The Billionaire’s Mistress

19

He kissed me passionate like he was going to bit of my lips, I felt shiver down my body when I broke the kiss and stood up.

" We can't be doing this you're my boss and this shouldn't be happening'' i said to him facing a different dirction trying to avoid his eyes.

"Selen, see I don't care if you have a child niether do I care if I'm your boss it's my own companyI can't be question if my love interest is my employee'' he said as he stood up and moved towards me to kiss me ones again but this time I resisted.

" Just give me another chance Selen I won't walk away this time I promise you'' he sounded so sincere as he said those words to me but how can I believe him or go back to him when I knew his family won't even accpet me and I wasn't sure about him staying this time.

"You keep treating me badly in front of your workers and when we're alone you confess love to me, Cian I can't go back to you if you know you're not sure this is what you want'' I said that and walked out of his office back to my desk to pick my bag so I could go home.

'' For someone who has a child you're way sexy still have those curves and your beauty still the same you don't look like a mother'' he praised me but I didn't even turn to look at him I kept walking straight till I almost got out to go down stirs then out of the building when he shouted my name.

" Selena , do you need a ride?'' he asked and I turned to give him and answer before walk down the stirs.

"No, thank you Mr Cian'' I answered him and went away.For the next two week I kept avoiding Cian but he didn't get it he kept coming over to my desk trying to toruble me was just all over my space and I'm sure the other worker were confused about his change of feeling towards me from treating me bad to now dropping little boxes of gifts, chocolates and cards with romantic poems. That should have made me give in to him but I was still watching my back, I needed to be careful so I don't get accused again by his family. I tried ignoring his proposal again but he wasn't even trying to gie up andthat became so annoying that we had to go on a dinner date finally after the last one wasn't possible.

After the date we spoke about the good old days and laughed about everything like everything was okay all of a sudden and he drove me home, he kept giving me free rides back home everyday after work and kept asking formore than the friendship I was already givving to him, I told him I wasn't ready to get hurt again but he was still bent on his word of not hurting me and all but I still could't be sure of him. I didn't want to get in a relationship with him and I'm still hiding Vivan away from him, when he finds out the truth he'll be hurt and I didn't want to hurt him. I had forgiven him but just wanted to be friends. I began to read books about healing and spending more time at the gym and yoga classes. I knew Cian was engaged to get married to a balck model he said his mum wanted and that he had to just to keep his family reputation and he told me how unhappy he was and how he can't forgive himslef for not being able to keep me. I needed to move on to find a new part and be a good mother to Vivan I tried going back to visit and I promised her when I get my own place i was going to bting her to live with me in the big city of New York which she was so excited about.As I sat to think about how my life could become better and wondered if any.man other than Cian could ever love me we child the way Cian does and I pick up.the book I got from the book store a week ago to read and it was Titled "Hurts and Heals" and I began to read it.

"We accept the love we think we deserve It takes two to make an accident

A part of how I view myself is dependent on others

People are strange when you're a stranger I accept all of the bits and pieces of me that I once was, am now, and will be

Because of my past,I have trouble dealing with negative emotions.

I struggle with adopting healthy coping mechanisms

Such a treacherous thing to believe, that a person is more than a person I'm learning to become more patient towards myself, and I am ready to apply a change to my life

We were young and the world spun for us alone so I thought

Subconsciously, I project unhealed trauma which makes me feel like I am not a good person I will rid myself of the idea that I am not good enough or not worthy due to the pain that I endured in the past

Never knew you were not with me for the right reasons I was just for closure, it was all a true game

Now I feel used and EMPTY I guess I will never get over it But I'll get to where it doesn't bother and hurt me much

Keep asking how I got myself into this mess Someone should have told me that life's a school now I'm left learning lessons on my own. I read out loud and personalized it to myself.I kept reading and personalising it.