Perfect girlfriend

Chapter one - My hard life

Layla's POV:

Hi, my name is Layla. I am an 18-year-old girl in high school. My childhood was fine. I was a normal kid. That was until I turned thirteen, and things started changing. I was diagnosed with a horrible disease. Let's say that no matter what I was eating, I still kept losing weight. In the beginning, it wasn't that bad. I lost a kilogram in a month. That continued until I was seventeen. Then this disease got worse. I was losing weight faster. The worst thing was that I couldn't eat as much as I wanted. If you give me a full plate, I can eat half of it. Otherwise, I will throw up. I noticed that many times. I thought it was because of some ingredient in the food, but no. Whenever I ate more, I was immediately throwing up. Then I couldn't continue eating because the same thing would happen. I am so skinny that you will think that I am anorexic. My parents have taken me to the doctor since the beginning. Now I visit her every three months. She has always checked my weight. The woman tried to give me some pills. Of course, I drank them, but it didn't help. So, I kept losing weight until today. It was ok for a 13-year-old girl to weigh forty-five kilograms. The most I have been fifty-eight kilograms. Then I started losing weight. Currently, I am forty-four kilograms, and I'm afraid that the number will keep going down. More than anything, I want to gain weight, but I don't know how to do it. The problem is that my disease is rare. Also, not many tests can show how to stop this. I hope that one day, I will be able to gain weight. I don't want to be fat, but being skinny is not good either. All the girls who want to be skinny better stop. It's not nice.

I woke up and went to get dressed. Since this problem started, I have hidden my body. Mostly I wear baggy clothes. During winter, I wear oversized hoodies. I used to be size M, but now even XS is big for me. Sometimes it's hard for me to find clothes which can fit me. Once I went into a kids' store. The woman looked at me confused, but after I explained my situation, she understood. Don't ask about summer. Most of the time, I am at home. I have t-shirts in sizes S or even M.

When I was ready, I walked downstairs for breakfast. My parents must be at work. To my surprise, mom was in the kitchen. Maybe she has a free day today. I don't know. She never told me anything. I took a bowl and filled half of it with cereal and milk. I would love to eat a full one, but I can't. After all, I want to have some food in my stomach. I wish that I could eat normally.

- Hey, honey. How are you today?

- The same as yesterday.

- If you want, we can go out. The weather is nice.

- Thanks, but I don't want to go out.

- Layla, please stop hiding. You are perfect the way you are.

- You say this because you are my mom.

- No, I say it because I mean it. There is nothing wrong with you.

- When a stranger says this to me, I will believe it.

- If you want someone to say it, you should show yourself.

- That won't happen. Now, if you excuse me, I want to eat.

No one said anything else. I love my mom, but sometimes she is annoying. Since I started hiding my body, she has been like that. If I show who I am, people will stare at me. Some of them will think I am sick, and others that I am dieting. Let's not talk about my new nickname. I am a live skeleton. I just can't take all the negativity which will come. I should appreciate myself more, but I can't.

- You need to be braver.

- You know that there is a solution.

- Don't start again. My answer is no.

- But this might help me.

- Yes, or make things worse. I won't agree.

- How do you know? Mom, I want things to get better.

- Me too.

- Then why don't you want to let me do this? The doctor said that it would be fine. It doesn't hurt.

- Yes, but she also said that it might not help. I don't want you to get skinnier.

- Mom, please.

- I said no! That's it. Final decision. - she said and left

My mom will never agree to this. The thing is that my doctor said that there is medical treatment. It lasts one month, and I have to be in the hospital. Now comes the problem. She doesn't know if this will help me. There is a chance that I might get better, but also one that I might get worse. The disease is rare, and there are not many tests for it. Up to now, there hasn't found a solution that will help people with my condition. Also, this treatment is twenty-five thousand dollars. Very cheap, right? My mom has no problem with money. She doesn't want me to get worse. I understand her, but she needs to be more positive. Dad is ok with that, but I know that he is worried. I am too, but I have to try. I walked into my parents' room and saw mom sitting on the bed.

- Mom, are you ok?

- Yes.

- If you want, we can go out.

- Didn't you say that you didn't want to go out?

- Yes, but I don't like it when you are upset.

- I just don't want you to hide behind clothes.

- Mom, I'm fine. I prefer to hide instead of getting hateful comments.

- No one will hate you.

- You don't know what people in school are.

- To understand that you plan to hide this year as well.

- I don't want people to make fun of me. I have seen girls in school making fun of another girl because she was a bit fat.

- Look, I understand, but you can't hide your whole life. What if one day you have a boyfriend? You will hide this from him too.

- Maybe.

- Layla, this is not a solution.

- I know, but I have no choice.

- If he loves you, he will accept you the way you are.

- You are talking as if you know who he is.

