There's Love In Every Heart

A PROLOGUE

“I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.”

Simone de Beauvoir (9 January 1908 – 14 April 1986) French author and existentialist philosopher ((The Blood of Others [Le sang des autres] (1946))

In the history of nations, first, there was the collapse of civilization, then the war and conflict, the g******e and crimes against humanity, then the hunger and starvation, the great plague and the great wars.

With the annexation of Texas and California, the enforcement of the Monroe doctrine in South America, the round the world voyage of T.R.’s Great White Fleet, the acceptance of the protectorate in the Philippines, the Spanish/American war, superpower status had been achieved even before the name became current.

The United States of America came to assume a position of unparalleled wealth and power. Everyone was busy chasing the great American dream. American technology, manufacturing and FMCGs even American-style workstations and American slang started ruling the developing world mindset.

However, there were certain attributes, traits if I may, lacking in Western culture – non-violence, redemption, forgiveness, tolerance and compassion.

As families broke, and as the number of divorce and abortion cases rose, and as the incidence of diseases like HIV, cancer and mental illness increased, and as America realized the need to enforce certain gun control laws, the American people began to look towards a major South Asian nation for spiritual solace and inner peace. Millions of Westerners were now flocking to India for an alternative.

Most Westerners brought with them a degree of positivity and optimism hitherto seen before. Yet, there was something serious lacking.

The Great Albert Einstein once famously remarked, “You know, in the West we have built a large, beautiful ship. It has all the comforts in it, but one thing is missing: it has no compass and does not know where to go. Men like Tagore and Gandhi and their spiritual forebears found the compass. Why can this compass not be put in the human ship so that both can realize their purpose?”

And we were talking about a beautiful nation called India which millions of westerners were flocking to for spiritual solace and inner peace.

This beautiful nation was a nation where multifarious ethnic groups converged into a unified psychological consciousness.

Perhaps, most importantly, was the fact that India as a nation-state was not a primordial category (fixed and static) but rather extremely dynamic, with each event (and the nation herself) being the product of a specific historical moment…

India as a nation lived in her villages. The average Indian was forced to eke out on about $2 a day. Farmers’ suicides and child malnourishment and undernourishment were extremely common. Manual scavenging would be common. As the New India rose, so did slums of labourers.

Despite her fairly rich and varied mineral resources, India still remained a desperately poor nation. Agriculture here was dependent on the monsoons which were extremely unpredictable.

With all her drawbacks, India would be an incredible nation. She was the destination people from all over the world flocked to for spiritual solace…She was still for many the land of their dreams.

Unfortunately, and especially in the wake of globalization, we would have forgotten some great ideology. We would have failed to live up to the visions, the dreams of some of our greatest eternal luminaries each of whom had laid down certain visions for a better and a more prosperous India. Our current scenario would call for another social ‘renaissance’ of sorts…

Gandhi’s theory was based on ‘Non-violence’ (Ahimsa), one man who silently worked in the fields could fight an entity as powerful as the British, and liberate our country from s*****y. Surprisingly, somewhat shockingly, non-violence was to still remain a distant dream. India as a nation continued being threatened by extreme forms of intolerance and hatred, corruption in politics, and stark naked impoverishment and hopeless destitution.

I would sincerely and firmly believe that my nation (and especially with liberalization and globalization inundating our living rooms and also our senses!) was very much at the crossroads. On the one hand, there was stark naked poverty and on the other, unrestricted and rampant consumerism and luxury and extravagance.

I would dream that there would be no more imperialism and mindless material consumption and waste dumping and our future generations, indeed our children would grow up into morally reasoning and discerning adults...

And then, there would be no need for a war on terror as there would be no such thing as terror (except in our minds), because our children would grow up into lovely human beings!

We would do better to not confuse love with forgiveness yet love, forgiveness, a mutual tolerance and more compassion for our fellow beings would most certainly make for a happier planet!

Forgiveness would be an Art very few were actually capable of. Gandhi had once famously remarked: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

As ordinary mortals, Hindus would believe in re-incarnation, we might have been subjected to gruesome consequences as a result of our past “karma”. As a mortal, our weak minds and spirits would have indeed lacked the courage to forgive.

