The Accessibility Trap

Chapter1

Chapter 1

It was a bright Saturday afternoon, the typical and most suiting atmosphere for the Nigerian

occasion, the families are arriving for the occasion it's Elias cousin's wedding a close cousin at

that Elias feeling happy and in the occasion arrives with his two friends Knox and Solomon all

suits up Elias stand out the most with his black loafers shoe all polished up to the extent that

one could see reflections it has a sleek look which hold elias foot well,after arriving,Elias sat and

so his friends taking it all in enjoying the occasion, listening to the dj beautiful blend of songs

which perfectly matched the occasion putting them in a celebration mood, the sounds of clinking

of glass echoed all around as people sips their drinks in a happy and joyful mood , you could

hear the clinking of cutlery on plates as people were munching on their plates of peppered jollof

rice.

Elias went over ahead to request for plates of peppered jollof rice for him and his two friends

so they could eat , as he brought it over looking all nice and garnished up they all munch on

their foods enjoying the little display of dance between the couples. After some spoons of jollof

rice Knox said to the boys we could meet beautiful girls which sends shivers down Elias spines

reminding him of his love life which was nothing to write home about all his life he has been the

nice guy who has been there for the other gender but they have not been there for him they see

him as an over available guy who they could just have around and not be in a relationship with,

been hard for Elias growing up but he decided to just take a break from prioritizing a relationship

and just go with flow wherever life takes him being exhausted of giving love deep down he was

beginning to fade the thought of love not until a radiant, stylish, sharp featured lady stepped out

of a car arriving in the occasion with her parents, Solomon was the first to notice,he asked who

is this fine looking lady until then Elias and Knox looked Elias quickly knew it was maya his mind

took him back to the University days reminding himself of a version of himself who was once

uninterested to notice the girl who had spent three years revolving around his world. Back then

maya Thorne who introduced herself as a family friend,they attended different universities, he’d

left often left her messages on read for days. He remembered how uninterested he was in her

back then,his conscience made him felt guilty as his current love life falls apart he felt maybe if

he had listened to her well then they could have been together.

Then here she is again almost feeling like destiny is shaping itself up again she went to get a

seat all alone looking all stylish in a silver coloured gown , her earrings was dangling as she was

walking all majestic with her high heels . He didn't see maya immediately, but he felt the shift in

the atmosphere. His friends were also admiring, elias told his friends to back down he told them

maya is his. When he finally locked eyes with her, the noise of the party, the clinking of

glasses,the DJ's enticing mix , the sounds of the clattering of spoons all faded.she wasn't the girl

from University anymore.The girl who had once admired and fell for him was gone, he saw a

new girl in her, a much more beautiful and matured girl .

She took her seat a little bit away from Elias and his friends seat , Elias couldn't help himself but

steal glances later on, as the event went on , time passed by,he summoned courage and stood

up to meet her with as he saw her, he started believing in the idea of fate and second chances

began to develop in his head.

“Maya”

, he said in a thick voice creating the impression of a grown voice.

”it’s been long”

.Maya responded in a soft voice “been long indeed”

. Elias asked if maya had eaten, she

answered “not really” he quickly dashed off to bring food for her in an impression to make her

feel satisfied and pleased.

As the event grew on them,maya was done eating , Elias summoned the courage to ask maya

if they could take a walk, maya responded “no problem”

.

They spent the next hour on a walk,Elias started the talk ,teased maya by saying” you look

beautiful and all grown I hope your man is enjoying now” maya chuckled and responded “thank

you but I don't have any man at the moment “ Elias feeling surprised and a little bit happy with

the response feeling he still had a chance not ready for what maya also had in mind to say not

until maya with a shocking level of transparency told elias that coming across his face after a

long time brought the feeling she thought she was over ,she told elias “ I still remember how

handsome you look ,you haven't changed with your thick voice nothing has changed about you”

Elias felt flattered and also surprised at the same time,he didn't expect that maya would still

have those feelings for her anymore, it felt like a come back for Elias, he thought about his love

being nothing to write home about , and since he had someone who still felt something for

him,he felt maybe something could work out for him this time around for him, he was happy and

finally the event was over Elias with a grin on his face feeling positive from the event was like an

opportunity for him felt like another opportunity to make up for things to him. He was finally

ready to give her the attention he had once denied her.

