Misreckon

Chapter 16 - Words of Wisdom

Cora fumbled with her rings as she stared at her school book, a measly paragraph long essay was not enough and she blamed it on the argument with Ivan during today's break. It made listening and actively participates in her lessons, a challenge. 

"Sorry that it's really short Miss -" I handed my English teacher my book: she had asked for everyones so she could mark them. I felt shame in my work and hoped she wouldn't be disappointed. 

She looked up, scrunched her brows and c****d her head sideways slightly. 

"- I can finish it off at home if you'd like ?" I suggested innocently. 

She shook her head. 

"No, that's alright. Are you okay though ?" She interrogated with sincerity. Her heartfelt question caused a grin to grown on my face, needing this bit of kindness, I felt lighter. 

"Just some friendship troubles but nothing serious. Thank you for asking me." I explained with a sweet tone and looked to the side, realising that everyone had left the classroom for dinner. 

"Well if you need a chat, come by and i'll be here." She offered and I nodded. 

"Thanks Miss! See you tomorrow." I farewelled and left her room. 

My stomach reminded me of my anxious thoughts as I feared going back to the dinner table to see Ivan. The library seemed like the best option.

It was almost completely empty and I decided to sit at my usual reading and studying spot: the corner. As I reached closer to it, I saw a figure stood, searching through the nearby bookshelf. This tall and broad figure belonged to Dean.

I couldn't deny that I was pleased to see him on this coincidental encounter. But I couldn't say the same for him as, he looked at me when he heard my footsteps, and turned back to look at the books, as though I was nothing of importance or that I didn't require a simple greeting or smile. 

"Hi." I greeted him as I walked by, ignoring his own mannerless behaviour. 

A moment passed. 

"No one comes here at dinner." I heard him state as I sat down at the table that was closest to him and the bookshelf, he was still searching through it. 

"Well there's two of us now." I declared and placed my bag on the table. He turned after hearing the sound of my bag hitting the table and furrowed his brows, I looked up at him and felt uncomfortable as his stares were always intense. 

"What are you looking for ?" I asked. 

"A book." He replied bluntly, not taking his eyes away from the shelf. 

"Well I wouldn't be expecting you to find anything else other than a book when you're searching through a bookshelf. What book is it?" I continued, attempting a playful smidge of sarcasm. I never quite picked him as the reading type. Based on what I knew of him, I expected him to see reading as boring or pointless. He surprised me. 

"It doesn't matter, it's not here anyway." He spat, turning to face me. 

"Do you usually come here ?" I attempted to change the subject as for some reason, not finding his desired book had caused him to scowl without noticing he was doing so. 

"Yeah, it's quiet and it's my getaway from the pathetic low lives in this establishment." He explained with a bitter tone. I felt offended by such a declaration but unlike him, I wasn't being bullied or had a real reason to get away. This was his escape and had intruded. 

I began to stand, grabbing my bag. 

"I won't continue to invade your space then." I said with an apologetic tone.

"Don't." He commanded. His expression implied that he found it a difficult task to allow me to stay, to even say the singular word. 

"You're not exactly like them, you're bearable." He explained with a hint of confusion: he appeared shocked as to how he even allowed himself to say such a 'positive' comment to me. 

"Bearable." I repeated, sitting back down at my chair. 

He nodded and moved towards the chair opposite my own, his figure appearing dominating regardless of the decrease in height. He was staring at me, observing me as I did him. Glistening, the diamanté cross that hung from his chain peaked just above his brown sweatshirt but was hidden again as he straightened his back. 

"Why are you here anyway, aren't your friends missing you ?" He questioned, his jaw tensing slightly afterwards. 

"I got into an argument with Ivan earlier and I just didn't want to face him. Cowardly, I know." I shrugged and looked down at my hands on the table as I traced the ends of my manicured nails. 

"What did you argue over ?" He furrowed his brows and I looked up, my shoulders raising slightly as I inhaled. 

"It's not important, what's important is that we will never agree on the matter. We just need to accept our differences." I was hiding the truth, well, omitting it. He swallowed, keeping his eyes on me directly. I had never seen him soo focused or engaged, especially not when regarding myself. 

"Cora, tell me." He pressed and I began shaking my head, but somewhat knowing that I couldn't ignore his commands. He had this power that I couldn't pin point. 

He continued his stare, breaking me. 

"You. We fought over you." The words fell from my mouth. 

"Me ?" His lips turned up, slightly, yet his forehead was still wrinkled. I was a great liar, but, especially with the honesty he had with me, I couldn't. 

He gifted me with the ease of truth. Ofcourse, he already knew about my father before I could even call him an acquaintance. I didn't have to pretend or lie around him, I could tell him the honest and shameful truth and he would be completely un-phased. 

