Too Close, Too Fast

Life Is My Parade Now

Vanessa

October 11

Tonight is possibly the best time of my life! I am sure that everything will be just perfect from now on – finally everything started working as I had planned it. I already quit my job in the fashion studio – even though it would be nice to stay there to watch out, if Kirstie doesn’t want to steal my man, it would be a bit suspicious, if me and her worked together – I mean, Nick shouldn’t know I have any connection to her (so I will probably have to trust that William guy to stay here and keep an eye out on her for me) , plus fashion isn’t really my thing. I returned to waitressing job, this time a nice little diner hired me and I actually feel a little like at home there.

Maybe it’s because the diner (its name is Carla’s Diner) is located just around the corner from Nick’s apartment. Even on my first day there, I saw him through the window. He was crossing a street and my heart made a little kick in me. So, today after work, I made sure I looked awesome. I mean, now after all the plastic surgery, I look awesome all the time – but you know – hair, make-up, nails, everything new and shiny. When I looked into the mirror, I knew – it was the time to meet Nick officially. Talk to him and let him to fall in love with me.

I was positive he planned on playing bowling with few guys from the force Friday night. So all I had to do – was, to wait for him. Usually he was on his way home around 10 pm, or 11, if the guys stayed for drinks after the game. He always goes home by subway, so I waited near the 33 Street Station for him. When he showed up, I started following him, but I took a shortcut and overtook him on the corner of 33rd and Park Avenue. And then I ‘accidentally bumped into him’.

It was a perfect moment – just like I imagined it. Straight from a beautiful romantic comedy – my iced vanilla latte spilled all over his coat and I started apologizing for it immediately. “Never mind, I am just glad it wasn’t a hot coffee!” He laughed with amusement and easement. I started laughing too but I apologized once more and then I insisted I will pay the cleaning of his coat. “No, no, don’t worry about it, I have worn this thing for years, maybe it’s a sign I should buy a new clothes,” He was joking, I got that, but the part about the coat being a few years old, was actually true. I remember he wore it even around the time he was dating that nurse Esme. She was a dangerous one - it was her, who made Nick realize I was ‘nutcase’ and that he should try to cut all the ties with me (her words!) . I made her pay for it, but sadly it drove me and Nick away, as I was not careful enough.

But, back to the moment when I offered Nick my help and suggested, that I know a perfect way to get rid of stains. “I live nearby,” he said and happily welcomed me into his apartment. I’ve never actually been there in reality, I only knew how it looked from the times I was in the building across the street and tried  ‘watching over’ Nick. But I really enjoyed even the feeling of actually standing on that dark brown floor made out of oak. And that looking from the big window onto the busy street. Of course when he got in the apartment, we totally forgot about cleaning the coat and focused only on the romantic aspect of our encounter. Nick was really passionate (just like I have always pictured him to be) and we ended up in the bedroom really quickly. Since he was kissing me and undressing me, I had totally different thoughts than admiring the blue walls, big wardrobe with a sliding mirror doors or amazingly roomy bed with white sheets. I barely noticed it, but later, when our romantic adventure hit a pause (because poor Nick was so tired that he felt asleep), I had time to examine everything to detail. But I got too excited and now I can’t sleep…

So I went to the bathroom. When I was washing my hands, I looked into the mirror. And I flinched (AGAIN?!) because at first I had a weird feeling that somebody else is staring at me back. But it’s okay, I only forgot again, that’s how I look like now. Golden straight hair, big sensual lips and… brown eyes. The plastic surgeon wasn’t sure that he could pull off the Britney look I had wanted (because Nick has always found her sexy)… But I think he did a pretty good job. Only I was too scared to undergo the other operation to change my eye color. I didn’t want to end up blind, so thank God for the creation of contact lenses!

‘Ok, I should probably take them of, before going to sleep’, I thought. So, I did it. And that was weird. Truth is, I got really used to having brown eyes, but now? The original and true blue ones were looking back at me. My real eye color brought back some ugly memories, I wish I could forget – erase from my memory as a spam in email or an old folder on the computer. Every time I think I am happy and everything will be just fine, my brain fails me like this and starts sending me bad moments from my past. Even if I close my eyes, I still see my high school year book and my terrible photo in it.

Nobody even wanted to sign it for me, just Nick (and even from him it was an act of mercy). “To Vanessa, my buddy for life. This world will be YOUR parade now.” Buddy... Yeah, he always wanted to stay just friends. I’ve cried a million tears over that sentence. Then I decided, maybe it would be better to start concentrating on that other sentence. He was right, of course. This world can be my parade... but I had to try and never give up.

June 17 2000

I got my braces off that year and even tried contact lenses for the first time, because I wanted to look my best on the prom night and that didn’t seem possible with my big hideous glasses… I thought me and Nick would go together as friends, then he would realize that I am beautiful and amazing and it would be great to date me. He would kiss me and everything would turn out to be magical.