After the event days passed by Elias got attached to maya, they always talked on the phone all

day, voice calls all the nights, maya would get angry whenever Elias is not with his phone ,Elias

took it in as maya wanted him to be with her all the time,the attention levels all raised up as

days passed up Elias fell in love then came along a family dinner.

The table was full of expectations.because their families were close, Elias and maya were both

present, as always texting each other on the phone,maya asked if elias had eaten, elias wasn't

feeling the event he responded he has not eaten that he wants to leave saying he would go eat

at home but maya didn't agree to that he told elias to come over and said let's eat together on

the same plate she whispered “let's share” with a teasing look in her eyes.

“Like we used to

pretend we would”

.

Sharing a plate was a level of intimacy which Elias couldn't stop thinking about which speaks

louder than a confession.

As maya was munching on the rice while elias was munching on the meat. Elias could feel the

eyes of the entire family on them. His cousin even called him aside and asked him if they were

dating, elias didn't know what to answe with because they weren't officially in a relationship

yet,he lied to his cousin and said yes. his cousin was happy and already pointing phone

cameras at them. Maya didn't pull away. She leaned her shoulder against his, her warmth

radiating through his jackets. She was public, she was present, and she was his.

Elias feeling like she was his, said to maya “everyone thinks we're dating, jokingly with his heart

racing.

Maya gave a laugh and responded.

“ Let them think it. It's technically a feeling for them to think

so, isn't it? She asked ,he didn't respond.

He went home home that night feeling good. The noise in his head that usually told him to be

cautious was silent. He felt like he had finally stepped into a story that made sense. He broughtout his phone,his touch all over the phone screen. He wanted to make the night feel good , to

tell her how much that “same plate”meant to him.

“Today was amazing”

, he typed.

“ I haven't felt that good in a long time.i’m glad we're finally this

way.

” he sent the message with excitement gazing at his screen for a response. He waited.

Three minutes passed. The “ typing..

” bubble appeared. He could feel his heart racing. Then it

disappeared. Five minutes passed into ten minutes, no response.

When the notification finally chimed,he instantly opened the chat. Maya response went thus:”it's

normal for them to feel that way.You’re the one that knows what you're seeing.

Elias stared at the phone screen. The sentence was cold, heart breaking and so blunt, a

statement the girl who had leaned her head on his shoulder two hours ago. He felt a sharp chill.

He typed back, trying to keep the transparency alive.

Elias responded “I'm not talking about ‘them’

,maya. I'm talking about us. I don't want you to hide

your feelings from me.

”

The response came almost instantly this time, like she had been waiting to strike.

Then maya responded and said “you want to use my feelings to judge yours. I’m going through

a phase. If you have other options, you can explore them. I don't want to be the reason you give

up on love.

Those words were confusing.she was telling him he was judging her for wanting the truth.she

was giving him “freedom” to see others so that if things failed, she could say it was his

choice.The “ deadly trap” was snapping shut. She was making him feel selfish for asking for the

very thing she had promised him with her eyes over dinner.

The next few weeks were a blur of digital warfare. Elias tried to fix it with effort. He surprised her

at work with her favorite lunch; she barely looked up from her phone, she barely return his

messages,the calls they always had all night suddenly there was no more, she would say she is

tired that she can't have a conversation on the phone. There was still no changes yet so elias

thought of gifting her accessories,he surprised her with the accessories but still nothing yet her

response to the gift was just thanks and she would never wear them to show or even to show

him, she just gave him a dry thanks.

Everytime he pushed for a real conversation, she would flip it on him and make him feel like he

was the one at fault and he never had patience.

“Must you know everything?” She would text when he asked why she disappeared for two

days.

“I like you, but not like that anymore,

”maya said this after elias tried to still ask for her intentions

with him because weeks passed by elias was heartbroken,he always felt this sharp pain in him ,

he felt confused he didn't know where he stood in her life days passed by he wasn't happy,

several things changed in his life , he wasn't the happy person he was anymore ,after this he

still tried to spice up things by taking her on a cinema date , during the date,elias observed there

was no sign of attraction, she wouldn't move close to her as they watched the movie,theywouldn't even take pictures together. So after the movies he asked her if she was open to

rekindling things but her response was “I like you,but not like that anymore,

”

.

