Break the Distance

Chapter 7

Saturday 20th of August 2016

Wellington, New Zealand

Richelle Smith's pov

"Thank you again," I say when I walk out the door. "If I hear that once again I'm gonna scream," Katie says. "Sorry," I say. "It's okay," Katie says smiling, "just that you can always come here and also know that you're like a sister to me and my sisters and a daughter to my parents." I smile slightly. "Thanks," I say.

"So I'll see you Monday?" I ask. "Totally," Katie says, "see you Monday."

With a bag filled with some food for my dad and for tomorrow morning I start walking back home. It was a great evening, it's always great. Evenings like this make me miss having a real family like they have. I don't have a mom and my brother is practically never home.

A family is really what would make me happy, I don't care if we're poor or even if we're homeless. The warm save feeling will always be there when you've a family who loves you.

A tear leaves my eye. What could my life have been if I wasn't born in New Zealand? I shake my head a little and start walking faster. 'Don't think about it Richelle,' I tell myself. I've thought about that many times before and most times I would conclude that my life probably would've been much better.

After a few minutes of walking I start feeling raindrops fall down. When I left Katie the sky already looked dark and grey, but I didn't think it would start to rain so soon. It doesn't stay with the few raindrops, it's like someone is holding a shower head above my head. Since it's raining the streets are completely empty, I nothing else than the rain falling down on earth.

Did you already know that the sound of rain falling down one of the most beautiful sounds is? I think it's amazing how it drowns out so many other sounds.

When I'm back home even my underwear is wet, it hasn't rained this hard in a while! All the lights in the house are off so I assume my dad is asleep. I place the food in one of the cupboards and walk quietly upstairs.

After a quick shower I put my pajamas on and lay in my bed. It's not that late yet, but what else do I have to do. I scroll down i********: and see that Noah posted something. A smile appears on my face instantly and I get a warm comfortable feeling. It's a picture of him and his little sister Marylou, she's so adorable. 'Selfie with the birthday girl, happy 5th birthday little LouLou,' the caption says. It's honestly the cutest thing ever.

I go to the comment section, hundreds of comments wishing her a happy birthday or telling how cute they look. Should I comment too?

This is my daily struggle, I actually want to react on all his pictures, telling how perfect and beautiful they are but something keeps me from it. Some voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm weird and that I stalk him. I want him to notice me so badly. I want him to notice me, then realize that I'm 17 and in the perfect situation he would then fall in love with me. But the voice tells me that he would never date a fan and especially not a poor one.

A tear leaves my eye, 'just do it Richelle,' I tell myself. 'Happy birthday!!' I type. Should I add an emoji or just keep it simple and sweet? I delete the comment and sigh. 'Happy birthday!!' I type again after some hesitating. Yea, I'm just going to go for it.

I close my eyes and press on enter. I carefully open one of my eyes and see that it's posted. A sigh leaves my mouth as I also open my other eye, why does this make me so nervous?

I go to my private messages and scroll through all the messages I've send him. I'm actually so embarrassed by them. I really hate it that I sent them, but at the same time I also love them. Since I started following him, the good old time when I just had a little crush on him, I've been sending him my favorite quotes every now and then.

I felt like I had to try to make some kind of connection. You'll probably understand I just hoped he would notice me one day, but he never even saw it let alone reacted on it. 'Just another 8 year old,' he will probably think when he sees them.

All the quotes are so positive and uplifting, I really like reading them back when I have a bad day.

Should I send another one? I really want to and there's this song I heard a few days back which is constantly in my head. I look what time it is, 2 am, I really should go sleep. I lay my phone away and close my eyes, waiting to fall asleep. But I don't fall asleep.

I open my eyes and stare in the darkness, I just can't sleep. It feels like I'm kind of afraid to fall asleep after the nightmare I had yesterday, I don't want to have nightmares about him.

My phone tells me that it's 2:30 am by now, time flies. I get out my bed and walk to my window. As I shove the curtains to the side my whole room lights up, the moon is shines so bright this night and the sky is full of stars. I love nights. The darkness, the stars, the moon, the silence, I just love everything about it.

That's the moment where I switch the flip in my head. I'm going to send him that quote, I'll just do it without thinking and then hopefully he won't see it. It's one of those weird things of mine. I want him to read them, but somewhere I also want him to never see them. I kind of try to protect myself, keep this love so unattainable as possible to protect my heart from getting broken. What if he reads it and reacts to it, I'm scared I'll like him even more.

I grab my phone and type the quote, without thinking I press send. 'We should stare at the stars, not just the screens,' I send. I let out a sigh, in the end it feels good that I sent it. I lay my phone aside and lay back in my bed again, letting the curtains open. Hopefully I can peaceful fall asleep now.