RELATIONSHIP AND MOTIVATION

IF YOU ARE TIRED OF HAVING FAILED RELATIONSHIPS AND WANT TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE THAT WILL LAST, THEN THIS WILL

One of the mindset and biggest mistakes I see people make in relationships and marriage is the mindset that things will run on autopilot from the start. When this happens, it’s easy for a couple to deeply love each other, yet unknowingly allow small issues to grow unnoticed, eventually damaging the relationship.

Stay with me.

To have a successful relationship or marriage, you need to see it as a newborn baby—something that needs nurturing, care, and attention to grow. Both partners must be intentional about putting 100% into their relationship because every thing that must grow must be feed well and everything that will died must be starved.

So are you feeding the positives and starving the negatives or are you starving the positives and feeding the negative things in your relationship.

Over time, certain aspects of your relationship will develop enough to sustain themselves based on how much effort you put, but that doesn’t mean you can neglect checking in on each other. Some part of your relationship will still need 100% of your input to keep thriving. Small problems, if ignored, can turn into big issues.

We live in a fast-paced world where daily challenges from work, social life, and other obligations can easily distract you from giving your partner the attention they deserve. After a long day, many people come home exhausted, and when their partner wants to communicate, they push it aside in favor of rest. This disconnection has caused many relationships to suffer, especially marriages.

When children enter the picture, it becomes even more challenging. You now have to juggle being a good partner, a parent, and keeping up with work and extended family. In this busy life, it’s easy to unintentionally ignore the one person who should matter most—your partner.

So how do you ensure that you don't get to that point where you sit down with your partner and all you are talking about is how to break up or get a divorce because you have grown apart and no longer feel connected?

The key to preventing this disconnection is a “weekly or biweekly relationship checkup.”

Just like a health checkup ensures your body is in good shape, a relationship checkup allows you to assess the health of your relationship. Seeing a relationship coach would be great but this checkup I am talking about today is a self checkup. Set aside a specific day and time each week or every two weeks to focus solely on each other. During this checkup, consider these areas:

1. Identify Weak Spots in your relationship

Reflect on any issues that arose during the week. Was there anything that hurt your feelings? Did either of you feel ignored? Be open and honest to ensure no problem is left unaddressed. The goal is to acknowledge what didn’t work and make the necessary adjustments.

2. Celebrate the Wins

This checkup isn’t just about finding problems—it’s also about acknowledging what’s working. Talk about the things your partner did that made you feel loved and appreciated. Praising each other for the good things strengthens your connection and motivates more positive behavior.

3. Assess Your Goal and Growth as a Couple

Did you grow closer this week or drift apart? Did you fulfill your goals from your last checkup or other goals your set as a couple in general. Remember, a lasting marriage requires consistent closeness and mutual growth. If you notice any disconnection, address it immediately. You can’t afford to let negativity take root.

4. Review Parenting

If you have kids, evaluate how well you parented as a team. When you’re aligned as parents, it strengthens your bond. Poor coordination in parenting, however, can create distractions and reduce your affection for each other. Be intentional not to allow your kids pit you against each other. Communicate before making decisions so you can be a united front.

5. Discuss s*x and Money

These are two areas that can strain any marriage if not managed well. Regularly discussing your financial situation and intimacy helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust. Many couples are not enjoying s*x not because they can’t be good at it but because they are not talking to each on how to satisfy each other. Teach each other what you desire in bed and be open to learning.

The Goals of This Checkup Are Simple:

1. Do more of what works

2. Reduce or eliminate what doesn’t

3. Catch small misunderstanding before they become big problems

To make this process effective:

1. Both partners must be willing to participate. It takes two to maintain a healthy relationship—one person can’t do it alone.

2. Turn off your attack and defense mode. This isn’t a time to accuse or defend. Approach the conversation with empathy and a focus on understanding and making improvements.

3. Create action steps and follow through. After each checkup, write down what you’ve