- Honey, you are one beautiful girl. I don't know why you don't like yourself. Other girls can be jealous of you.

- For sure, they will. Every girl wants to be skinny.

- Things will be fine. I promise you.

- I hope that you are right.

- I am.

- Can I snuggle?

- Sure. Come here.

- Thanks.

My best friend is my mom. The thing is that I didn't make any friends in school. Not permanent. I talk with some people, but only there. If I have friends, I have to tell them about my problem. I don't want the whole school to know about this. It's not something good.

After all, mom and I walked out. She wanted to buy me new clothes, so we went to the mall. We walked into a*****e, and my eyes landed on a black leather jacket. It was nice, but I had to check the size.

- Damn it!

- Layla, is there a problem?

- I can't find my size.

- This jacket will suit you very well.

- I know, but the smallest size is S. It's big for me.

- Maybe they have smaller ones in the warehouse. Let me ask.

- Hi, how can I help you? - one woman asked

- Hi, do you have this jacket in size XS?

- I have to check. Is there XS here?

- No, we didn't find one.

- Let me check. I will come back in five minutes.

The woman came back and said they didn't have a smaller size. I have no problem buying size S, but it will be too loose. It looks like I don't have luck. Whenever I go shopping, the cashiers look at me. Let's not talk about the moment when I tell them my size. That is why I am hiding. The looks of people are enough to make me feel insecure. They think that I am strange or that something is wrong with me. As if it's my fault that I am so skinny. At least I have no problem with finding shoes.

- I'm sorry, honey. Maybe we can find a better one in the other store.

- It's ok. I'm used to this.

- Don't be sad. I'm sure that we'll find something that is your size.

Mom and I walked to a couple of stores. I had some luck. I found a nice shirt with long sleeves, jeans, and a jacket. It's not like the one I saw in the first store, but it's good. Later, we walked home. Dad was already there.

- I see that you two went shopping.

- Yes, we did. - mom said

- Layla, is everything ok?

- Yes, don't worry. I'll go and leave the bags in my room.

I ordered everything in my wardrobe and sat on the bed. Why do I have to go through this? It's horrible. I will never be able to feel myself again. People always make me feel awkward and embarrassed about my weight. Now I wish that I was able to eat more. The problem is that I can't. I can eat often, but it's still not enough. Sometimes I am hungry, but I still can't eat much. It looks like I am starving myself, but I have no choice. I prefer having less food in my body than no food at all. There was a knock on the door, and dad came in. He sat on the bed next to me.

- Will you tell me what the problem is?

- I don't know. I'm just tired of everything.

- Look, I know this is hard for you. One day it will be over.

- When? After all the comments that I get daily about my weight.

- No one hates you. It's just hard to believe that so skinny people exist.

- You have no idea how people look at me.

- That's because you let this bother you. Ignore the people. They talk all the time. Also, they don't know why you are in this state.

- I know, but it still hurts.

- Don't let them win. Show people that you are stronger than them.

- How am I supposed to do that?

- By stopping paying attention to what they talk about you. Being yourself is your greatest weapon.

- It's easy for you. Everyone likes you.

- I won't be so sure. All you have to do is focus on yourself.

- I don't think that I can do that.

- You need to believe in yourself.

- It's easier said than done.

- It depends on you.

- I know. Can we go for dinner now?

- Yes, sure. Let's go.

Both with dad walked downstairs. Mom was setting the table. The food is delicious, but I can't eat much. I always starve myself. Maybe I can eat more. I don't care if I will throw up.

- Mom, can you put more?

- No problem, but you know what happens when you eat more.

- I know, but I am hungry. I'm tired of starving myself.

- Ok, here you go.

I ate everything. It was so good. Ten minutes after that, I rushed into the bathroom. That was for my food. I threw up everything. Now I can't eat. Otherwise, the same thing will happen. I hate my body. That is horrible. I washed my face and mouth and went back to the table.

- Are you ok? - mom asked

- Yes, I'm fine.

- This is why I didn't want you to eat more. Now your stomach is empty. Like you haven't eaten anything.

- Sometimes, I want to eat as much as I want.

- I know, but you have to be careful. If you don't have any food in your body, it won't function well.

- That's what I hate the most.

- We'll find a solution. I promise you.

- I hope so. I'm getting tired of being sick all the time.

The rest of the night I spent with my parents. We watched a movie, and later I went to bed. Only two weeks have left until the beginning of the new school year. Honestly, I'm not in the mood for that. It's not like I have a choice. That is my last year of high school. I have to graduate. Let's hope that I will get better. I need to convince mom about this treatment. I know the chances of getting better and worse are equal, but I should try. I don't want to continue like that. I want to be able to eat as much as I want without being worried that I will throw up at the next minute. I hope that one day this will be over.