TBMA [Complete ✔️]

10. Hurt

Rosalie's P.O.V

I watched as the final wolf disappeared before turning to face my brother. His expression alone was enough to make me gulp, enough for me to have to chant over and over again that he wouldn't hurt me in my head.

He wasn't father. He was anything but like father. He wouldn't hurt me.

"Knox, I-" He growled before I could finish my sentence, a chill running down my spine at its harshness.

"Alpha Rosalie, huh?" He asked, my thoughts way too jumbled of a mess for me to figure out what to say, or how to explain myself.

"I have no part in this," I said. "I've never even thought about taking your position. I have no desire to lead a pack that can't see past their own stupidity." I declared, the harshness in my voice surprising even myself.

"Sure you don't." He scoffed. "The beloved, special, healer wolf only born every one hundred and fifty years!" He emphasized the word 'special' spitting it out as if it was venom on his tongue.

"Knox-" I tried again, though I was cut short by him for what felt like the tenth time in the past minute.

"The special wolf and her brother, the cruel murderer," I flinched at his words as they cut through me like a knife.

This here, his hurt and hatred for himself, it cut far deeper than anyone had imagined, than he had let anyone imagine. So many questions and possibilities went through my mind as I stared at his blood-chilling frown, beneath which lay a broken soul. Truth was, we both just needed our mom. The whole pack just needed mom to be here.

I placed my hand on his arm, but he immediately jerked back, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Are you going to try and heal my anger now? Or perhaps give me a useless speech about how nothing was my fault?" His arms crossed in front of his chest, a defeated sigh leaving my lips. I could make a whole crowd of adult, male wolves lower their heads in respect, yet I could barely utter a word in front of my own brother.

With him, I had no idea what to say or do. When he was right in front of me, hiding his hurt with anger and harsh words, I had no idea how to pull him out of it. I had no idea how to comfort him when I've been comforted by him my entire life. I had no idea how to be on the other end.

I wanted to shout at him for taking it out on me, for abandoning our bond, for not talking to me about what he was going through, for becoming cruel when it wasn't him, I wanted to slap some sense into him and show him what he could do and become if he stopped wallowing in self-hatred, but I also just wanted to hug him. I wanted to hug him so hard he would forget to hate himself, he would forget to hate me.

"I'm not," I uttered, snapping back to reality and noticing his harsh glare on me. "There's no need to speak when you won't listen. However, I'm letting you know here and now that I want no part in challenges for the Alpha position. It's yours and it always has been. I'm also saying this for the last time, but I have no intention of harming you or doing anything that does so." The words were genuine, though most sounded like a broken record. Most I had repeated a hundred times already. We had been over this before, and yet if it meant he'd try to hate me just a little bit less, I was okay with reciting them again.

"And that's how it should be." He spat, his gaze finally turning away. He looked at the chains he was previously tied to and I had to clench my fists to stop myself from trying to comfort him. "Don't ever intervene in my training, or embarrass me again, understood?" He asked, still looking at the now unclasped chains.

"Embarrass you? How did I embarrass you?" I asked, my voice both harsh and genuinely amused. "If I hadn't helped they would've killed you!" He turned to look at me again, something flashing in his eyes. It was too quick for me to tell what it was exactly, but a part of me knew. He didn't hate the idea of dying. He didn't hate the idea of reuniting with mom or leaving dad. He didn't mind leaving me.

"You don't care, do you?" My lower lip began to tremble with both anger and hurt. "What even happened to you?" I was yelling now, but something in me was too angry, too hurt to care. "Look at what you're turning into! The brother I knew would never think about leaving me, he would never give up!" His eyes darted around the area, no doubt so he wouldn't ruin his reputation further. He didn't care about what I was saying, he cared more about those that could overhear. For once I didn't care what he thought, or who was around to listen in, I just wanted him to hear me out, to know just how painful it was waiting for someone that was right in front of me, yet wasn't coming back.

"This constant frown you have on your face is melting your brain! All you do is shout and make empty threats! Go ahead, hit me, yell at me for all I care, the brother I knew left a long time ago anyway!" He had balled his fists, an act I was starting to grow bored of. He was angry, and so was I. He was pretending he wasn't hurt by my words, I wouldn't.

"You went from the one person that loved me to the one person that hurt me the most!" My voice grew quieter as I saw there was no point in yelling. If he wanted to listen to me, he would even if I was whispering.

"I'm disappointed in who you're becoming." A pause. "Mom would be too." The words rolled off my tongue, poisoning both him and me. It physically hurt to imagine I said that to him and it hurt to see him not care. Or pretend not to care.

Tears ran down my cheeks as he left me behind, my thoughts exploding while trying to jump to the front line. Each thought wanted an escape, wanted to be heard.

'Mom would be disappointed in you.' Was the loudest. Guilt ate up at me along with sadness and hurt and anger and more emotions I couldn't even figure out. I had said the worst possible thing to my brother. I had hit him with the very blow I was trying to heal him from. I was just as bad of a sister as he had been a brother lately.

Wind slashed through me, blowing at my tear-stained cheeks. Only then did I notice my knees were unable to hold my weight any longer, or that my hands much resembled the fall leaves - shaking and trembling away from the trees.