The noise in elias’s head returned,louder than ever. He was a placeholder. He was a secret she

kept in her pocket to pull out when she was bored, only to shove back in the dark when he

asked to be seen in the light. Whenever he asked for clarity, she wouldn't provide that, instead

she makes it more complicating and toxic.

But still,elias never gave up he kept creating perfect versions of maya in his head convinced

that maya can't do this to him, he kept thinking of different reasons as to why maya is this way

to him, he thought to himself,

“did she find another guy better than me”

“has she lost interest in

,

me.

” “Is another guy doing better than me”

. He got stuck up in all these loop of thinking which

still kept him confused and unhappy, in all of these maya kept on living her life pretending like

nothing is going on ,Elias noticed Maya's social activities has increased, maya has been posting

more of her videos and pictures on her socials and several guys comment on her page ,elias

noticed a particular guy named James always comment on all of Maya's post ,he predicted they

must have been talking or he must have texted her but elias couldn't question maya about it

because she wouldn't give him a definite answer anyways so he let it slide.

On a quiet windy afternoon,Elias in his room,laid on his bed with no sleeves on,staring at the

ceiling thinking to himself still stuck in Maya's world believing he could still do something to

spice up their relationship maybe if she felt it she could change so he thought of going on a date

with her to a restaurant where they could eat good food and talk. after thinking of the idea ,elias

all feeling excited and eager to share it with maya thinking it could solve all the problem, he

quickly picked up his phone sliding to her inbox hurriedly saying “hey maya , how are you , I

want us to go on a date to red flame restaurant, let's go eat nice food and we can talk while we

are it”

. Maya at her usual self didn't respond on time ,later on maya responded,she said no

problem,elias asked if Friday was good ,maya said it is they both had an agreement to go on

Friday afternoon after maya is done with work.

Friday came, it was 2 in the afternoon,elias all dripped up, with a clean, well-fitted shirt nothing

loud,the sleeves are slightly rolled, not too high giving a put together look,fresh and clean air

Jordan sneakers,elias was ready to be out there clinging on to the excitement and hope the idea

brings and the fact that he gets to see maya’s beautiful face again. elias ready to go texted

maya saying”I'm ready hope you are too” but there was no instant response, elias said to

himself maybe she just back from work and she wants to take a shower and she's currently

dressing up minutes kept growing no response,Elias started getting restless,he couldn't take

endure staying long in sneakers without moving.

Minutes passed on to hours there was nothing, elias disappointed started getting ideas in his

head,

” has she gone to another man’s house” as elias kept calling it keeps going into voicemail,

elias frustrated couldn't help the feeling, angry and disappointed,he kept giving excuses for her

in his head,

”did she sleep off?”

”or is she still at work”

,

,

” her phone battery went down?”

.He

finally took off his cloth ,the night sets in knowing they could not have any date at night they both

still live with their parents no way they would accept them going out at nights.

The night came in, still no message from maya as to why or what happened that she couldn't

make it.elias caught in between different shades of feeling didn't know maybe he should feel

angry or not angr maybe something happened as to why she could not come or he should feelangry because she might have done it on purpose due to her lack of interest. As elias was

about to go to bed maya texted late in the night, elias rushed to her message,glancing at the

screen, maya texted:” sorry we were held at work so we closed late” that's all maya said, a

disappointed elias gave a disappointed look to the message, he tried not to get angry but he felt

pained, maya said” let reschedule to Sunday” elias responded “ it can’t work my parents are

gonna be at home all day I can't tell them I'm going out on a Sunday.

” Elias said sadly,sadly

enough they couldn't think of an hangout anymore , elias felt sad , he felt maya was being

selfish and maya never gave effort to rekindle things the way he does , he felt maya cancelled

out the date on purpose due to the low interest he thinks she has for him but elias never

addressed it to maya ,instead he kept it all to himself ,he kept fighting his feelings, alot of

thoughts kept creeping into his head “is this way because she's going through something she

doesn't wanna talk about”

, did she meet a new exciting guy than me “ all of a sudden elias

remembered a conversation maya had with him about her ex.

