The Abused Girl |Old Version|

Chapter Seven

I FELT EXHAUSTED.

It was like all the energy inside of me had been sucked out of my body. With every step I took forward, my body ached and groaned in protest. All my focus was on keeping myself from crumpling to the floor. My eyelids felt heavy and threatened to close nearly every minute. While my body and brain were begging for sleep and rest, I knew that wasn't an option for me. I

My stomach and thighs were burning and I struggled to keep my face pain-free. I grasped the staircase tightly, my knuckles turning white as I slowly took one step at a time. I  ignored the strange and curious stares I was receiving from others. By chance, my gaze landed on a particular group of girls, all of whom were looking directly at me. My stomach tightened at the worried look in their eyes. Marielle, Sophie and Lily. I stopped for a brief moment as all the memories I had with them hit me full force. Images of us laughing, joking and goofing around flashed through my brain. I slowly clenched my other hand, digging my nails into my skin as I continued down the staircase, lowering my eyes. I couldn't look at them. I didn't know how I would ever be able to face them after being an awful friend to them.

"Ana!"

I clenched my jaw as I heard Daniel's familiar voice shout down the hallway. I could feel the glares directed at me. I didn't turn around, instead I calmly began to walk away, although the pace at which I was walking was very slow since I was injured.

"Hey wait up!"

I could hear Daniel's footsteps come closer to me and I stopped, turning to face him. He had a smile on his face as he approached me. He didn't even seem to be aware of the looks of disgust, hatred and confusion we were both receiving. Well, me more so than him. He was just getting confused looks.

"Hey, did you not hear me?" Daniel said grinning at me. His kind face looked down at me and I felt an overwhelmingly feeling of guilt. I hated that I had to be brusque with him. I wanted to talk with him, I wanted to be his friend.

"Uhm. . ." I mumbled, wringing my hands together. "Daniel, maybe we should talk later?" I said softly.

He frowned down at me, looking confused. "Why?" He asked, stepping closer. "If this is about what you said the first day-"

"Of course, it is!" I hissed quietly, trying to inch away. "You don't understand Daniel-"

He raised an eyebrow at me challengingly. "You're not letting me understand." He said.

The light pressure on my heart started to increase as more and more students began to fill the hallways. My breathing became faster and lighter and I knew I needed to leave. Quickly.

"I have to go." I whispered before quickly turning and running away before he could stop me. He called after me as I pushed past the crowds of students but I paid no heed to him. I kept my eyes trained on the floor, desperate to get out of the watchful eyes of everyone.

I reached my classroom door and let out a sigh of relief. I pulled down the handle and entered the classroom. It was nearly empty, apart from a few students. There weren't many people who took Home Economics as a class so there was less than twenty of us here.

I made my way over to my table and paused for a second when someone was occupying the seat beside me. Normally, I sat by myself. Shrugging to myself, I pulled out my seat and sat down and rested my head on the table, blocking out the chatter of everyone in class. I was peacefully day dreaming, when someone poked my shoulder. I ignored them and didn't move. They poked again.

And again.

And again.

I lifted my head slowly, ready to murder whoever was disturbing my sleep. I thought it might be Daniel but he wasn't in this class. In fact, we had very few classes together. We had Chemistry and Biology and that was it. However, instead I was met with bright green eyes, and blonde curly hair.

I shut my mouth which was about to fire out insults. "Can I help you?" I asked instead, trying not to sound annoyed.

The boy looked at me, a smile playing on his lips. "I'm Jace."

I stated blankly at him. I had never seen him around before.

He let out a snort of laughter, "You look like you want to kill me."

I folded my arms across my chest, "Well you did just interrupt my sleep."

He smiled at me again, "I was just making sure you were alive."

I rolled my eyes. I was pretty sure he could have told if I want alive. "Sure. What do you actually want? Homework?"

Now he looked guiltily at me. He scratched the back of his neck. "Uhm. . ."

My heart just dropped in disappointment but I covered it up well. I wasn't sure why I thought he would want to actually talk to me.

I pulled out my copy and pointed to a few of the math questions we had to do. "We had question one, three and five." I said, pointing to them.

He smiled brightly at me. "Thanks!" He grabbed my copy and turned around, and started chatting to his own friends. My annoyance grew as I saw him share my copy around, and everyone started copying it down. I glared at Jace for a moment before calming down. It wasn't a big deal.

It really wasn't.

