Pearl: Luminous

Chapter 4

As the cold breeze caresses my face, nostalgia grips every corner of my heart.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I felt grief.

I still do not know why he had to go, it’s just not fair. My mom and I left with this sorrow.

It has been week since my father died,

My daddy died in a car ambush.

I passed by to the Family Portrait that’s hanging on the wall, it was Mommy, Daddy and I was in the middle.

I wipe my tears as I felt a pain my chest, it’s too painful…

“I never got a chance to say I love you Daddy,”

We may have a little fight most of the time, but I miss those days when you always brought me to school, when you braid my hair, and you have dad-jokes.

I laughed while tears were falling from my eyes remembering those memories.

“I never got a chance to hug you dad, it hurts that I had never say goodbye”

“Please show yourself to me daddy”

I am crying, my heart aches with pain for the face I could no longer touch nor see.

I must be crazy for talking to talking to the picture on the wall. I wiped my tears again and take a deep breath.

“I hope that you are happy wherever you are now dad, I promise to take care of mommy, and we have you in our heart no matter how far you are now daddy…

I could no longer dance with you on my birthdays…

You could no longer walk with me in aisle on the most important day in my life, but dad…

I will remember you each day that I live and keep with me the good times that we shared. You’ll always live in my heart daddy, please be at peace now”

Again, I wiped my tears and looked for the last time as I pull away the curtain making it cover the Family Portrait on the wall.

When I open the door I saw mommy on the bed, She’s holding their wedding album and crying.

Seeing her crying pained me and it breaks my heart. I came to her and hugged her.

I could only wish that I can take away the pain that she is feeling now, mommy loves daddy so much. Just like me, she was once a ballet dancer but when daddy came, she chooses him, she give up her career for him. That’s how much she loves daddy.

She is now sleeping, and there are still tears in her eyes, so I wiped it and put comforter on her. I looked at her and leave her room.

When I open my room the cold welcomed me,

I lay down in my bed and hugged my pillow. I shut my eyes and wondered,

Where would this pain lead me?

It suffocating, I grasp for air when I couldn’t breathe.

I’m trying to be positive but my heart is in broken pieces and it hurts deep in my chest.

The next morning, I woke up feeling the same.

I opened the door when I heard someone knocked.

It was nanny, telling me that mommy is waiting for me.

I hurriedly came downstairs, only see things packed up.

“Mommy, what is happening? Are you leaving?” I asked her, I could feel my heart beating so fast, is she leaving too? I couldn’t bear another heart ache.

“I’m sorry Princess” she said that made me confused.

“Where are you going mommy? Are you leaving me too?” I felt tears pooled in my eyes.

“Mommy…” it was long silence before she speak.

“I had always been passionate about dancing, I had then promised to pursue Ballerina but when I meet your dad… I had changes of heart...

I give up my passion because I love him so much”

She said as tears continuously rolled down on her cheeks.

“We promised to cherish life and to grow old together but he left me…

He left me with pained and broken heart” she added and I felt my chest tightened.

She is crying, unconsciously I also am, it hurts seeing her suffering with grief.

“I need time.” she said,

“I need time to heal, Pearl I’m sorry but I promise to come back” She added as she embrace me.

“Mommy where are you going? Please don’t leave me.” I cried.

“No, Pearl I Promised I will be back. I promised princess I will be back. I know that it hurts for too but you have to stay here. You have to finish your school.” She said.

“But mommy…” I couldn’t speak further,

But then maybe she really need time, I know how much she loves daddy and it must been so difficult for her. I need to understand her.

I nodded, “Mommy just please come back when you’re ready” I said crying loudly.

“I promised.” She said and kissed me on my forehead.

“I love you Pearl”

“I love you too mommy”

I watched her as she grabbed her things.

It hurts so much…

I feel like my family is drifting apart.

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.

But I couldn’t do anything, I kneeled down and feel the pain it brought to me.

I watched the car as it leaves, taking my heart with it.