Maya had an ex , dan a man in his late 20s ,maya told elias then that dan has been disturbing

her for them to start dating back again but maya told elias she never agreed that dan even went

as far as reaching out to Maya's brother and her friends, her friends would tell her to accept him

because he is giving them money. Elias remembered this conversation and kept Wondering

maybe maya is already back with her ex which might solve the problem as to why she has been

giving Elias mixed signals but elias wasn't sure yet, he kept feeling confused at stayed up at

night thinking to himself, sleep disrupted. He thought to himself what is there to do again,

” why

is maya acting this way”

. It's like she just moved from being a lively person to a sad person at

once , Elias still kept the delusion that it was just a phase that needs being patient and it shall

pass not knowing the truth is far from that. He kept convincing himself from the fact that he was

just used to pass time and he was nothing else than that, he couldn't bear and think about the

fact that he is rejected, he never felt okay with the fact that you can literally do everything for

people and they still won't feel a thing for you and that's okay. Elias still felt like he was on his

own and this kind of love still came to him, feeling rejected , he felt like he never really did

anything to deserve what he is receiving as he sat at the balcony of the house as the sound of

the wind echoes, nobody was home, the birds were loud, the type of quiet environment he loved

using to reflect, he was just finding his feet financially, he thought isn't this charade just a waste

of time, waste of money for someone who's just trying to make up something for his years of

hardwork,he felt like if he had put his time and effort and money in to something else like a

business it would have yielded.

After all the wasted efforts, surprises , conversations which didn't result to anything,elias already

having the feeling of being pushed to the brim decided to have the conversation a one last time

with maya.

On a Thursday night, Elias back from work, ate having a relaxing night still haunted by his

situationship decided to text to maya and seek clarity, elias picked up his phone,turned on his

internet connection as he turned off his cellular data because he didn't want calls or messages

from any other person. Elias texted maya skipping the formalities,elias asked if he could come

over to see maya the next day, as he would have it maya accepted, as usual maya being all

cold when elias asked if he could come over,she told him he could but they won't be able to talk

for too long, Elias agreed with it. The next day came ,a brand new day, the sun shine

representing a new day for elias to seek clarity,Elias set out to Maya's workplace all dressed in asimple fit but yet still stood out with the impression of a perfect gentleman, upon arriving he

notified her via the phone that he is around, maya responded and said he should give her few

minutes she will be downstairs soon,elias accepting sat downstairs, enough space to sit, as the

hall-way was quiet,he reflected on what has happened up until the moment, everything that has

happened, still holding up to the concept of talking things out, he felt like even if she doesn't

want him anymore she should say it not keep quiet,he seeked clarity like a man seeking a

trophy for a solid performance, for moment he had a breath in and out and thought to himself

how to bring up what to talk about,how to put it up in a way in which the scenario won't be

flipped against him,some minutes later , sounds of footstep was approaching, elias could see

her coming, emotions were high for a moment he felt like as if his heart could drop out of his

body, he was really praying for the ground to swallow him up at that moment,maya reached

where he sat she also took a seat beside him not too far from him but a little bit of distance, he

could smell her fragrance blocking his thoughts from processing , there were physical reasons

for her to be his but it's just not working out between them.

Elias started the conversation by asking how her work is going, maya responded “it's going on

well”

, Elias decided to cut the chase and go straight to the point “ I want to ask a question” elias

said,

”carry on” maya responded.

“What do we have going on?”elias asked,

”what are we doing?” Maya responded”I don't

understand “ with a confusing look on her face, emotions were getting high,elias expantiated

“what's the purpose of the daily text?”

,

” where are we going to”?,

” what are your intentions

towards us?” elias let out as he couldn't take it anymore adjusting his seat trying his best to be

calm.Maya responded “ I mean aren't we friends or I don't understand the daily text, I mean you

aren't interested in me so I don't see any more green light in anything” maya said, elias with a

confused and surprised look on his face replied and said “how did you know I am not interested

in you?” Maya gave an answer she said Elias said it,Elias denied and asked when and where

did he say it ,Elias feeling like the story being flipped on him, maya said” for real you ain't plain

so what do you want me to do”

Elias asked“ you want to know how I feel which would determine if you should put effort right?”

maya said she's not forcing anything she responded with”yes because I'm not pushing for

anything, I'm just here for vibes”

.Elias continued” I thought they use to say when you have

feelings for one you have to actually make them recognize it or prove to them especially when

they were hurt by your actions before”

. Maya responded with “yeah but do you show

anything?”all of a sudden, maya feeling tired from all the conversation flipped saying “why are

you making it seem like I'm drifting away or something”

, she asked elias “ do you actually want

more than this?, because I know you won't be asking this questions anyhow “

, Elias

responded”yes” Elias continued” if I intended to be friends you won't have my attention most of

the time”

.elias then went ahead and said “ so now that you know , what do you intend to use the

information for?”