After all, it would take more than courage to get past any previous offence or hurt caused either deliberately or unconsciously to someone… it could be anyone. The meaning of reason might have eluded us to such an extent that we would have always considered having an alibi for what possibly could have been, if not entirely our fault.

Often out of low self-esteem, we might have been unable to forgive; instead we would have sought to be revengeful and negative, though not in a harmful manner instead of being positive. We might not have been able to put our differences aside. Bad “Karma” one might once again safely assert.

Revenge, anger would come from weakness. If we were strong persons, people could do no harm, because we would not let ourselves get harmed, another Gandhi quote: “Nobody can make you unhappy or weak without your explicit consent. The things they did made no difference to us, and even if they did, we would have the strength to stand up and keep walking again, if we were billionaires, would we mind if somebody took a dollar from our accounts?”

Not wanting to harm the person who harmed you would release your soul from a cage, a cage on whose bars were written I got to have revenge. It would never be easy.

Revenge would destroy both, the person who harmed, and the person who suffered. Forgiveness would bless both: the person who harmed would be free, and the person who suffered would ultimately have happiness.

We would be living in testing times: Everyone would want to have revenge.

We would still crib no doubt, yet might have discovered in forgiving a beautiful passion, indeed it would be in the mysterious equations of love that we might have found our true calling.

Ladies and more ladies, welcome to Delhi University!

The year was 2005, and the month February. I was waiting for my turn at the clinic when a young lady, presumably a consultant (with the white garb over green and yellow and in bell-bottomed trousers) walked up to me and said, ‘Tushna, can we have you inside the chamber once again?’ I was lost in my own thoughts, of Poverty in the developing world, inequality, caste, class, race and gender… I was probably dreaming about the “pioneering research into economic development … with particular consideration of the problems of developing countries” of Sir Arthur Lewis and the Nobel for Physiology, Literature and Peace.

Great deeds would come out of good words… As I entered the chamber, I saw the two young lady Consultants staring at me, as if I were something short of an alien! I was asked to pull a chair and sit down. All I remembered of those wonderful introductory moments was that one of the two fell off her chair (literally!) because she could not make any sense of whatever I said while the other decided to take up my case…

‘The significant other’ as I would call her, was to later have the most profound influence one could ever have on one’s life, and by one, I meant myself… Perhaps the person who had best understood and in a way related to the excruciating pain and the tremendous agony and the immense suffering I had gone through and continued to go through in life...

But through the power of Indian alternative Medicine, I had eventually come to realize that life is beautiful, all of life… My doctor had helped or rather enabled I imbibe the great positivism that was so much a part of life itself…

Back to the basics! I was that chirpy college-going teen! I was a storehouse of energy but I was always outward-bound, and so in my thoughts! I never thought about the ills those plague my own country. Music to me meant Heavy Metal! Dancing to me meant Ballroom and Salsa! Indian formal attire never interested me! I was obsessed with the West and its culture! My mind never dreamt of the luminaries like Gandhi and Vivekananda. I was not interested in either Indian Classical Music or in Classical Dance nor did the scriptures interest me…

My dreams in life never ever focused on the state of the nation… I never thought about the problems of the poor and the downtrodden. My mind never travelled to issues such as: how does the average man survive in these harsh winters; how does the girl child cope with her menstrual periods under circumstances in which she may have to walk several kilometres in parched heat just to be able to have access to safe water for drinking and washing; how does the child-bride cope with pregnancy and labour at a time when primary health centres are virtually non-existent; how does the average disabled senior citizen or the child with Down’s syndrome cope with the dual stigma-born disabled and born poor, meted out by an indifferent society; how does the average child on the street survive, rendered cold and homeless by a callous administration and an apathetic society? I was simply not bothered…

