Break the Distance

Chapter 40

Wednesday 28th of September, 2016

Auckland, New Zealand

Noah Williams

"I'm looking for Richelle’s neighbor."

Literally my whole body is shaking and I look around in the audience. It becomes silence again and everyone is looking around not really knowing what's going on. Nobody is standing up or something and after a few minutes someone grabs the mic from me. "Always in for a joke, right Noah," James says and slaps jokily on my shoulder

"Anyways," he says, "enjoy the last dance."

James pulls me back of stage and pushes me back on stage when the music starts.

The whole dance I experience in some kind of trance. I smile, but I want to cry. I don't even care about the fact that I totally made a fool out of myself, I'm worried about Richelle. I wished so badly that I would meet her today and it really was a nadir when I found out I wasn't going to meet her.

This plan gave me hope, I thought that it would all be alright in the end. It was all for nothing.

As soon as the show is over and the lights go out I run off stage straight to the dressing room and lock myself up in one of the toilets.

I just don't understand. When I asked for Richelle’s neighbor nobody stood up or said something. Like that person came to the meet and greet and just disappeared after that. Not that I know what would've happened when someone would've stood up. It's not like it was possible for me to just walk towards her asking for Richelle’s number.

Maybe I could've asked her to stay a little longer after the show.

I sit down against the wall. It doesn't matter anymore, I doubt if Richelle’s neighbor was even in the room. Or maybe she didn't feel addressed. Who knows.

I pull my phone out and go to all the conversations I ever had with Richelle. Is this it? Am I ever going to meet her or was this the last time I'll ever hear from her?

I can't help but smile when I scroll through the photos of her on which she looks so happy and careless.

" Noah?" I hear Riley’s voice suddenly from the other side of the door, "are you in there?" I don't response, I don't want to face them right now. " Noah are you okay?" I now hear Michelle’s worried voice. "We would really to know what that was about," Eldon says then.

Good. Are they literally all standing on the other side of the door? They really know how to not make me speak up. "Yea we would really like to know who Richelle is," James mocks. I hear the sound of a slap followed by an 'ouch' and some angry mumbling.

"Sorry," I say then trying to sound as normal as possible, "it was nothing, I'll be there in a few seconds and we'll just forget about it okay?"

"Okay," Michelle says then after a while clearly not convinced that I'm fine.

I lean with my head back against the wall and hear the door close. How can I explain this to them if I don't even understand it myself?

A long time later I finally have the guts to get out. I walk with my head down straight to my bag and pull a sweater over my head. I quickly pack the rest of my bag and start making my way out when I bump into someone.

"Sorry,' I mumble without looking up. I want to continue walking, but the person doesn't move. "And now you're going to tell what is really going on," Giselle says sternly and when I carefully look up I see her standing with her arms crossed.

"I wanted to thank her for the letter I got from her," I say fighting against my tears. "And why do you then look like you're about to cry?" she asks stubborn. "Because I made a fool out of myself in front of a whole audience and probably a lot of camera's," I lie. Don't think it's a surprise that I really don't give a s**t about that, but I'm not going to tell Giselle how badly I wanted to meet Richelle.

"Yea it was pretty bad," Giselle says and she chuckles slightly. "Thanks," I say and look down again. "Sorry," Giselle says, "you sure you're alright?" "I'm fine," I say slightly looking up. Giselle looks genuinely concerned.

I want to go home. I want to lay in my bed with my head hidden in my pillow and cry, but I can't. I wish Marylou was here. Marylou always knows how to cheer me up. Just her being herself cheers me up more than anything ever can.

But I actually just want Richelle to be here. I want to wrap my arms around her, never letting go again.

I feel a tear slide down over my cheek and wipe it quickly away hoping Giselle didn't saw it. " Noah everything is going to okay," she says pulling me into a hug. So she did see... I can't fight the tears anymore. Without making a noise I cry quietly on Giselle’s shoulder. What 18 year old guy cries as much as I do?! I'm really started to wonder if there isn't something wrong with me. I know I've always been a sensitive person, but I never cry as quickly as I did those last weeks. Actually since I started talking to Richelle.

I told you Richelle was changing me. She changed me.

"It's going to be okay," Giselle says again, "I don't know what's wrong, but it's going to be fine." I hope so. I really hope things are going to be okay again.

After a while of just standing there, crying on Giselle’s shoulder in silence I start to calm down and Giselle pulls away. I dry my eyes with my sleeve. "You're okay to go back to the hotel?" she asks. "Yea," I say and try to smile, "I'm fine."

Or at least, I wish I was.