Emmerson & The Guardian

I Don't Know Who I Am

        I awake to a gentle stream of light flooding the bedroom.  It’s eleven am.  I slept for almost 14 hours.  I reach over for Blaze only to find his spot cold and empty.  I feel panic grabbing me and threatening to pull me back under.  I jolt upright and quickly scan the room to find it is empty.  Blaze is nowhere to be found.  A slight pang of fear causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end.  As I slide out of the bed and drag on one of Blazes t-shirts that was lying on the end of the bed, I pad into the living room- still no sight of him.  I peer around into the kitchen and see a yeti coffee cup sitting on the bar with a handwritten note next to it.

“My Dearest Emmerson,

I had to run into the office to tie up a few loose ends.  Please make yourself at home.  I’ll be back as soon as humanly possible.  And there is a full gym on the second floor if you’d like to go for a run.  I’ll be home soon.

With all the love I possess,

Blaze”       

        After reading the letter the only word I was able to focus on was “humanly”.  I know he had no ill intent with that word- it’s a saying and I know this.  But given the past few days it’s all I can see.  I’m not human, and now Blaze knows it too.  He saved me, but he’s also the reason I was strung on the cross.  I forgive him, but am I wise to do so, and so easily?  “Now you’re using your brain.  Listen to me a little more often.  I don’t have a death wish.”   I know my subconscious is right.  I need to hold myself to a higher standard, and not be so quick to believe the best in people.

        With my cup of coffee in hand I decide to take a better look around my new surroundings.  The house is pristine.  There’s not one thing out of place.  He either has an excellent house cleaning crew or he doesn’t come here often.  “Maybe both…”. I wander around the massive estate and notice there aren’t a lot of personal items other than in the master bedroom.  There are no family pictures on walls or tables, in fact, there are very few decorations aside from the mounted animal heads he has sporadically placed.  

        The house has 6 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, 3 half baths, a media room, a game room, 2 great rooms, a gym, and what I would assume to be a home office.  If I want to find information, then I decide to snoop around his office.  I tug on the door handle only to find it locked.  I look around for an obvious hiding spot, a hidden in plain sight type of spot, but come up empty handed.  I decided to head back to the kitchen to search his junk drawer for the key.  After opening countless drawers, I realize Blaze Giles does not have a junk drawer.  Every one of his drawers are paper lined, and perfectly organized with every kitchen utensil you could ever need or want.  Now here I am, frustrated and spent and not one step closer to answers than I was when I woke up this morning.

“Whatcha looking for?”  Blaze asks.  He quietly came in through the garage door.

Not expecting him I jump up and look like he’s just caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

“Oh.  I was looking for a key to the locked office door.”  I feel the red creeping into my cheeks, and a slight twinge of embarrassment wash over me.

“My office?  Was there something specific you were looking for?”

“I was looking for answers, Blaze.  I found out I don’t know wo I am and my mother lied to me all of this time, and f**k.  I don’t even know if she is my mother…OH and I have an estranged brother and no one knows where he is.”

“Emmerson, you are the chosen one.”

“Yeah, see that right there is what I’m talking about.  Everything is so cryptic.  I mock Blazes voice “You are the chosen one.”

“Well, you are.”

“Blaze with all due respect, what the f**k does that mean?”

“Come with me.”

        I follow Blaze up to the locked office door.  He reaches above the door to the door frame and pulls off a key.  Well at least I was right that it was hiding in plain sight.  Blaze inserts the key and I can hear the gears turn and unlock.  He pushes open the door, and gestures for me to go inside first.

“Ladies first.”

        A large executive desk is in the middle of the room.  It’s lovely and has the trend of the rest of the home- rustic and screams Blaze.  There is a diploma elegantly framed hanging on the wall behind the desk.  Harvard?!  Blaze is a Harvard law graduate, yet he runs the “P.I.” division of Valkyrie?  How curious.  I decide to begin my investigation with a few easy questions.

Pointing to the framed diploma I ask, “So, you went to Harvard?”

“Yep.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.”  Blaze says with a chuckle.

“So, you are interested in law…how did you get into P.I.?”

“I told you it’s a family business.”

“If you knew you were going to run the business…why did you go to all the trouble of getting a law degree?  And from Harvard Law at that.”

“Because I could, Emmerson.  School was always easy for me, and money wasn’t an issue..”

“Does law still interest you?”

“Yes.  It’s always going to.  I love politics.”

“Why don’t you start your own law firm?”

“And give up vampire hunting?”

“Well, I just thought…I don’t know…I thought now that we…”  The right words won’t articulate.  I guess I thought now that we were together, you’d stop trying to kill my kind.  Why is it so difficult to make these exact words come out?  

“Did you assume I’d stop hunting now that we are together?”

“Yes.” I whisper.

“You are different Emmerson.  That doesn’t mean the rest of your kind are.  The truth is that there are so many of them out there preying upon helpless humans.”

