The Love That Never Chose Me

Chapter Two: Am I At Fault?

Salma’s POV

My heart skips as I see Mena’s name appear on my screen.

“Oh, your lost boy is back,” Tammy scoffs.

I turn to give her a look. The kind that’s begging her to stop.

I gather my courage and I give Tammy a nod. It gives off ‘don’t worry, I’ll handle it’.

“Salma?”

“I’m sure.”

Of course I lied, but she believes me.

She thinks her sister is going to do the right thing. Stand on her words. Avoid being manipulated.

For the first time in a long while.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” she says, as she heads to the door with a confident smile on her face.

The door closes behind her.

The silence that comes after could eat me up, but then, I can feel relief flooding me.

Those whole days of silence are over.

I open the message with an expectation to see something.

An apology. An explanation. Anything at all.

Instead, the text I see makes my knees buckle.

Mena: “SO WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS?”

He’s really got some nerves.

It’s even in upper case letters. Like I’m some kind of kid.

But then, I can feel the guilt start creeping in.

Again.

It’s like Tammy’s words now sound uncertain.

What I feel now is nothing close to ‘relaxed’.

I stuff my face in between my pillows. Hoping for my stress relief routine to work this time. But it feels suffocating, rather than helping.

I don’t want to feel this way right now. It’s not the plan.

“Gosh,” I sigh and pick up my phone again.

I finally want to reply to the text, after pacing in my room for five minutes.

My thumb hovers over the keyboard. Nothing seems to come to my mind.

Before I can decide, another message comes in.

Mena: “You’re not even going to respond?”

I clench my jaw. Like I’ve been caught doing something wrong when I haven’t even done anything.

Me: “What do you want me to say?”

The message delivers almost too fast.

Mena: “I don’t know. Maybe an explanation?”

I blink at the screen.

Explanation? For what exactly? For saying no? For not wanting things to feel rushed?

I type again, slower this time.

Me: “I just needed time.”

There’s a long pause.

And I’m starting to think he might actually be listening.

Then…

Mena: “Time for what exactly?”

That one line shifts something in my chest. Because now it sounds like I’m overreacting. Like I created the problem.

I sit back on the bed with my phone still in my hand.

I’m still thinking of my next response when another message comes in from him.

Mena: “Salma, you can’t just go silent on me and expect everything to be fine.”

I pause.

Silent? He’s calling it silence?

It’s as if he has forgotten who snapped at the other person.

I stare at the message until my eyes hurt a little. Then I reply.

Me: “You didn’t talk to me for four days.”

I send it before I start feeling unsure.

I feel strong for just a moment.

Then he replies.

Mena: “And I had a reason.”

I freeze. A reason.

Of course he did. There’s always a reason. Always something to justify his actions.

Mena: “You don’t know how I felt when you just shut me out like that.”

I frown slightly.

I said no. That’s all.

Me: “I didn’t shut you out. I just said no.”

The typing bubble appears immediately. Then it disappears. Like he’s choosing his words carefully.

Mena: “Exactly.”

That one word confuses me. Exactly what?

Mena: “That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

I sit up properly now. My chest feels tighter. Like I’m missing something obvious.

Mena: “You say no like it’s nothing. Like it doesn’t affect me.”

My fingers slow down. Because this isn’t a simple conversation anymore.

It feels like I’ve done something wrong just by having a boundary.

Me: “I didn’t mean it that way.”

I send it quietly.

Mena: “I know you didn’t.”

That should feel comforting. But it doesn’t. Because it doesn’t stop there.

Mena: “But you also don’t think about how it comes across.”

Now I’m thinking. Should I have tried to pacify him?

Before I can settle on anything, another message comes in.

Mena: “I’m not saying you don’t have a right to your choices.”

Mena: “I’m just saying you don’t always see how it affects me.”

There it is. That shift. The one that makes everything feel heavier.

Because now it’s not about what happened. It’s about how I made him feel. And somehow, I can feel myself slipping into it.

Mena: “That day, I felt like the problem. I thought you didn’t want it to be with me.”

He could be right. I should’ve tried to pacify him at least.

Tammy’s words leave me so quickly. Like they were paid to.

I want to apologize already. Because I don’t want it to extend beyond this.

That’s so not true. I just want him to be okay with me. Even if it costs me.

I drop another text.

Me: “I’m sorry for not considering your feelings. Please forgive me my love. I know I’m at fault.”

His text comes in before I can lock my phone.

Mena: “Maybe you have someone else Salma.”

Is he being serious right now?

I start frowning.

Me: “No Mena. It’s just you.”

And somehow, the part where he ghosted me for four days has been erased from the picture.

No explanation. Nothing at all.

Mena: “That’s more like it. I forgive you.”

His response appears too fast. As if he wanted to hear that so bad.

I lock my phone and start questioning myself.

Is this how you wanted the conversation to be Salma?

Is this how every argument should go about?

Of course not.

But at least, he’s not upset with me anymore.

I say that to myself just to lift my mood.

I twirl my way into the bathroom cheerfully, but at the back of my mind, I know I didn’t do the right thing.

3:00 pm.

My phone rings out loud.

I open my eyes so fast to check who the caller is.

“Jolene!” Oh no, I fell asleep.

I shouldn’t have.

My cousin returns home today. She just got discharged, so we’re having a dinner date with her.

Just her, Tammy, and I.

She must be here already.

I throw my blanket aside, and jump out of bed.

“Salma!” Tammy yells from somewhere downstairs.