. Maya gave a manipulative answer “ nothing actually but for real when I

messaged you I thought it could work out between us but you wear being nonchalant

whatsoever and I felt maybe okay we can be friends for real but with this now I'm not gonna lie if

it is it's gonna be it, that's all I can say” maya finished, Elias attacked her” what would you have

me do, show you my heart?, the last time I did what did it get me?”maya responded” did I break

your heart or what we just had a break or something like that” those were maya words. Elias

responded” it must have looked that way to you, you know how it feels when you’ve been alonefor years and you meet who you think might actually love you for who you are and you get

attached to them only for them to change drastically towards you, and still no communication to

make you understand why they are doing this way, it ain't easy” maya said “ oh it hurts right?”

Elias responded” I'm a human I feel pain too, of course it hurts” maya just gave a deep and long

answer “okay oo”’ lastly Elias dropped the bomb, he asked” put yourself in. My position and ask

yourself if you wouldn't feel the same too talking about emotions.elias went thus” I show my

emotions and the only thing about it to show is the fact that I am a happy person, I just want to

be happy that's all”

. Maya asked feeling tired from the conversation said “ I mean you are

happy now , you won't want no distraction”

. Elias also feeling negative from the conversation

talked his and said” yeah of course and you wouldn't want to be one and that’s why I am asking

you which brought out this discussion of what are your intentions with us “ Elias asked one more

time ready to move on, maya responded “ for now I have absolutely nothing”

,Elias took in the

answer, accepted his fate gave a struggling response “ I wasn't expecting this but I take that as

an answer”

. Elias stood on his seat told maya he’s ready to go home, they finished the

conversation on that note.

Elias on his way home thought about the conversation they had, now obviously beginning to

accept the reality that maya does not have any single feelings for him, it was those type of days

where he wished he had someone to speak to about what he is dealing with currently, after elias

got home, he made a decision to try not to engage with maya and see how it goes, several

weeks went by ,texts went dry, no check ups , no questions about how you were offline, Elias

finding a new rythm but still cared about maya , he thought up a perfect version of her on his

head,he never really convinced himself to see reality in her as what it is, as a result of mixed

feelings Elias decided to drop a one last message “ Good morning maya, how was your night, I

don't mean to start your morning with this but it's needed and has to be discussed to be clear ,

you know ever since the last time we had that conversation,series of thoughts have been

coming to my mind,I've been thinking about everything,and I just want to be real with you,not to

pressure you,but to be honest about where I stand.

” Elias continued” I care about you, and I

wouldn't even be having this conversation if I didn't,but I’ve also been through uncertainty with

you before,and that wasn't easy. So while I understand your fears and your need to go slow, I

also need to be clear with myself about what I'm looking for”

.

“He continued ,I'm open to building something real with you,not rushed,but intentional. I'm not in

a place where “ just vibing without direction feels right to me especially when real feelings are

involved”

. That kind of gray area just ends up hurting both people in the long run.

”

“ So if you're not ready or not sure,I completely respect that.But I'd rather know where things

truly stand than keep things floating in a way that leaves me guessing.

”

“Whatever your answer is, no hard feelings.i just want us to be honest with each other and not

repeat what we've already been through.

”Elias feeling satisfied all of a sudden of how things

went he then ended the conversation by saying “thank you.

”

Minutes after ,maya responded “Good morning to you too, what do you want me to say when

you say you should know your place or something” then maya said responded and said “ well

I've said before my feelings for you isn't like that anymore so that's why I was thinking we can

just vibe or something as at now she said” I guess we shouldn't be thinking of some relationship

by the way maya said you should get my point,