A Christmas to Remember

10: Em

I had made it a principle not to let anyone pay my way since I moved out, since I decided to go to college. Since then, I hadn’t taken money from anyone. Sure, you could argue that I’d taken money from men, given the job I had, but was I really? It was a legitimate job, a job I got from working hard and becoming the best at what I did.

Being a companion wasn’t really that different from working any other customer service job. It was about serving the client—or customer, if you preferred—and giving them the best experience I could. It was about going above and beyond to make sure I did everything right. Doing that job was about putting my entire personal life on hold, pressing pause on it, and committing completely to that particular role. So, really, I thought I deserved the money. I earned that money.

Doing what my father had wanted and just finding myself a fiancé, though—that would have been different. That would have meant going from being ‘paid’ by my father to being ‘paid’ by my fiancé. It would mean trading a credit card with the name Jeffrey Slater for one with a different man’s name on it. I didn’t want that; I didn’t need that.

Robert had respected that boundary, and I was pretty sure Jack would too, but I didn’t quite feel ready to put my entire background in the spotlight—to tell him about my upbringing or explain why I’d chosen to pursue a career with Disclosure. It just wasn’t the right time yet, or at least, I didn’t feel it was.

I would take the check, I would cash it—because I had a feeling he would check on it—but I wasn’t going to use it on a dress. I had plenty left over from my last job with Robert; it had been enough to keep me afloat for a long time. Instead, I’d save it and use it for something else, something that wasn’t for me. Maybe I’d spend it on Christmas presents for his family? That way, I could give the money back without it being too obvious.

From the way Jack lit up when talking about his sisters and his niece and nephew, I knew they were important to him, so it was immediately a high priority for me to bond with them. Sure, I had some doubts about how they’d react to me. I’d just shown up out of nowhere, and suddenly, I was supposed to be madly in love with their brother and actually make an effort to reassure them, show them that Jack could settle down if he wanted to.

But I had to find that middle ground. I had to make sure they’d like me because that was important to Jack, but they couldn’t like me too much. This was always supposed to end at some point, and while I didn’t mind being someone they’d reminisce about, I didn’t want to be someone who left a big gap in their lives.

I knew Jack didn’t want a love match, and I wouldn’t force it upon him. But I would still show him that life with a partner, with someone to count on, could be a very nice life. Everyone deserved happiness, in whatever way they wanted it. It shouldn’t be a bargaining chip, and it shouldn’t be something that could be held over their heads. It should be pure; it should be all-consuming, and it should be everything they ever wanted. By showing Jack what a true connection could be like, even if just as friends, I could show him that happiness was reachable if he just dared to reach for it.

“This is me,” I interrupted our silence, pointing up at the building I lived in. It was a nice building, close to Central Park and close to Columbia—it was everything I needed it to be.

It was an older building that still fit nicely with the decor of the other buildings in the area. Made of red brick, with black-lined window sills and a dark gray front door, it seemed welcoming and not at all as intimidating as I thought it would be. When I first moved in—after my job with Robert, and I had the means to move out of my dorm—I’d worried I wouldn’t fit in. But I did.

“Nice building,” Jack remarked, looking up at it and taking in the Christmas decorations that had begun to fill the windows of my neighbors. “A little expensive for a college student, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but grin at that; of course he would think that. Jack didn’t know I’d done this before—that I’d been a companion to another man and that had paid my tuition at Columbia and secured me a safe and nice studio apartment in this building.

“I live at the very top,” I said, pointing up. “It’s only studios up there, which makes it a lot cheaper than a regular apartment,” I explained, hoping I didn’t already have to breach the topic of I have done this before.

“That makes sense,” he nodded, as if he actually believed my explanation. I guessed a man like Jack had probably never had to worry about money in his entire life. I hadn’t, either, for the first eighteen years of my life. Then I had six months of living off ramen noodles and wearing secondhand clothes before I found my way into Disclosure. I didn’t live extravagantly now, but I did eat regular food and was a regular at the café, even though it would be cheaper to make the hot chocolate at home.