India was virtually non-existent for me! That she lived in her villages was something of the least of my concern. It was party-time! Festivals and festoons were on the agenda, free and fair trade was not… India was simply out of my field of vision, all I saw, all I ever dreamt of, all I ever imagined were Starry, Starry Night and London and Berlin and Warsaw and Vienna and Paris and Stockholm and off course DC, LA and New York… I could see The Louvre, Le Tour de Eiffel and St Peter’s Basilica, could hear Big Ben; I could talk to Vincent as he painted and Beethoven as he composed his music… The Baul Singers of Bengal were trying to bring traditional folk-music to my doorstep; the artisans of Kumartuli were trying to engraft Goddess Durga for me… I simply did not care…

I was born part of the psychedelic, hip-hop generation! From drugs to narcotics, s*x to rave, I was part of this entire generation that lived on punk and acid rock, ‘The s*x Pistols’, heavy metal-‘Dirty Dancing’ and ‘Lambada’; Hash, Cocaine, m*******a and Brown Sugar; ‘s*x, Lies and Videotape’; ‘s*x and the City’; all kinds of Idols- ‘American Idol’, ‘Indian Idol’; if you asked me to spell Krishna, I simply wouldn’t know…

Globalization came with its set of positive as well as adverse consequences… I was indeed part of a larger Global Order that spent its time on Coke and Pepsi, and Pizza and Cheese Burgers, Potato Fingers and Ketchup and Coffee! What would be left of our grey matter if we continued like this-corporatizing our brain cells? Surely a more egalitarian global order was the need of the hour!

It wasn’t my fault at all, that I had lost focus! I was undergoing a tremendous struggle, a battle between my lack of self-esteem on the one hand and my own emerging ideas (or rather ideals) on the other… Then, there were the worldly temptations of globalization… the fast food, the fast cars, a lucrative job, the money, the glamour, the fame et al… Of course, none of these have come to me even now despite my wide-open arms and the pain continues…

The pain in terms of being an innocent victim of a flawed system…

The pain in terms of being denied justice by the system… (In terms of loss of employability)…

The pain in terms of undergoing oppression and torture at the hands of society and loved ones…

The pain in terms of being institutionalized (a term I would use for being confined at home) for a greater part of your life…

The pain in terms of losing the affection and protection of your loved ones…

The pain in terms of being ‘branded’, being treated as a social outcaste/ ostracized…The pain in terms of falling in the eyes of society…The pain of being treated as ‘different and yet not able’ (the corporate sector uses a funny term, differently able) rather than being ‘able’ to be of consequence to society…

“Hurry up, we have go to the doctor, the clinic closes at eight!” My mother had an Arthritis problem, and she walked in a lot of pain, sometimes with a limp. My father, though aging, was the more fit of the two. A recent wellness issue almost further took my life…

I had always tried to understand the self and acknowledge the power of its existence. I had also gradually believed that the suffering God had given me was for a purpose; to some it could mean a love for the self. In a gist, I believed in myself. The self would be an incredible pursuit. Those of us who were able to realize this were able to “recover”- be able to relentlessly pursue peace and happiness in the face of adversity. This though might not be the same as believing in one’s selflessness.

One had to be resilient, one had to be persistent, two qualities that would be highly essential in overcoming adversity.

I would realize as I were writing this that if good things were going to happen again, I would have to make them happen myself. I would also realize that my parents were not going to be there with me throughout my life. I would be trying to overcome my pain, my suffering with “self-knowledge” (Atma-Bodha)…and “self-realization”… and “self-control”…

“Defenceless am I – ill, again, and helpless, Enfeebled, exhausted, and dumbly despairing, Afflicted with sorrow, and utterly ruined:

In thee is my only haven of refuge,

In thee, my help and my strength, O Bhavani!”

Rise! A new generation had arisen… ‘Know thyself’ (would run the famous inscription at the Greek Temple of Delphi). When the true self were known the jig-saw puzzle of the world would get solved, doubts would be at an end, and all misery would vanish…

I would always take pride in my modern, progressive outlook, because at heart, I would be a global Indian. This would be the nation of the great

Sage Patanjali, Rishi Valmiki, Ramakrishna, Vivekananda and Tagore. I still couldn’t understand though why Lord Krishna would put me in this country, when I could have easily overcome my wellness issues in the developed world (with its entire infrastructure). But infrastructure wouldn’t be enough by itself; one had to acknowledge that India with its ancient systems of thought and its alternative medicine (including Homeopathy & Ayurveda) was powerful.

