Too Close, Too Fast

Growing Together, or Apart?

October 21

Oh, thank you God! You’ve answered all my prayers. I am so grateful for everything. At first I was crazy scared that Nick would soon lose interest in me – you know, after the first s*x or the second one. Now I am pretty confident he is starting to fall for me. We are great couple, that’ for sure. We see each other more than once a week, that’s great, right? And do you know, what’s the best part? Nick is now sitting in my diner, while I have a shift there. He came without me having to invite him here. I guess he missed me and wanted to see me. He is such a sweetie!

He was sitting in a booth in the right corner by himself, looking out of the window – it looked li he was watching the children’s playground across the street. „Hello honey, can I get you anything? “ I greeted him happily. I tried to play it cool, but it just wasn’t possible – I was too excited. He must have noticed  it, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Hi, hi! That’s great we’ve met like that, right?” Then he smiled the way just Nick can. Any woman would melt, when he looks at her like this. He ordered a coffee and I brought him a pancake as a bonus.

He was so happy! “I love pancakes, how did you know?” I winked at him and answered: “Just a feeling.”  He cleared his plate in a split second. It was great. Then he waited until my shift was over and we were hanging out for the rest of the day. It’ amazing and I hope he’ll tell me soon he loves me. Fingers crossed!

***

Nick

I am still seeing that Natalia and I am a little bit worried that she’s taking it more seriously than I am. I kinda like to hang out with her, it is fine and she really loves s*x, so we do it basically every time we see each other. Yeah, that‘great – I know, I shouldn’t be complaining. In fact, with Natalia everything seems perfect… on paper. I honestly can’t think of any reason why should break up with her – she’s flexible almost in everything. If I want something a little differently, she always agrees with me, never argues.

Only one problem – I don’t feel anything. Normally I wouldn’t care about that stuff, but ever since I’ve met Kirstie, I just can’t help it. Truth is, I would be willing to spend even one minute with Kirstie over an hour with Natalia. I don’t get it either, but I felt differently with Kirstie. It was an instant connection for me and I have never experienced anything like that before. I thought for a long time that every romantic part of me died years ago, but she somehow managed to find a switch and turn all these crappy feelings on again. And she probably doesn’t care about me even a little bit. She is seeing someone else and maybe she has forgotten me completely by now. Ok, it’s possible that I wouldn’t be that into her, if she was single. That’s why I am not chasing her or anything – it really wouldn’t be fair to her, If I broke apart her relationship and after a while dumped her or cheated on her, like I always do. Whenever I had a serious girlfriend or a wife (let’s not go there…), I seriously fu**** it up (no, there isn’t another word for this). So why it should be somehow different now, right?

It’s probably for the best, if I mind my own business and just try to forget about Kirstie too. I guess you could say Natalia is my rebound girl, even this term is used more when you date someone to get over a breakup. And that’ not my case, because didn’t experience a breakup since I have never even dated Kirstie in the first place.

I don’t really want to date anyone. I don’t care about serious relationships and I’ve promise myself I will never marry anyone or start a family again. I don’t deserve that and I don’t want to hurt anyone else. So I am glad Natalia is cool about this stuff, we don’t talk about love or anything. But I have an annoying feeling it won’t stay it this way for too long. I see her long looks, that dangerously sweet smile… She’s in love with me…

And that’ not even all. Every time I want to be with her, she’s free. That’s a little weird, don’t you think? Call me paranoid but something is off with the way she’s acting. It almost seems like she does not have any hobbies or friends, any kind of life apart from the time she’s spending with me. Sometime I feel like she’s a planet revolving around her star – at that star is me. That is great for a while, but it can be dangerous too – she will probably want me to fall in love with her, move in together and everything else. I hate ‘the talk’, if you know what I mean, but I can almost feel it in the air now. So, I will be honest, she will be disappointed and dump me immediately.

Ok, now that’s settled, so I should probably go back to work. It was quite a boring day today. Let’s hope it stays that way… Oh no, I spoke too soon. I see trouble! Oh man!

***

That was quite some action! I caught a guy stealing, he tried to run away and I was chasing him for a while. Luckily, I know my city better than him, so I got him fine. But that jerk thought he could stab me! i***t! I saw his knife and I fought for it with him. I managed to get it on the last minute, so ufff. He’s in the jail and I am heading home. I should go shopping; I don’t have anything to eat at home. Actually, I might even be out of coffee, which is the start of the apocalypse for me…. I need one cup, right now… no matter where. Hey, here’s a nice place - Carla’s Diner…Let’s go there!

I started thinking, if I should also get me something to eat to gain some more energy, when a memory flashed before my eyes. I remembered I used to go to all kinds of diners after Jasmine died. I was a total wreck then, I couldn’t sleep at nights and it was pretty hard for me to be alone. So, I rather went out for a walk than staing and wondering if I should just put a bullet through my head and give up. Not a lot of places were open but 24hours diners worked pretty great for me – there was food, there was coffee and most importantly there were people, so I couldn’t kill myself in front of them…

I caught myself, staring into nothing, when I heard a familiar voice saying: „Hello sweetie, can I get you anything?“ I literally forgot Natalia is working in this place. I was so perplexed; I didn’t even realize at first that she had called me ‘sweetie’. I tried being nice and said something along the lines that I am glad to see her.

I was so confused and disoriented though, that I asked her only for coffee. Natalia disappeared for a moment, so I could get my head around it better. She was back very quickly and she brought me pancakes, which was a nice surprise at first, because I really love them. Then I noticed something, even though I was pretending to read news on my cell phone. I saw that some fat guy (probably the boss) called Natalia and told her of really badly. “Where are the pancakes for table four?! You took them to someone else…blah blah… You can’t do that. Be more careful next time… blah blah.” So, she gave me food, which should belong to somebody else. That’s really weird, right? I guess she was just trying to make me happy, like she always does.

