King of Anything

07

I walk aimlessly, thoughtlessly. It rains for a bit, a while back, a short drizzle, but enough that there's still water on the streets.

Have you ever dropped your phone in water?

And you panic, you rush to find some rice, you soak it for a whole day. And then, anxiously, you retrieve it, put it back together. You you hold that power button.

And your stomach drops, hoping it will turn on.

And then it does. It turns on, and you breathe, not realizing you were holding your breath, waiting to see if you'd lost everything.

But have you ever noticed, that even if it turns on. Even if it works fine, there's always something-something about it that's...different.

Something doesn't work as well as it used to. Something is damaged inside of that phone, and you know it, you can feel it.

I'm like that phone. I was dropped in Scar's world, dropped into him. And even though, I scrambled to fix the damage, something about me is forever changed.

Water damaged memories float down the street on steams of rain.

I'm water-damaged. A water damaged Queen.

But what now? You can always buy a new phone. I can't buy a new memory. A new life.

I'm just...damaged. Far too damaged. Am I beyond repair, I wonder?

If someone took me into a shop would they say, I'm sorry, bud. You're gonna need a new one, this one's busted.

Am I busted?

It's a funny thought, isn't it?

I don't know what to do now? This aimless feeling, this feeling of eternal wandering. It's almost like an ancient spell.

I curse you to wander, empty, forever more.

Am I cursed?

I guess...I could just settle back into society. Get a nine-to-five, pretend this never happened. Blend in with the average worker bee, as if I hadn't killed.

As if I'm not busted. As if I'm not cursed. Water damaged.

Maybe I should do that. What am I waiting for? Something extraordinary? Another hand to come along?

Haven't I learned my lesson?

I would die. I would kill myself. But I'm too scared. I don't have it in me, to do it. Got nothing to live for, this emptiness inside, and yet...

I'm too scared to die. I don't want to die. I want to end this emptiness, but I don't want to die.

I'm too weak to.

So here I am, wandering. Like a lost soul, searching for heaven or hell, or purgatory.

Just searching for its place.

I thought I was a Queen, but now I think it's time I take off my crown.

I'm not extraordinary. I'm just...alive. I can be a mindless worker-bee, can't I?

What else do I have?

So that's what I do. That's what I decide. I'll work, get money, and die. Like everyone else.

It's okay. After all, those who don't die, but refuse to live? They exist.