This would also be the land of the Buddha, one of the greatest teachers of non-violence who could influence men and even wild beasts to become harmless and peaceful. And Gandhi, who’s “Ahimsa” was powerful enough to bring an entire British Empire down on its knees…I would be proud I had tried to decode the meaning of the self…although I was born to suffer…as both an unknown and an unwanted Indian…someone who would dare question our norms, our idiosyncrasies, our taboos and our misogynistic mindset.

Why wouldn’t I question the fact that despite a genuine intention, our intense campaigns against domestic violence, r**e, s****l harassment and gender inequity in the schools all too often would depend on an image of women as weak and victimized? Personally, this is what I would find objectionable.

Who cared? Could we instead talk about something I’d consider extremely important? I would guess it was more about the way I felt...I just couldn’t come to terms with reality-how women and children (as young as a few months) were being brutalized every single day of their lives. Why? Is the question I’d often put to God.

I, Tushna Nandrajog would understand and appreciate the fact that the Almighty had kept me alive for my higher calling, and by rejecting our traditional institutions I had chosen to pursue my higher calling.

I strongly believed that women were powerful and that each one of them would do better addressing her own unique ultimate calling. And I would wish to quote Emmeline Pankhurst (14 July 1858 – 14 June 1928) British political activist and suffragette:

QUOTE

“We have to free half of the human race, the women, so that they can help to free the other half.”

UNQUOTE

I would realize that what I hated above everything else was the objectification (read as commodification) of women in popular entertainment. I hated all this portrayal of s*x and violence in cinema and by the way, why were they allowing p**n stars into the industry? The appalling portrayal of s****l violence in Indian cinema was also something I hated.

This was my prerogative to speak up, and to me, even if the film carried a message, how could r**e be entertainment?

I did support freedom of expression but was however pretty much clear in my mind that if I had to choose: between freedom on the one hand and safety (of women and children on the other) I would most certainly choose the latter...I was confident anyone else in my position would have done the same.

This would be an absolutely personal dilemma of sorts. I would often put this question to myself and to God, ‘would you consider asking me, how it might have felt all these years?’ The dilemma that would arise from hearing of women and little children being brutalized (and that had led to so much of a heightened sense of personal loss and a deep anguish)...

‘More than two decades had elapsed, yet we were far from achieving a world free of violence and discrimination.’

‘Would our world be truly free and liberated?’

I would often put this question to my best friend, God.

‘I would be so glad that my life journey had nurtured so many of those unique voices towards building up a more tolerant and a more compassionate generation.’

‘This would be an ode to Urmi, a survivor of violence who was to later emerge to carry forward my legacy but who would lose her life in the process.’

‘We ought to put in our most sincere endeavours to address our most pressing global issues...’

‘Like violence and its root epidemiology, s*****y and torture and even trafficking and off course, inequality which bred violence.’

It would go without saying that I had started developing strong perceptions of gender inequality as far back as High School (India being unsafe for women and girls) as well as a constant conflict in my mind (between my emerging egalitarian ideals on the one hand & my own emerging sexuality on the other).

There was nothing I hadn’t faced in life, and very often unpleasant s****l adventures had been a part of them. ‘I had been given to an entire life of pain, suffering and stigma (discrimination) in employment; tossed between drugs, doctors and hospitals…’

‘I had nevertheless achieved a miracle: a victory of the non-violence & the serenity within over all the pain, the aggression and the instability outside.’

Above everything, I’d understand and appreciate the fact that the Almighty had kept me alive for my higher calling, and that by rejecting all traditional institutions, I had chosen to pursue my higher calling.

So, was I destined to grow into an extraordinary woman?