Then all my hopes were smashed - Nick asked out his crush Jasmine and she agreed. Together they spent the magical night that I had been dreaming about. And I was left to be alone. Nobody wanted to go with me, so I went alone. Nobody wanted to neither dance... nor take a photo with me. I felt like garbage.

Then halfway through the night, Nick, came to me and rescued me, like he always did. He introduced me to Jasmine and said something like: “You are the two most important girls in my life now. I hope you’ll become friends.” It was heart crushing, if anything. Why couldn’t I be the ONLY important girl? Then it became clear in my mind out of a sudden – if Jasmine wasn’t in Nick’s life, I WOULD BE THE ONLY IMPORTANT ONE. But of course, I wasn’t ready to act on my idea yet, so I tried to be friends with Jasmine, even though I hated her with all my heart.

She was perfect, a beautiful cheerleader, popular, from normal (I mean complete) and wealthy family - she had basically everything. And Nick’s love too! I had been hoping they would break-up eventually, maybe first year of college or later. No, she got knocked up and he even asked her to marry him! Ugh! And I got to be the Jasmine’s maid of honor – could you believe my ‘luck’? I guess I played my part of a loyal friend a little too well. They even made me a godmother to their twins – Tracy and Annie. I hated the names and even the girls themselves. I thought, it would be easy for me to love babies, if they were Nicks’, but no – quite the opposite. I saw only stupid Jasmine in them. I knew it was not their fault, but I still knew they were the reason Nick will never be mine. They were his ultimate connection to Jasmine... Then they had another baby – a son! They named him after his daddy and Nick was so proud of him. I hated all of them by that point. Even Nick a little bit, but I still hoped he would someday realize that I am his true soul mate.

***

Oh my god, but why I am even thinking about this? It’s all water under the bridge now... Why recall bad memories, if I want to focus just on the beautiful present and hopefully even better future, right? Why I am standing half-naked and barefoot in Nick’s bathroom, if I can cuddle with him in bed?! I know he’s asleep, but it still feels amazing, just to lie next to him. If I just got his left hand to hug me a little, I think I would fall asleep immediately. Ok, ok, almost there – yes – now I am in his arms. Finally! It took me ‘only’ 19 years, tone of plastic surgeries, a total makeover and a new identity... but now I know what Nick meant – NOW the world is MY PARADE!

***

Nick

I met a new girl. She reminds me of a younger version of Britney Spears (and I've had the hots for her ever since like forever) and her name is Natalie or Natalia, I am not really sure which one. Ok, you got me – I didn’t pay much attention whenever she was talking. I wasn’t even trying to find someone to date or something like that. It has sorta happened over this weekend. I don’t want to admit it… I wouldn’t tell anyone this but I kept thinking about Kirstie – heck, now I am thinking about her again. I even promised myself I wouldn’t. I thought I am over this ‘love crap’ but she was specia to mel. I wish she would have called me again and we could meet or something. I miss her and I don’t like these feelings. Yet, ever since that our little chat in the coffee place, I have never heard from her again. Of course, I could call her myself, but I won’t do that. She’s dating somebody, I don’t want to mess things for her. Plus I don’t want to seem desperate, even though I am a little bit. Or at least I used to be before I ran into that Natalia girl.

She spilled some stupid drink on me and then insisted she should come help me clean it. I’ve been through a lot, I’ve charmed a lot of women – but MAN, this was pretty quick! I didn’t even realize she was that into me! But one minute we were talking, then she wanted to come home with me… And when we got to my place, she practically threw herself at me!! Yeah, I usually tell this stuff about girls to my pals from work and I am exaggerating all the time – this time it’s all true. That’s what I like about this chick – I don’t have to make effort with her. No, don’t get me wrong – I still love s*x and stuff, so I’am trying still pretty hard (pun well intented) in that area, but I can totally lay off in the other things – like talking or even thinking. She just does everything I ask of her, doesn’t question anything I say, doesn’t want to argue at all and she is the one making plans. So I don’t have to try at all and I can just go with the flow – on Saturday she made a breakfast for us and then invited me to see a movie with her. She even picked great action picture I’ve been dying to see for a long time. We had a pretty good time and ended up having s*x in the bathroom afterwards. Cool! Girls are often too shy to do it somewhere in public but not her…

On Sunday she called and invited me to dinner in a fancy restaurant. I am a gentleman, you know, so I paid for everything in the end, but there was a moment, when she reached for the check – she would probably be even okay with paying herself! Amazing, so maybe I will try it next time…

We went to my place after that again and did a lot of stuff there (again :) ). I didn’t get much sleep, so today my shift at work was a little bigger nightmare than usual. So now, when I am already done, I am heading straight home and to the bed – this time I just want to sleep in it… alone!

