Chapter1
1473 Words
Britney
"You're going to be so happy!" my sister announced, handing me the pregnancy result.
"Cheer up girl," she continued. "It's been what? Two years of marriage? You both need to start a family."
I know.
I swallowed hard, shoving the results into my bag. I'd do anything to have this child next year or some other time.
I've just not been able to figure out what I want for myself. Being married to Adrian has put my life on pause but that isn't the problem. The problem is that, it is starting to feel like a bad decision.
"I'd have said we should go for a drink but guess who's about to be a mummy? oh hell no, you're having no drinks!"
Her blonde hair flew across her face as she said that, jumping a little.
I hate being the big sister to someone older than me.
Mila is two years older than I am but nothing excites her more than having a child who isn't exactly hers.
I took a deep breath, trying to contain what I really was feeling inside. I inhaled deeply, desperately sucking in oxygen, but it was clogging my throat.
I slid into Mila's Audi because I didn't want to ask Adrian for a ride or give anyone the hint of the pregnancy.
No, I'm not hiding my child... I just, I just don't know if we're ready to have a child.
"I'm scared," I opened up to her. "I'm just really scared."
"I get it," she continued. "Twenty-three and about to be a mother. When I was your age, all I thought of was how to party."
That's right.
"I just feel like... I just feel like it's not going to end well."
"You're overthinking again," she told me without taking her eyes off the road. "Adrian is going to be happy you're giving him a child. That's every man's dream!"
The car slowly came to a halt and I figured it was time to get down and face my fears.
"Thanks for the ride, sis."
I'm certain I heard her say she loves me but I was already pushing the front door open before I realised I didn't say it back.
Ourgh, Britney
I froze when I walked in and met Adrian. He left for work before I sneaked to the hospital and I didn't expect to see him here.
"Uh hey," I muttered, just before choking on my saliva. Adrian turned to me, raising an eyebrow. He said nothing but an emotionless 'hey' and just continued foraging his bookshelf.
"I thought you left already," I continued, softly clutching my bag.
I walked closer to him and circled around to where the low bookshelves beneath the wide windows were. They looked out on New York and the rest of the city.
This part of our home is his home office with books stacked around his computer, and a seismograph sitting on a small end table.
It's where he now spends the entire night instead of the king-sized poster bed we purchased.
"I forgot something important," he said nattily.
He was wearing a white shirt, a blue tie and a black suit pant so tight that I might as well be checking out his d**k print.
Even after years of being around him, this man’s body takes my breath away.
Adrian gave me a sidelong look. “Feeling okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” That came out too quickly but I couldn't figure out any other way to sound.
"Uh, actually Adrian... I want to talk to you about something."
"Me too." He said those words without looking up.
Oh.
"You should go first," I said pushing back the strands of my black wavy hair.
I mean, whatever he wants to say can resolve everything, including my fears. Adrian has been so distant lately but I get it— it's a high profile case and it needs all his attention.
I met his eyes evenly. "What I have to say is not really important," I brushed and chuckled lightly. "Tell me what it is you want to say."
"I'm going on a trip," he started. "We have a meeting with our client and it'd last about three days."
Three days? We? Who is we?
"Who is we?" I asked him, despite knowing he was running the firm with his brother.
"Jenny," he answered. "She's with me on this case."
Oh, your ex girlfriend.
"Don't give me that look," he snapped. "You know this is strictly work."
But for three days? Oh God, Britney, don't buy that s**t.
Adrian had a stern expression as he took an envelope from the shelf.
How the hell did he think I'd feel about this?
Adrian has no idea what it means to be working with his ex-girlfriend who so happens to be his colleague while I'm here, lonely and gradually becoming a stranger in my home.
“Uh-" I said and took a deep breath. "Is that all you wanted to say?"
There was a glimmer of hope in my voice. I was hoping he had more to say. Something about making it up to me when he gets back from this trip. An exquisite dinner just like the good old days, or maybe—a vacation with just the both of us but I was shocked when he looked me in the eyes and said, “I want a divorce, Brit.”
The first thing I did was to laugh.
It had to be a joke— probably a silly one to make me laugh after his attitude lately but when I looked back at Adrian, there was no iota of a cracked joke on his face.
“You are not joking?” I asked him.
“Obviously not. You're not giving me any space to breathe and this is not what I—”
I shook my head immediately. Maybe I overreacted; I shouldn't have questioned him. I was just— I was just scared that I needed to save my home from whatever was going on and from her.
“Look, Adrian” I blurted out. “I’m sorry I reacted that way, I just.. s**t, my God... Adrian, please let's talk about this.”
“I can't deal with this anymore, Brit. I have tried but I really can't."
"What do you mean?"
He handed me the envelope just before I could say anything and I blinked, my eyelash baiting.
I already knew what it was but I opened it just to clear my doubts and my heart squeezed.
Divorce papers.
All I can think is: I’m screwed. I’m screwed. I’m screwed.
This whole goddamned situation has to be a nightmare.
Who divorces a woman carrying his child?
Who leaves a woman who has lived all her life for you?
I should probably ask if I'd get any equitable distribution regarding marital assets but none of that was my problem.
The only question lingering in my heart spurt out from my mouth in that moment. "Is it Jenny? Is she the reason you're divorcing me?"
"I already have my signature on the divorce papers so I'll advise you to do the same.”
He doesn't get it, does he? I need him to answer that question.
"I'm sorry it turned out this way," he continued. "But I'd be lying if I say I want to remain married to you."
Just. shut. the. f**k. up.
He turned his back and walked towards the door. He was leaving... Adrian was leaving with his ex-girlfriend.
I could feel my ragged breaths getting worse. I've not had any asthmatic experience in some months but s**t—
“Wait," I began, trying to get enough air. "I need to tell you—”
"I'm sorry."
The door slammed behind him as he walked away and I was left there, with my hands squeezing my shirt like it would alleviate the pain.
He can't do this to me...
“No no,” I muttered as I kept hyperventilating. There was only one person who I could call and just before I could drop to the floor, I dialed Mila's number.
"Hey... Mila?"
"Hey newest— wait. Are you crying? What's going on Brit?"
Adrian is dumping me, that's what is going on.
I really wish it was that easy to say but my heart squeezed as I looked at the pregnancy results I shoved out from my bag.
"Tell me what he said," she muttered ehen she sensed a difference in my tone.
"He... he wants a divorce."
I wish I could see what was going through Mila's head but I couldn't. All I wanted was a family of my own, where I could be the mother I never had to my child.
"Brit?" Mila's voice blared softly. "Are you keeping it?"
- Writer