‘As a strong votary of compassion and non-violence, I would always remain in strong opposition to capital punishment and Draconian laws and committed to making a difference to India’s future generations, indeed I would believe I had to continue battling the system to get my point across. Because I believed that a violence-free society was not only desirable but also possible. However, it would take me plenty of time for my ideas to materialize.

‘In Urmi, I was to discover my legacy to India and the world.’

This would be by far the nation’s boldest contemporary experiment in social reform. And we would be talking about Gandhi’s India. And Jotiba Phule’s India. And Ambedkar’s India. And Swami Vivekananda’s India. And Raja Ram Mohan Roy’s India. And Sarojini Naidu’s India. And Annie Besant’s India. Not to forget Sister Nivedita either.

‘This would be my story. A story of my past Karma and indeed my inspiration towards my purpose in life, my higher calling. A story in which many others like me could locate their own stories, their own unique voices towards a more profound human revolution.’

‘If my vision could inspire and transform an entire generation of Indian men and women towards greater tolerance and compassion, I would be the happiest individual on this planet. After all, within each of us there was so much of that intrinsic goodness.’

I’d sincerely hope that my experiences in compassion would further be an eye-opener for men and women the world over. As someone famously quoted: “I have met the future, and it is us.”

‘I would be happy that my story would inspire an entire generation of men and women across the length and breadth of the planet to believe in the power of forgiveness, joy, tolerance and compassion.’

‘To me, forgiveness was a process that consisted of several stages resulting in the abused person being transformed by the experience that would result in him/her letting go of anger and ultimately being able to think more positively of the offender.’

‘Research had consistently demonstrated that forgiveness was inversely related to anger and depression.’

‘To the best of my knowledge, Robert Enright had been one of the leading researchers of forgiveness education, but the Enright Forgiveness Inventory (EFI) was secular based.’

‘It would be important to remember that humans were complex beings with many facets to their personalities. Most had some desirable qualities and could not be defined by one or two bad behaviours or personality traits.’

‘Everything in the illusionary world consisted of three gunas or qualities. These three qualities were present in all objects in various degrees; one quality being always more present or dominant then the others. The three gunas were Sattva (purity), Rajas (activity) and Tamas (darkness, destruction). Gunas were present in everything; a human, food, objects…’

‘Humans had the possibility to consciously change the levels of the gunas in their body and their mind. By altering the presence and influence of external objects, lifestyle and thoughts we could increase or decrease the gunas. Whichever guna was predominating would affect how we perceived the world around us. It would affect behaviour, attitude, actions and attachments and so on.’

‘My story would also be strong testimony to the fact that women and men all over the world (from India to Syria to Egypt to Somalia) would be sharing a (common) sisterhood and brotherhood and facing common issues (including serious violence and s*****y, and especially if one were born of what would generally be considered the wrong gender) at a time of unprecedented global transition.’

‘I could see that there was a most pressing need to start a fresh conversation and raise awareness towards a greater consciousness and a more profound awakening.’”

‘I would wish to reiterate, could we all join hands to denounce violence?’

‘And work towards building up a truly tolerant and a more compassionate generation for our children.’

‘Ever noticed how the nations with the best spread of wealth were the most tolerant? Poor people were more likely to blindly follow religion or fascist leaders. If you wanted to build tolerance, you would have to increase the availability to information, and opportunities for education...’

‘It would be ideal for us to promote a fair understanding...of the things that we wouldn’t need (obesity, ignorance, rudeness, bigotry, corruption, infidelity, promiscuity, mediocrity, procrastination, materialism and shallowness) and an even fairer understanding of the things we would need (rights, liberties, humanitarianism, equality, peace, understanding, truth, justice, merit, and sincerity)...’

I could remember the famous words of Virginia Woolf (English writer, January 25, 1882-March 28, 1941):

QUOTE

“I have a deeply hidden and inarticulate desire for something beyond the daily life.”

UNQUOTE

“There’s love in every heart.”

I would believe that progress would come from teaching our children that as human beings, we were all equal and hence should respect one another and every other of God’s creation, including animals, birds and flora and fauna.

Was I destined to carry out my life’s higher calling?

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