The unbearable lightness of not being

12

Next night, Rose decided to go out with friends. She hadn't gone out for quite some time and was isolating herself too much. She was trying to avoid old habits that could hurt her mental health. She needed to be alone, but she also admitted that she should give herself a chance to have fun in other ways.

She had already talked to Liam and everything seemed fine. She dressed her black dress, put makeup on and announced the world through a photo.

They went to a bar and she, despite rarely drinking, took some photos of the drinks they were having.

The friends she went out with were trustworthy, despite one of them being an old boyfriend who remained her friend. Their relationship ended because every time they dated, he forgot she existed and, when he didn't have her, he would do anything to conquer her. It was solely for the challenge of conquering her and not for loving her. She gave him two chances, one more than she had given to other boyfriends. He still tried, but Rose had never wanted more than a friendship with him since the last breakup.

Was that Liam's problem also? The challenge of conquering her and now that he had, the charm was gone?

It was something usual in her relationships. But they never imagined that Rose, a woman who gives everything, who gives it all, would break up. And when she did, it was for good. What a pity.

About half an hour after posting the photos of the drinks, Liam sent her a message.

- Are you having fun?

Rose didn't even remember to warn Liam she would go out.

- Yes - she laughed - Sorry, i didn't remember to tell you.

- Just remember who your owner is. Who is your master?

- You are my owner and master, Liam.

- When you get home, tell me. I will show you just that. Do you understand, miss?

- Yes, sir.

And Rose put the phone in her purse with a smile on her face.

When she got home, Liam was online, so Rose sent him a message.

- I'm here, my owner and master.

Nothing.

- Liam, i'm here.

Still nothing.

- LIAM!

And Liam left and Rose was kept unanswered.

The days went by and they kept talking, but Liam was getting colder to her by the minute. Rose knew, in her gut, what was going to happen and that she was only delaying it, sustaining a ridiculous dream in her back.

She didn't have the courage to tell her mother or Gael. Her mother, despite loving her, would affirm she already knew this would happen and Gael loved Liam, even if Rose didn't knew why.

Liam was excited about being a father. Rose's sharp intuition kept telling her that Liam was not the baby's father, but she didn't want to disappoint him in that way. He commented to her that he was already searching for the baby's clothes and even posted a photo of the mother's room.

Rose knew it. It was the beginning of the end. And she couldn't accept it, with less than a month of traveling to a country she had never been. She felt trapped.

They still hadn't talked today and Rose didn't want to. She gave Liam the time he needed and tried to sleep.

She fell asleep in tears, wet pillow, already predicting the future.

In the morning, she had a message from Liam.

- I didn't mean to hurt you or that any of this had happened, but i decided to stay with my son's mother. She told me that she still likes me and i want to try and have a relationship with her. I will not abandon my son. We talked and we will move in together to a house next week. I'm sorry.

- Liam, are you sure about this? - she answered.

And, incredibly, he answered right away.

- Yes, i like her.

- What are you afraid of, Liam? - Rose asked, already frustrated by everything - It's because i'm going to meet you and you can't handle that?

- I'm not afraid of anything.

- So, what is going on?

- I don't like you and i don't want anything with you. I want to be with my son's mother.

- OK, Liam - Rose wrote, shaking - Before you block me, know that i really loved you and was willing to fight for you. Goodbye.

And Liam went paranoid.

- But are you going to block me? Why? I want to keep talking with you. Forgive me, you do me good, don't block me.

Rose's tears fell down her face. How dared he?

- Liam, you made me tell my mother and son about you! I'm travelling to your country to meet you! - Rose's anger grew - You exchanged everything we had and fought for someone who's deceiving you? The baby isn't yours!

- Don't say that! I'm sure it is! But forgive me, please. What can i do for you not to block me?

- Liam, this makes no sense!

- I don't want to lose your friendship, please.

Rose thought about it. She knew the baby wasn't Liam's, she was sure of it. And she didn't want to leave him without any support in that situation. Maybe they could save it after all.

- You will always give me the good days, every day, you will not ignore me and you will promise to always tell me everything, you will not hide anything.

-OK.

- Promisse, Liam.

- I promisse.

"Vain promises", Rose thought. He didn't keep the important ones, this was just one more. But she was curious to see where this would get her.

- I'm going to work, Liam, go too.

And Rose dropped her phone on the bed and went to work.

In the next days, Liam stood by his promise, despite keeping his distance and living with his son's mother.

Rose behaved as she always had behaved. She knew that sooner or later, Liam would know the truth.

If she noticed that it was all too much for her, she had decided to tell the truth to her mother and son, even knowing the sadness and humiliation that would happen.

She kept going, she loved him. But she was starting to reflect too much on if Liam was worth it. And when Rose started to reflect, it wasn't a good sign, because, as soon as she made the decision of giving up, she wouldn't go back. As much as she loved him.

Her mother noticed that she was sad, depressed even. And Gael noticed that she didn't talk about Liam so much. She kept answering his questions as if everything was fine between them, but it hurt her to do it. And Gael must have noticed too, so he stopped.

Her trip was in three weeks and Liam went for a walk with his baby's mother to a nearby town. The night before, they went to a bar and he sent her pictures of the place. She joked saying she was going out too, but she would behave and he answered :"I'm not your owner, we have talked about this, do what you want". Rose was hurt, she cried and wanted to do whatever she liked, but she couldn't do it... She wasn't like that.

Today they kept talking and he would send her photos of the places he was visiting. He had even sent her photos of the pregnant belly of Molly, the name of the woman who claimed she was pregnant with his son. Rose saw that her belly was too big for the months she claimed she had, but she kept quiet.

This was something Rose didn't understand. Why did she need to know every step he took? Of knowing who he was with, where he was, what he was doing? Something wasn't right and Rose would find out. And she knew it wouldn't take long.

Rose's trip would be in two weeks and she was talking with Maggie on videocall, as usual. Julie was behaving horribly and Maggie was almost going insane. Rose knew she had to help her friend when she came to visit. She knew it was only a visit, but Maggie was already trying to convince her to live there.

Rose didn't want anything like that. They could live in the same town, but not in the same house. If she lived with someone, it would be with Liam and, still, she would rather get a house for herself first. Maggie was dating Andrew and, with all the pressure Maggie was giving him, it wouldn't be long for them to live together, if Andrew didn't get bored first. Rose warned her every day, but Maggie was too stubborn about that, and mostly about anything. And it was something that Maggie had brought to her attention constantly. Maggie was too rushed about things and Rose too patient. Meeting halfway would be an ideal dream.

During the videocall, Liam sent her a message.

- Good morning. Today was a rough day.

- Good morning. What is wrong, Liam?

- I'm very disturbed.

- What happened?

- I found something... and i think you were right. The baby isn't mine.