“I preyed upon you last night…”

“That’s different.  I’m not helpless, and the nature of your preying was s****l.  It wasn’t to feed from me and kill me.”

“Do you always get to know all of the vampires you kill?  You know like you know me?”

“No, of course not Emmerson.  You are the only vampire I’ve ever been with.  And you are only one of a handful of women I’ve ever been with for that matter.”

“Well, isn’t it possible that there could be more vampires like me out there?  And maybe you have killed just as many innocent vampires as you have guilty?”  Blaze stares at me for a while.  He stares at me like I’m a science project.  Like I’ve given him an unanswerable riddle.  He opens his mouth to speak then closes it.  When he finally speaks, he’s so perplexed he feels like he’s in pain.

“I suppose it’s possible.  I never thought of it that way, Em.”

“What if you did law for vampires?  What if you represented good vampires?”

“How can I be sure they are good?”

“You will vet them out.  You will have me.  I can feel emotion, and if you train me, I could unlock more secrets about myself that could help you…”  I sigh.  “I want to help you.  I want to be by your side forever.”

“You are strong.  One of the strongest I’ve ever met emotionally.  I’ve studied vampires for a long time, but I never thought of them as having a ‘good’ side.  I’d have to think about that.  But I will never let you leave my side, Emmerson.  Not now.  Not ever.”  With that Blaze scoops me up into his arms and buries his face in my hair.  “I love you Emmerson Elyse.”

I know he means it.  He means it with everything he has.  How could my life have changed so much and in what feels like a split second?

“We need to get you some clothes.”

“Why did you have to go to work?”

“I had to tie up some loose ends from last night.”

“Cover your tracks?”

“Sort of.  I had to talk to my father.  He stays out of the P.I. side mostly, but he does know the employees…and Freddie wasn’t exactly quiet about, well anything.  So, my father was apprised of your, errr ‘situation’, and was confused why everyone I employed quit so abruptly…. I didn’t tell him I have you held up here.  The less people who know about you the safer you’ll stay.”

“So…you’re embarrassed of me, and don’t think your father will approve?”    

“Emmerson.  Of course not!”  And I know he isn’t, but I just needed to hear him say it.

“So we got off track.  You brought me in here to show me something…”

“Oh right!  There is a book that is about this big…”. He makes a small rectangle with his fingers that is 4’ x 3’.  “And it’s an old faded red book with tattered edges.”  We both scan the bookshelves to find the right book.

“Hey, is this it?”  I ask pointing to a small book tucked between two much larger ones.

“Yeah, I think so.”  Blaze grabs the book and begins to scan its brittle pages.  This books delicate condition makes me slightly nervous to be handling it at all, but Blaze is very gentle.  He slowly scans the text very meticulously until he stops, furrows his brow, and takes a deep steadying breath.

“Emmerson, everything that was in this book pertaining to you is gone.”

“What does that mean, Blaze?”

“Well, if I had to guess… I’d say dark magic is to blame.”

“Dark magic?  Like as in a witch?”

“Yes, love.  Witches are used by many for various reasons… and if I had to guess this witch was used to keep you hidden- even from yourself.”

        It takes a few minutes for the realization that everything I’ve believed to be true all my life is a f*****g lie.  There are others out there that are actually hiding me from myself and I demand to know why!  What part of me could possibly be the “chosen one” … I can’t take much more, and I feel myself getting panicked.  I dart my eyes towards Blaze who is eyeing me with anticipation because even he can see the fear creeping into my eyes.  I can’t take another second of this, so I decide I need to be alone so I can attempt to recover.

        I hurdle past Blaze out of the office and into one of the nearby rooms.  I slam the door and lock it behind myself.  The bed in the middle of the largest wall catches me as I fling myself forward onto it belly first.  Before my head can hit the pillow I begin to sob uncontrollably.  The kind of crying that makes you suck in short deep gusts or air, because you can’t breathe.  For the last seven years of my life every day was planned out for me.  There was no deviating from the schedule, it was all so predictable.  The mental abuse Freddie gave me has me urning for a predictable minute.  But nothing has been predictable since I met Blaze.  In fact, it’s all been so wildly unpredictable that I don’t know who I am anymore.  I am a husk of my former self, and what’s worse is I don’t even have Sybil to go running to.  Even with Blaze here, I’m in this unpredictable mess alone.

        I hear footsteps padding towards the door before the gentle knock.  I honestly can’t bear to see him right now.  As much as I love him, I can’t help but think that maybe if I’d never met him my world would have stayed simple.  And if I’d never met him, maybe Sybil would still be alive and as ostentations as ever.  I can’t imagine not having met Blaze, but I can’t deny that my life was much easier before.

“Go away Blaze!”  I scream towards the door.

“Please, let me in.”

“I can’t.”  I lay my head down and continue to sob until I fall into a restless sleep.