"He doesn't like me being around you, it's stupid, it really is. The drugs he does are more harmful to him than us spending time together ever will be. He's a hypocrite." Embarrassment and regret. I had shared Ivans secret with Dean because of how easily the angered thoughts overpowered my speech.

He looked amused. 

"I shouldn't have said that." I shook my head and facepalmed. Though we were not on the best of terms, I still cared for my friend. 

"So you're here because of me basically ?" He assumed. I didn't understand why his face appeared soo smug, as though he enjoyed being the reason for my dispute. 

"Well not really, it was my choice to stand up for you." I answered, bringing my hands down onto my lap and rubbing them on the material of my light blue jeans. The library was always cold, even my cream knitted jumper did nothing to keep me warm. Thankfully my hair was down, preventing the draft from reaching my neck: my sensitive point in terms of cold weather. 

"I don't need you to do that." He mentioned. 

"Im aware." I retorted, very aware that he was more than capable of looking after himself. 

"I like it better in here anyway, it's quiet and peaceful. No one's there to watch or say anything to you. You can just ... relax." The words fell from my mouth, again, as I admired the serenity and absence of people. Not even the librarian was here, she must be elsewhere on her lunch break. 

"Oh, because you have soo many people who hate you out there ?" He sarcastically asked, raising his brows: we were both different people in the presence of school, classmates and teachers. 

"I'm not myself out there ... my friends think i'm something i'm not because i've been forced to put on an act. My problems are ones I can't speak to anyone about so I feel like i'm someone else when im at school, not my true self. I like it here because i don't have to do that." I explained in a way that I hoped he would understand, catch a glimpse of my tiredness and see that I was being truthful. 

"Everyone knows things about me, people hate me for it but it'll free you from how you feel now. You don't have to keep pretending to fit in with them so just leave your character." He suggested, a blush rose on my chest as my heart elevated in pace. Pondering and visualising what would happen if I did finally stop caring and let it all out. 

As Cora dazed and dreamed, amidst an image of her smiling and walking the school grounds without her heavy heart and lies, she stumbled across an issue. She was told not to say a thing. Word would get out, police may even be informed to interrogate, public scrutiny, her mother may lose her job. The list went on. 

But most of all, she could not tell. She was f*******n. 

She explained her worries to Dean who watched her intently, calculating and rationalising the possible affects her actions could have. 

"So how many people know ?" He pondered. Ironically his question was easy to answer as the number was small. 

"My close family, my parents' close friends and you." I listed instantly.

He squinted his eyes at me then relaxed them, slouching back in his chair. He processed my answer as one would a Pythagoras question: with a slow pace and an expression signifying deep thought. His moment of silence made our surroundings more peaceful and tranquil, the lights were dim and we were surrounded by millions of pages on literature, life, love. We were quite literally discussing important matters in the presence of books that were once an entire persons life and treasured reality. It felt natural. 

"Be honest with me Cora, do you actually see yourself being friends with them your whole life? Ivan even presented his own distaste towards my lifestyle and I don't suppose it hurt you considering yours is similar, did it? You see, your friends like your artificial self and that's no way to live. I say its better to be alone than feel alone in company." He presented with such a manner that he could have sold me a single pencil for a large price or told me to eat dirt and I would with great joy. His voice was assertive yet trickled like rich honey as he spoke eloquently and well. 

"It did Dean. It hurt a lot and to answer your question no, I don't see them being my friends past high school. Is that what you wanted to hear? That 'little miss perfect' is not so perfect ?" I huffed: he had hit a nerve as well as being annoyingly accurate. 

"f**k them Cora." He spat. 

My eyes widened at his fury and foul language. 

"f**k. Them. All. If you distance yourself and leave them, you won't have to worry about this." He stated. 

"I can't be alone Dean, i'll have no one and I just can't live such an isolated life." I expressed with sadness, my voice quieter. 

"Suit yourself." He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Don't you get lonely ?" I pressed and he instantly began to chuckle.

"I'm in the presence of my favourite company, myself. But I also have a couple guys who i'm okay with so its not like i'm a loner twenty four seven." He explained and I recalled his friends that sat with him the other day. I wondered if I had the courage to be alone. 

"Just think about it Cora, you're not like them so don't force it." He sighed, slinging his bag on his shoulder and standing. 

"Where are going ?" I asked, rather annoyed at his random decision to leave. 

"The bell rang a minute ago, didn't you hear it ?" He asked with scrunched brows, staring down at me. 

Our conversation had apparently been occupying my mind to the extent in which my other senses, such as hearing, were halted. The bell had in fact rang.