“I’m coming!”

“You’ve been saying that for ten minutes!”

As I’m getting my makeup done, I can already hear Tammy and Jolene chatting down the hallway.

They’re always so loud when it comes to gossip.

I finally settle on an outfit and head for the door.

I just hope they’re not upset.

I get a text from Mena, as I’m walking down the hallway.

Mena: “Can we meet for dinner? I want to make it up to you.”

My goodness. My cheeks are bright pink already.

“Ouch!”

Tammy and I bump into each other in the hallway.

She starts checking my fit out.

“I look good huh?”

I stick my tongue out in a funny way.

“You wasted so much time in there,” she says, rolling her eyes.

Trying to avoid the question, I chuckle slightly.

“You look really happy now. What’s the secret?”

She blurts out.

“Oh, I’m just excited to see our cousin.”

“Salma…”

She calls my name like she’s about to lecture me.

“What’s the update on you and Mena then?”

I hesitate.

“Uhm, we’re good now.”

Her eyes open in shock.

“How? Since when?”

I open my mouth to speak, but words fail me.

“There’s no way you apologized to him.”

“I really hurt his feelings.”

I try to defend him.

“That guy disgusts me.”

My eyes start to wander.

“He didn’t make me apologize.”

I’m not even convinced by my own lie.

“You’re not even at peace with yourself.”

She sounds irritated.

YES! I always battle with my thoughts when I’m all alone. So I can’t even prove her wrong.

“You know what Salma? I’ll just let you do whatever you want.”

She tries to fake nonchalance, but I can still see the concern on her face.

My mood isn’t the brightest anymore. But Jolene. I don’t want to ruin the evening for her.

“Are you gonna come Salma?!”

Jolene sounds a bit upset now. I rush outside.

“Jolene!”

“Salma!”

A wide smile spreads across my face, and I run to give her a big hug.

The entire drive is filled with Jolene talking. Mostly gossip. Tammy contributes way too much to it.

I laugh when I’m supposed to, because I don’t want to make Jolene feel uncomfortable.

THE RESTAURANT

Tammy is speaking to Jolene from time to time, but not me. It hurts a bit.

As I turn to place my order, Tammy gets a call.

It’s her man. That I know nothing about yet.

“Excuse me my ladies, I gotta take this.”

She’s smiling so hard.

Why hasn’t she even spilled anything yet?

“Uhm, your food is here ma’am.”

The waiter snaps me out of my thoughts.

Jolene pauses to stare at me.

She chews quickly, so she can speak.

“How’s prep going for the exam?”

“Pretty well,” I smile, digging into my food.

“I just need to stay consistent.”

She nods in agreement.

I quickly check my phone. No new text from Mena.

That’s when I remember. I forgot to give him a response back home.

I start texting him.

Me: “Where are you?”

I lock my phone and wait for his response.

“And your friends?”

She seems very curious this time.

“They’re doing well. We’ve got our differences though, but the friendship is still thriving.”

She seems very impressed with me.

Another text from Mena makes my phone buzz.

Mena: “I’m at Angie Gardens. Meet me there soon.”

Oh, we passed this place on our way here.

It’s just a five minute walk from where we are now.

Me: “I’d be there in five.”

I respond and turn to Tammy, who’s now walking towards our table.

“Are you guys ready to leave?” Tammy asks, while avoiding my eyes.

“You all can go without me. I have somewhere else to be,” I respond.

The smile on my face gives me away.

“Oh sure,” they say it at the same time.

Like they already know who I’m meeting with.

I pay the bill, and we go our separate ways.

I get to the door of the VIP Lounge where Mena is, and something makes me pause.

I can hear laughter coming from inside. Male voices to be precise.

He’s not alone?

Why does he want me here then?

I clench my fists to ease myself, then I open the door.

He’s with three of his friends.

Two of them stop to look up at me, as they hear my footsteps.

Mena and the last one are too focused on their game to notice me.

I can recognize someone there. Daniel. The one who makes it extremely obvious that he doesn’t like me.

“Uhm,” Daniel clears his throat to alert Mena.

Mena turns to him and then to the room.

He spots me finally, and he waves.

What in the world was that? I don’t even get a hug?

He’s acting like this was the plan.

I haven’t even sat for up to two minutes before Daniel speaks.

“So has your girl finally agreed to do it?”

Every other person starts laughing.

I turn to look at Mena. Expecting him to say something. To defend me at least.

But he’s laughing too.

“Just ignore him,” he whispers, still laughing at the ‘joke’.

I can feel my throat getting sore from holding my tears in.

“Excuse me,” I say as I storm out of the room.

I try to slow down. Expecting the door to open after me, but it never happened. Mena didn’t come after me.

I finally let the tears roll down my cheeks.

Upon entering the house, I get a notification from the extended family group chat.

Maybe they’re about to lecture the children. Oh no, no. Maybe one of my other cousins misbehaved.

I open the chat. I’m wrong.

It’s an engagement ceremony invitation.

Aunt Kira is getting married, and everyone is expected to attend.

Jolene and Tammy have already dropped messages on the group chat.

My other cousins are feeling so extra about it.

After taking a shower, I return to the invitation. I check the details. It looks so chic.

I trust my Aunt though.

I lock my phone, and face the ceiling.

“It’s just another family gathering. Nothing too dramatic.”

I mutter to myself.

I’ll attend it.

Maybe this is what I need to get away from everything.

Finally, the day is over. No more stress. No more surprises.

At least that’s what I think, before falling asleep.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.