I was just sick of being used.

~~~

I WAS ANGRY.

I felt this anger build up inside of me and it wasn't a feeling I was used to. I wanted to tell Daniel, and be free from all of this. I felt like he had a strong suspicion anyways, but he couldn't prove anything. It would be so easy to just tell him. It was funny how all I had to do was open my mouth and tell someone, anyone, and I would be free from this. . . But I couldn't. Some part of me wouldn't let me. Every time I opened my mouth, I froze and fear took over me. The fear of the future, and the fear of someone not believing me. I imagined someone looking st me and laughing, calling me a liar.

However, I was so sick and tired of this. I was tired of living with this constant fear of John. Part of me, really really wanted to go outside and just scream for someone to help me. Why was I subjected to this torture? I was hypocrite, I wanted someone to find out and take me away from here, but at the same time I didn't want my father to be arrested, which was what would probably happen. I would feel guilty knowing that I sent him to prison, and yes, I understand all that he did horrible things to me, something no father should ever do to their child, but he was my father. I still remembered all the good memories I had of him.

However, I was back in my own personal hell. John loomed over me as he slowly stepped around me, while I lay curled up on the floor defenseless. I wasn't sure how long has passed. An hour? Half an hour? But God, it felt like forever. Hit after hit, slap after slap. It never ended. It was like a living nightmare. I could never wake up from it. I didn't know how much more I could take before I fully cracked.

I didn't know how he became this monster. I didn't know if he had always been like this, and I had never noticed. I didn't know if we all just turned a blind eye to who he really was, because it got me thinking, if he could do this to me when I was just a child, was he always this kind of person? Was he like this with Mom? Did she know this was the kind of man she married? Surely, you couldn't just become like this after the death of a loved one? Because if that was what life was like, I didn't want to be here anymore. I saw how death turned him into a monster. Slowly, but surely.

I noticed he started to get this glint in his eye, every time he would hurt me. As if he actually got pleasure out of hurting me, his own daughter. But death can't do that to any person, you have to have some bit of evil in you already right?

I remember the first day he slapped me. He had this... horrified look on his face, as if he couldn't just believe what he had done. He looked as if someone had possessed him and made him do it. He had apologized profusely and I accepted it. He took me out for ice cream, and bought me a couple of new toys to play with and I forgave him because I loved him.

Then it started becoming more frequent. An 'accident' here and there. He knew each time I would forgive him. Maybe that was my mistake. I forgave him too much. I was basically telling him it was okay to hit me. He always promised me that it wouldn't happen again. He said it was the alcohol, that he was angry and upset, and didn't mean to take it out on me. But the look I saw in his eyes said different. As weeks passed, he didn't look like my father anymore. He was someone else. Sure, physically, he was my father, but every time I looked into his cold, dark eyes, I knew that wasn't my father. My father had warm, bright eyes, always full of laughter and kindness.

I always ended up asking myself, how? How could someone do this to someone else? Not just someone else, but to their own child?

Could he not hear my cries? My pleas for him to stop?

Before my mother died of cancer, she told me to look after John. I guess maybe that's partly why I'm still here. Maybe she knew he would turn out like this. Shouldn't she have asked John to look after me? Why did she make me promise her? I always thought I failed her - maybe if I had done something different, he wouldn't have turned out like this.

I missed her.

Sometimes I wished he died instead of her. Was that a horrible thing to say?

I snapped out of my thoughts, and continued to tend to my wounds. My skin was cracked and red, blood trickling down my sides. I welcomed the familiar stinging pain as I sighed and grabbed another antiseptic wipe and shut my eyes in pain as I wiped the area. My eyes watered slightly but I bit my lip to stop any noises from escaping.

Suddenly I heard the front door bang open and John's voice shot up the stairs.

"Get down here b***h!"

I quickly scrambled off my makeshift bed, and flung my door open. Quietly, I stepped downstairs to see John. . . Dressed nicely for once. His suit was ironed to crisp, hair combed and he didn't smell of beer or alcohol. His eyes were bloodshot anymore. He looked like he used to.

"You cleaned the place." He noted, his eyes not missing anything as they skimmed over the house briefly. "Good. Now get out."

I frowned and I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. "I have guests. Get the f**k out. I don't want to see you until tomorrow morning."

I gulped and pointed upstairs. "Can I just get my -"

He slammed his hand down on the table, the plates clattering. "You have two minutes and I want you gone. Clear?"