Natalia texted me (she signed her first text, so at least now I am sure she’s Natalia with an ‘a’), as I was slowly drowsing. She asked, if I wanted to hang out again, but I responded that I was too tired from the last night. And you know what? She’s been absolutely fine with that, or at least it seemed that way. She even joked in the other text and then sent me a nude pic. “Just to remind you, what you’re missing on ;).” And then she added: “JK, teasing ya. Bye, sleep tight!”  How cool is that, hm?

Vanessa

October 14

I’ve spent the most magical weekend with Nick! I know, I know, the first night wasn’t that great because I’ve let my fears get into my head but that’s over now. Plus I figured that it was just the excitement from being in his apartment. You know, it was a big moment for me, as I had planned it for years – but maybe I wasn’t ready for it. I couldn’t sleep in there at first but I already dealt with it. The next time I was there (yesterday… ;)), I just made sure that I was really tired before going to bed. You know what I mean, right? Plus, I took one sleeping pill, just to be sure.

It worked great, although I almost overslept. I really need to be more careful about that, I need to be the one who gets up earlier - Nick shouldn’t see my without contact lenses. I mean, if he didn’t recognize me by now, I guess it wouldn’t matter – but better safe than sorry. It could trigger his memory and that’s a thing, I really don’t want to happen. Plus I like to make breakfast for him.

He didn’t have a lot of food in the fridge the first time, so I had to improvise a little. I couldn’t make him his favorite pancakes because he was out of milk. Never mind, at least I prepared ham with some eggs. Of course I made coffee, black and strong, just like Nick prefers it. He seemed surprised but pleased. An I was in the seventh heaven when he ate it all and even liked it.

We pretty much spent all the weekend together; Nick was really great – open to anything I suggested. I think he really likes me. It is too soon to say anything, of course, but I just had a great feeling about it. I think he was super into me. I mean, it makes sense – I am everything he could ever dream of, after all. My appearance is based on his preference. But I know, relationships are also about common interests and hobbies. But we don’t have any problem there either, because before all the trouble between us, we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. I know almost everything there is to know about Nicholas Parker. And I’ve been always very good in pretending I enjoy everything he does. We both like bowling, movies (although he loves action stuff more than I do and he hates dramas and horrors), good food and booze. AND s*x. But that’s really new thing for me. I have never enjoyed it before. I guess, I only wanted to do it with Nick. Truth is, I even pictured him, even when I was with someone else. One of my exes even swore I was calling Nick’s name. I don’t remember that but… it’s possible. I’ve really loved Nick all my life and desired him ever since I hit the puberty. That’s why now I can’t keep my hands of him. And he finally wants me too! I can feel it, whenever he is touching me. It’s like a fire. Amazing, I just love him. But I can’t say it to him yet. I know, I know. I can’t screw this up – it’s probably the only change I am ever gonna get with him. Oh my god, what if I screw up and he breaks up with me? That would be the end for me… I can’t breathe…

Ok, I have to stay calm. Nothing bad is happening. I am focusing on ‘now’. That’s easy. It’s ten p.m., I am home and alone because Nick ditched me today. Breathe, Vanessa… It’s totally understandable, he is tired (who could blame him after all the fun weekend activities and he had to work today…), he needs rest.

I promised myself I wouldn’t try to contact him today. I will try to wait till he calls me, that way I won’t seem desperate or clingy. Of course, I am both those things! I wish I could just immediately transport myself into his arms – I know I would calm down in a second. That’s not the option now, so I am looking at him.

He’s lying in his bed and slowly falling asleep. That’s the only thing that’s keeps me sane right now  - the fact he is really tired and not lying to me or anything. He didn’t ditch me because he had met some other girl or something like that. I am so happy I put the hidden cameras in his place, when he was sleeping. From now on, I will know for sure what’s he doing and if he needs me. The quality of the picture isn’t the bes,  but it’s still better entertainment than most tv programs these days. I don’t even need Netflix to chill. I will just turn on the ‘Nick’show’, every time I’ll miss him. Heck, I miss him all the time, if I am not with him. I hope I won’t get too addicted to this new show, haha. I still need to work sometimes. And you know what? Maybe I will send him a little text. Just something small and personal… Why not?

I hope I won’t get too addicted to this new show, haha. I still need to work sometimes.Oh, that reminds me – I already mentioned to Nick that I am working in the diner near to his apartment, so he wouldn’t be surprised if he comes by some day and sees me there. Also, if he knows my workplace is there, it will not seem weird to him, if he happens to run into me in the neighborhood. I hope he will come to my diner soon, you know, just to see me for couple minutes, get a coffee there, maybe even to invite me out for a fancy dinner or something. Maybe he will do it tomorrow. I just have to hope! With all my heart…