Truth is, it worked. The pancakes were amazing - they were with chocolates, little nuts and whipped cream – yum yum! Although I find it a little weird Natalia brought me my favorite sweet food. She even told me herself she had ‘a feeling’ I love them – I don’t know, that’s sounds a little fishy to me. Yeah, sure, call me paranoid. It’s just that this is not exactly the first time something like this has happened. Natalia ‘guessed’ what movies I watch, what coffee I like to drink and never even hesitated for a moment. I wonder, how she knows certain things about me, if I hadn’t told her. Whenever I ask her, she puts on this special smile – nice but a little intimidating, if you ask me. It’s like there is a pinch of a somehow malicious joy.

I thought about it for a while, when I was eating in that diner. There is something off about Natalia and I need to find out what it is. I have been a cop for a really long time now, even though I left the investigations department couple years ago. I still have radar for these things. She’s hiding something… or not telling everything, I am not sure yet. I am gonna find out soon! Better act quickly and don’t let her suspect anything. I know – I’ll invite her over to my place, when she’s done working…. Yeah, that’s a good plan. 

***

Ok, she fell asleep finally. After she finished her shift in the diner, she changed into black skirt, white blouse and a green wool turtleneck sweater. I helped her with her coat and we headed to my apartment. I totally forgot about the fact I wanted to go shopping initially. All I wanted to do, was try to find out more about Natalia. I guess I miss the investigations a little bit…  I poured to us two glasses of whisky and sat her down at couch. And we talk…and talk… and talk… I know, boring, right? But I felt it is important, so I focused this time - like crazy. I’ve asked her a lot of questions about herself and truth is, I didn’t find out much. She always somehow managed to change the subject of the conversation, so we wouldn’t talk about her.

For example, one of my questions was: “So, tell me, where are you from, originally? And where did you grow up?” Natalia sipped from her drink. “Ummm, I was born in Ohio, but my family moved to Michigan when I was just five years old, so I don’t remember much about that. Anyway, you’ve said you have family in Florida, right? Do you still visit them occasionally?” That’s what Natalia said… I nodded and tried to remember all that she has told me.

Later, I tried to find out, when did she moved to New York and why – but she just shrugged. “I’ve honestly lost track – probably right after high school. I am not close to my family, so it was better for me to start from scratch and don’t turn back.” Then she totally changed subject and started talking about a commercial she has seen on TV lately. Why?! Does she have a reason to not tell me a lot of details about her? I don’t know…

That’s why I’ve been waiting for her to go the sleep, even though it took forever. We’ve ordered some dinner, watched a movie… She wanted to cuddle and I did my best, although I just couldn’t really elax next to her. Finally, she dozed off and now I am able to sneak out of the bed and try to look for some ‘evidence’.

Oh, she left her black purse on the couch, so I went there and quickly searched it for her wallet. No, I didn’t want to steal her money, trust me, but a person’s wallet can tell you a lot about person. Sometimes there is an interesting cheque there, or a receipt, but I wasn’t very lucky with Natalia’s stuff. She is very neat and didn’t have anything ‘forgotten ’in there. Neither did she have any credit cards on different names, or any other fake documents. Only one ID, which I examined very carefully and even took a photo of it with my phone, so I could check it later. All the information matched the things she had told me about herself. So, she’s probably a normal girl and I am starting to lose it. My mind may be trying to find reasons to dump her… Ok, I am ready to give up the search now, but I will probably run her initials through the database at the station, just to be sure.

Hey, what’s this? When I was putting back Natalia’s wallet, I cut my finger on a paper that was in her purse. I took it out, to look what it is. It seemed like an invitation.

“C.R. Fashion and Carrie Robbinson with a collaboration from London designer Kirstie Stone are proud to present new collection, October 25th,  6 – 9 pm, Madison Avenue.” There was a more specific address and some instructions (like dress code) further down below. And the invitation was addressed to Natalia and ‘her plus one’.

That’s finally something! What does Natalia have in common with MY Kirstie? I know she’s into actually mine, but you know what I mean…Do they know each other? Why is Natalia invited to her fashion show? And how come she never mentioned that we could go to this thing together? I am her plus one, or not? Maybe she doesn’t want to go there at all, but why? It’s a fashion show, girls like that stuff, right? Plus, it seems like a really posh and luxury event (you can tell even by the quality of the paper of the invitation an even the paper cut on my finger J), so I guess there are gonna be plenty of food and alcohol. It’s possible she was worried I wouldn’t want to go and we would fight over it. Yeah, yeah, truth is, normally I wouldn’t even think about going to a fashion show. I would laugh at you, if you even suggested it. But Kirstie will be there! I want to see her, even though she probably does not want to see me at all.

So, how will I play this? I need Natalia to take me with her. It’s in a less than a week, so I will pause my ‘investigations’ till then and act like a ‘boyfriend’ to her (yeah, it’s terrible word, I hate it). But it wouldn’t be wise to let Natalia know that I’ve been snooping around her stuff. Luckily, I have an idea – I will arrange the purse on the floor, so it would seem it fell down and the invite slipped from it. Yeah, you are genius, Nick. And now – go to bed and try not to act suspicious. Even thought I will probably not be able to sleep now – I have to think about Kirstie. Have I gone soft, or what? Trying to get rid of one girl and then plotting schemes to see another one. Yeah, I know - I am a jerk. But that’s not news.