’s Grayson. Listen, I need you to fly to the palace. Now. I need you to stand next to me and look bored while I explain why Azure is the new Black. Yes, I’ll pay for the jet. No, you can’t bring your own lighting team. My Priests are sensitive."

He hung up and looked at Barnaby. "You see? I have resources. I have reached!"

"WOOF." ("You have a 1% battery and your sister just started a livestream of a snail. The snail has 10 million viewers. You’re losing, kid.")

Grayson looked over. Rihanna was indeed holding her phone over a snail crawling on her charcoal-covered lily. The comments were scrolling so fast they were a blur.

"THE SNAIL IS THE PROPHET," the comments screamed.

Grayson fell to his knees on the Azure silk. "I’m being outperformed by a gastropod. My life is a tragedy. Father Thomas! Film me crying! But make sure the tears look 'dewy,' not messy!