"Miss?" An Omega came over to me, pulling me into the real world and away from my thoughts. Perhaps I needed to thank her for allowing me to escape them, even if just for a couple of moments. "Beta Zaria is expecting you for training." She explained. I had to force the defeated sigh threatening to leave my lips down.

Instead, I focused on the female's tired eyes, on the bags under them, on her body, which was obviously overworked and underfed.

"Miss?" She called again. My gaze met hers before I nodded.

"I'm going, thank you!" She nodded her head respectfully and scurried off. I finally got to release the sigh I had been holding back as I walked to the training grounds meant for females, my heart still painfully aware of our last words to our brother.

***

Training had been tough today. I was too shaken up from the events this morning to try, or care about the effort I was putting in. Sadly, it didn't go unnoticed by aunt Zaria, who I had been trying to run away from the second training finished. Unfortunately, that too didn't work as she had asked me to stay behind, and was now coming towards me.

"Come." She said, making me trail behind her. We walked in silence until we reached her office, my mind reeling with all the possible lies I could feed her just so I wouldn't have to confess what I did.

She pushed me inside and peeked her head through the door. Once she was satisfied that not too many wolves were around to see us, she closed the door and shut it behind her, gesturing for me to sit.

"You know if it were anyone but me today your behavior would have been punished severely." She stated as she too sat down. I cast my gaze down, ashamed that she had broken rules because of me. Perhaps she should have punished me, maybe that way I would have felt the pain more physically than mentally.

"I'm not here to lecture you, dear," She sighed, taking my hand in hers. "I just want to know what's wrong." And I broke down. Any and all ideas of lying to her went down the drain as I confessed my feelings to the only mother figure I had left.

For the next half an hour she held me to her chest as she did when I was younger, she threaded her fingers through my hair and put it into a nice braid. She listened to me and let me cry instead of calling me weak.

"Patience is important when it comes to family, dear." She told me as we both got up. "But so is kicking a*s when they got too much!" She winked, making me smile.

My fingers went up to touch my braided hair, the smile becoming faint as I once again dived through memories.

"Thank you!" I said honestly, fingers still running up and down the braid. "My hair hasn't been in a braid since mom-" I gulped, unable to finish the sentence, though I knew she understood.

"I can teach you how to do your own hair sometimes." She suggested, my heart warming at her words. "You need help with anything, just let me know, sweetheart!" I hugged her again, one last tear slipping down my cheek as I did so.

I also hadn't been embraced this warmly in a while, though I didn't tell her that.

A knock on the door interrupted us, forcing aunt Zaria to let me go and open the door. A young warrior peeked his head inside, his gaze searching for something until it landed on me.

"The Alpha is expecting you in his personal living room, miss!" He told me, acknowledged aunt Zaria with a respectful nod, and left.

"You'll be okay!" She reassured me, ushering me through the door. We both knew I wouldn't be, not after the stunt I pulled today, but we also both knew staying in her office and leaving him to wait would only make matters worse.

My heart pounded in my chest as I made my way upstairs, hands trembling by my sides. Each step echoed in my ears until I finally reached my father, his anger not going unnoticed even as he was with his back to me. With a last ounce of hope, I took a peek around, hoping that by some miracle Knox would come and take the blame for me as he had done thousands of times before. I knew I was selfish and I knew I deserved nothing from him after today, yet the fear in my heart was speaking louder than common sense.

"Do you have any idea what you did today?" Father's voice thundered, making me flinch. He turned around, his cold gray eyes boring into mine.

"I disrespected you and disobeyed your orders," I mumbled quietly, my voice stuck somewhere deep within my throat.

Before I knew it, his hand was imprinted on my cheek. By the time I realized what was happening, his fist met my jaw, his other hand tugging at my hair. Out of the corner of my eye, beneath the layer of thick tears, I saw Knox stare at me from behind the door. His gaze met mine, he knew I knew he was there, yet he turned around and left, not sparing me a second glance.

That hurt more than father and any blow he could land. I closed my eyes, hoping it would all be over soon.

***

I heard father's footsteps retreat, waited until I could no longer hear a sound before I got off the floor and dragged myself to my room, the absence of my brother's stuff once again tearing through the last part of me that wasn't broken.

I sunk into the mattress, sobbing my heart out until I could no longer breathe. I sobbed and cried and sniffled until my injuries, exhaustion, and adrenaline began to wear me off. I could barely keep my eyes open, yet I feared sleep.

Tonight would be the first night in which I would consciously fall asleep alone in my room, and although I had much bigger problems to deal with, like the fact that my lip was still dripping with hot, red blood, I found myself clutching my pillow in fear.

A new batch of silent tears fell, these ones for my mom. I wanted her here so badly. If she was still here, none of this would've happened. It had been years and the wound was still fresh, the thoughts of what could have been still swum in my mind daily. Her face was starting to fade into my memory, each time I couldn't remember a certain feature breaking my heart just a little more.

I switched the light on, the room not feeling as scary as it used to. My fingers ran through my braid as my eyes finally became heavy with sleep. Mom would braid my hair each night before bed. Knox had tried a couple of times, but he always got frustrated before he could finish it, or the rare times he did - it looked like anything but a braid.

I finally welcomed darkness, falling asleep to dreams of when life wasn't as horrible.

A/N

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