B
580 Words
BACK: 1. That part of the body to which your friend directs his remarks when he tells you the truth. 2. A smooth surface composed of skin and bones which stretches between Land's End and John O'Groat's.
Bal-Masque: The coronation of Mephisto.
Balivorax: A Battle Creek Bellifiller, made from selected fidoes, fuddies, fresh freddies, chibots and chitterlings. Ladies love it, babies cry for it, and men who eat it are loved by the ladies who love it who have babies who cry for it. This is the filler fidgeted for by Juno before she weaned Hercules-who was no bottle-baby-and fed to him afterward. Ask your Bagpiper and take no other.
Beatitude: A rare and evanescent mental state caused by the reception of money that one has not earned. Synonyms: Windfall, remittance.
Beggar: A robber who has lost his nerve-a bandit with a streak of yellow in his ego.
Biddle: The act of introducing a prizefight in a Sunday School.
Billysunday: 1. A theological jumping-jack, jerked by financial strings. 2. Any one with a pious emotional jag. 3. Hypnosis at so much per. 4. A person intent on saving his soul by religious rigmarole at the expense of reason. 5. To paddle away to Paradise in an orthodox canoe, and feel happy in the thought that most of the folks on the Big Ship are going to Hell.
Bloomingdale: A condition of mind.
Bastard: Any man who doubts his own immaculate conception.
Bean: A dynamic spheroid, combustible under certain conditions.
Blaberino: Any person who tells a person something a person says about him, which puts fishbones in the throat and brickbats in the Ostermoor of the person told.
Booty: 1. Whatever belongs to somebody that really belongs to somebody else, or whatever belongs to somebody else that really belongs to you or ought to belong to you if it did not belong to a third party-hence, anything at all. 2. Property in a transitional stage.
Baptism: Hydrocephalic abracadabra.
Bard: Anciently a poet; now a Poet-Laureate.
Boredom: 1. The essential nature of monogamy. 2. A period or rest between I Did and I Will. 3. A state of divine revelation wherein for a single moment we are carried by the giant of Eternal Inutility to the abysms and summits of the perpetual Nix. (The word boredom comes from Bore, a tired son of Noah. After the subsidence of the waters, Bore wandered about the earth, yawning and gaping and stretching, for at that time malaria oozed from many stagnant pools. Finally, absolutely exhausted, Bore, being afraid to be down on the damp and slimy soil, rested on the seventh day on his own bean, hence boredom.)
Bughouse: 1. A condition of mind (See Boston) 2. The place where a person without funds is sent under certain conditions.
Business: Looking a payroll in the eye and kiting checks. 2. A method of reducing a landlady to her lowest terms.
Businessman: One who gets the business and completes the transaction-all the rest are clerks and laborers.
Butler: 1. A Person or Thing that has charge of the servants in a house belonging to another Person or Thing. 2. A tyrant without ears, eyes, organs, dimensions, passions.
Brain: A commodity as scarce as radium and more precious, used to fertilize ideas.
Bohemia: A good place in which to camp, but a very poor place in which to settle down.
Bread: A foodstuff which the rich occasionally give to the poor as a substitute for cake.
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