Rejection, Refuge, Revere

Chapter 4

Hunter’s body stiffens, which confuses me. He’s my mate. We know each other so why is he stiff? The goddess blessed us.

“Alright, that's long enough.” Charlie says, placing a hand on Hunter’s shoulder and pulling away. When he does, Hunter’s green eyes find mine and the bond pulls. He’s angry and sad. He seems miserable and my stomach drops. He doesn’t want me.

“I need to go make my rounds. But it was nice seeing you all. We’ll catch up later.” Hunter says, wincing when he looks at me and runs away.

“You okay?” Thad asks, coming to the front of me. His hazel eyes crinkle at the corner holding concern.

No I’m not okay. My heart feels like it is breaking, but I don’t tell him that.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I say and he studies me for a moment before nodding.

We need to speak to him. Maybe he is just scared. He did run away. Leo says, hopeful as always. I nod to myself.

Yeah, maybe he is just scared. I know Hunter, he is good. He couldn’t wait to find his mate. We would talk about it and he would get so excited when we were kids. We stopped talking about it later in life, but that couldn’t have changed right?

“I need some air.” I tell Thad and Charlie. They nod, but look at me warily.

“We could come with you.” Charlie suggests and I shake my head.

“No. You two should socialize, try to find your mates. They could be here and you’re both standing with me in the corner. I’ll be back in a little while.” I tell them and they nod. I don’t miss the excitement in their eyes when I mention that their mates could be here. There is a bubbling of guilt in my gut along with the despair of my mate running away that I can’t handle right now. I kept them from finding their mates, what kind of sister does that?

I give them a smile and turn to leave. I notice that there are two sets of balcony doors that lead to outside and go to one of them, making sure to make eye contact with Hunter as I leave. We need to talk, no matter what happens.

I walk out of the doors and see that this balcony leads to a garden, making quick work of the stairs. I find a private area where nobody should find us. I know that he will follow my scent.

Pacing, I wait for what seems like eternity until I hear the soft step on the grass near me.

I stop and face the sound, knowing it's him from the pull in my chest.

I hear a deep exhale and then Hunter steps into the little area I found. We are surrounded by bushes and what looks like gold roses, which cannot be natural.

“H. Hunter.” I stutter then step closer to him. He smells like salted caramel and my mouth waters. I meet his green eyes and the pain I see there almost makes me choke. No.

“Amona.” His rich voice calls and I fight the shiver that spreads down my back at the way he says my name. I wait though, seeing how I need to handle this, I don’t want to run to him if he pushes me away.

“A. Amona. I’m sorry. I. I can’t.” He says, then flinches as the bond pulls tight in both of us at his words.

“I don’t understand, Hunter. Why can’t you?” I ask, my voice shaking with the pain I am starting to feel.

“You have no rank Amona. This won’t be accepted. A Beta must mate with a gamma or higher. You know how Alpha is.” He says as if I should understand, but I don’t.

“I don’t. We are mates. The goddess gifted us this bond. It should be accepted no matter what. The goddess decided that we are meant for each other.” I almost plead. He shakes his head.

“She must have made a mistake. I. I can’t mate you Amona. You’re unranked.” He grits out and I startle back at the bond squeezing in my chest.

“N. No. It’s what the goddess chose. I don’t. I can’t understand.” I say reaching for him and he shakes his head, taking a step back.

“Amona stop. I’m.. sorry. You are a wonderful person, you truly are, but Alpha won’t allow this. He will cast us out. I can’t have that. I can’t. You. We can’t.” He says and flinches again at his words.

My heart shatters and I feel a tear fall down my cheek.

“I need you to reject me, Amona.” He says almost stumbling.

“No.” I say firmly and he shakes his head.

“You don’t have a wolf. It won’t hurt you as badly.” He tries to argue, but I won’t hear of it.

“I WILL feel it Hunter, Just as I feel it now. I will not go against the goddess’s blessing and wishes by rejecting you. YOU will need to do this. Make your decision. I will accept it if that is what you choose, only to make sure you don’t hurt me when you CHOOSE your mate, but I will not reject you.” I say. He pulls himself to his full height and scowls at me. No sign of the Hunter I used to know, just a cold, heartless man.

“Fine. Be selfish. I Beta Hunter Stronghold of the Rising Dawn pack, reject you, Amona Ruse, as my mate.” He says. I gasp as the bond tears from my chest, almost making my dinner come back up from the pain. He stumbles then falls to the ground holding his chest.

“I accept your rejection Beta Hunter.” I say and the last thread of our bond snaps. I stumble away, crying and clutching my chest. Goddess it feels like fire ants are crawling over my body.

I make my way further into the garden and find a gold painted bench. I fall in front of it, lay my head on the seat and stare at the beautiful, starry sky.

“Goddess, why did you do this? All I ever wanted was somebody to love me. To care for me. To FINALLY see me and see the worth I have.” I ask through sobs.

That’s all I ever wanted. Thad and Charlie are good to me, but they are the only ones. Everybody else is so mean to me.

Maybe everybody is right. I am worthless. I’m nobody, less than a nobody even. I thought that I could ignore them, have my purpose in helping kids but even those kids grew up to hate me, to see me as less than.

I’m just another mouth to feed, a disappointment, a failure. A waste of resources. I shouldn’t be here.

I cry and cry as I spiral. Normally Leo is the one who pulls me out of this, but she is grieving too. Which makes this worse.

“I’m sorry you got stuck with me as your human, Leo.” I whisper and I feel her anger rise.

DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT! I may be upset right now, but that is NOT your fault. It’s that sorry excuse for a Beta. She lectures me.

I don’t know how long I sit here sobbing, but eventually it turns to silent tears as I stare into the sky asking the goddess why.