I nodded and rushed upstairs into my room grabbing clothes, phone, my wallet and a few other essential things I might need. I looked around briefly before slinging my bag over my shoulder, and rushed downstairs again. John was waiting, holding the door open for me. His eyes narrowed on me as he soon as he saw me and pushed me out.

He didn't even say goodbye before he quickly slammed the door shut in my face. I stood there blankly, unsure of what to do or where to go.

I slipped on my shoes, before walking down our driveway. I only had around a hundred euro with me, which was probably enough for one night in a bad hotel somewhere.

The sun was starting to set and I knew I needed to find somewhere to stay and soon. I pulled out my phone searching for hotels or hostels in the area. A few popped up, some of which looked fancy and way too expensive. I sighed frustratedly as I scrolled down through the list.

There was one five minutes from where I was. I decided to go there and see if they had any free spaces. Turning off my phone to save battery I began walking in the direction where it was located. I knew I was receiving some curious glances from passerby's but I ignored them.

Soon, the hostel came into view and I sped up, noticing the sun would be setting soon. I didn't want to be out on the streets while it was dark. I grimaced at the sight of the slightly run-down building and notified a few sketchy people hanging around it. Swallowing, I kept my head upright and pushed the doors open, the rusty bell ringing as I walked in.

The receptionist was an old lady, maybe in her sixties, smoking while watching the television mounted on the wall. She looked over me as I neared.

"Hi." I began. "I need a room for the night -"

"I. D?" She cut me off, looking me up and down.

"Sure." I mumbled, and rooted through my bag pulling out my Drivers License and handing it to her. She snatched it from me, flipping it over, and looking at me and then the picture. Sighing she rolled her eyes and sat straighter.

"How many nights?" She asked monotonously.

"Just one." I replied quietly, looking around.

"That's seventy then." She said, typing something into her computer slowly. I handed her the money and she took it from me, counting it before stuffing it into her pocket.

"Here." She thrust a pair of keys at me. "Rooms on the second floor."

I caught them, cringing at the grime on it but smiled at her anyways. "Thank you."

She ignored me and returned to watching whatever it was on the television. I sighed and made my way towards the stairs, climbing them slowly.

I looked down at the key and saw the number 29 on it and looked at all the doors before I found my room. I slid my key into the door, unlocking it and pushing it open.

The room wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The bed sheets looked new and clean, the carpet wasn't too dirty and there was even some tinned food in the mini fridge. I set my bag down on the bed sighing.

My body ached and was begging for me to just lie down and sleep, and just as I was about to curl up in the cold room, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Letting out an annoyed sigh, I unfurled my arms from around myself and dug my hands into my pocket, pulling out my phone. I squinted at the bright screen, focusing my eyes on the caller name.

My mouth opened in shock as I saw my brother's name flash across the screen. With a shaky hand, I accepted the call, slowly bringing the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I spoke hesitantly.

"Ana!"

Tears stung my eyes as my brother's excited voice sounded through the phone. I pulled the phone away from my ear for a moment as I covered my mouth with my hand. I felt an ache in my heart as I imagined his smiling face. Sniffling lightly, I brought the phone closer to me. "Hey bro." I greeted sadly.

"I'm so sorry I haven't called," Devin said, "It's just things here have been hectic and with me working and being on the football team, I just haven't found the time to call as often as I'd like."

While I was happy Devin was finally in a happier stage in his life, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the life he was living. He was completely independent now, he lived on his own, had his own car and had a group of friends he could rely on. I envied him because of that.

"It's okay Dev," I said after a moment, "I know college alone must be tiring."

"Yeah," he agreed, "But anyways, tell me, what's going on with you? We haven't talked in ages."

"Me?" I questioned, my voice raising a pitch. "Oh nothing, you know. Just the usual."

"Oh come on Ana," Devin groaned, "Nothing? How about Dad? How is he?"

"What can I say, I have a very boring life," I said smiling, "And Dad. . . Dad is great!" I cleared my throat as my voice cracked. "I miss you."

"Actually that's why I rang," Devin said after a short pause. "I wanted to tell you I'll be coming down to see you guys this week!"

I shot up in bed, the covers pooling around my waist. My mouth dropped open as I processed what he just said. "What?"

"Yeah!" Devin laughed, mistaking my shocked tone for excitement. "I can't wait to see you and Dad again! It's been so long since it's been the three of us."

I let out a quiet sigh, burying my face in my hands. If Devin came down here to visit, how would I ever be able to hide all of this from him?

"I can't wait!" I said, forcing myself to at least sound excited. "I can't wait."