“So,” I smiled as we made eye contact again. His amber-colored eyes looked into mine, as if he were trying to draw out more conversation from me, as if he didn’t really want me to go inside. However, he was the one who had decided living together wouldn’t be an option. “I guess the next course of action would be to exchange numbers.”

As if it had only just dawned on him that we hadn’t done that yet, he let out a small laugh. “Right, yeah, we haven’t done that yet.”

“Hand me your phone,” I smiled, holding out my hand, which I’d just ungloved. “I’ll punch in my number, send myself a text, and then it’s done.” He did as I asked, pulling out the latest iPhone and handing it to me. “You’re an Apple kind of guy?” I asked as I opened the contacts app.

“I guess you could say so,” he shrugged. “It’s easy with how every device just connects.”

I nodded, loving the way my MacBook and phone connect through the calendar, photos, audiobooks, and so much more. “I feel the same,” I murmured as I typed my full name into his phone—or most of it: Emmeline Slater. I sent myself a text, feeling my own phone vibrate in my purse, before handing his phone back to him. “There you go.”

He looked down at the screen, brows furrowed. “Shouldn’t you be named something else? I mean, would it be plausible that I’d have my girlfriend’s legal name in my phone?”

I couldn’t help but giggle. “Sure, Jack, call me whatever you want,” I shrugged, still with a teasing smile on my lips. “I just didn’t want to force a name on you.”

He looked back up at me, his amber eyes almost pleading for some help. “I haven’t done this in so long,” he tried to brush it off with a small chuckle. “Is babe still a thing?”

My giggle turned into full-blown laughter. I could just imagine Jack in high school, probably the captain of the football team or something, calling the most popular girl "babe" while flashing her that charming grin. My laughter seemed like a gift to him; his whole face lit up with a huge smile, revealing perfectly white and straight teeth.

“Jesus Christ, Jack, don’t say stuff like that,” I laughed out, “Could you try any harder to sound like a boomer?”

“A what?” His head tilted as if I’d just used a word he’d never heard before.

I shook my head, my laughter fading as I tried not to embarrass him too much. “Never mind.” My hand came up to rest on his bicep, and I could actually feel the bulge through his coat. “Just act your age, okay? Don’t sound like a grandpa, please,” I begged, both of us grinning widely at each other.

“Ah,” he said, as if he finally understood. “So, I’m guessing babe is out of the question?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that term of endearment, Jack; it was just the words surrounding that term that made it funny,” I smiled, trying to reassure him. I took my hand down, wrapping both my arms around myself, trying to keep warm in the last chilly days of November. “Call me whatever you want, as long as it’s not degrading. I’m good with that.”

His expression turned serious, the smile vanishing from his face. “I would never do that.”

“Okay,” I shrugged, trying to keep my own smile up. “Just don’t force it; let it come to you.”

He nodded, a small smile, trying to break free again. “Don’t force it. Got it,” he said, as if I’d given him an order and not just a suggestion.

A silence fell between us, as if neither of us quite knew what to say next. With this new arrangement between us, the silence felt almost suffocating, as if the unspoken words held more weight than anything we could actually say. I knew Jack was withholding some information from me too—Rome wasn’t built in a day—and as we spent more time together, the awkwardness would dissipate, and we’d get more comfortable.

“So, I’ll pick you up on Friday. Does six work for you?” he asked, putting his hands into his coat pockets.

“Six is fine,” I smiled. It would give me enough time to get home from classes, shower, and make myself pretty enough for this event he was taking me to. “I’ll be ready, all prim and proper,” I teased.

“I’m not going to live that down, am I?” he joked, a teasing smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He was certainly a handsome man when he did that.

“I’m afraid not, Jack,” I grinned, rummaging through my purse for my keys. “But that’s okay, we can’t all be perfect, can we?” I winked, trying to create a bit of flirtation between us, setting the tone for Friday.

“Oh, so you’re telling me you’re perfect?” he laughed behind me as I turned toward my front door.

“Of course I am, Jack. What did you expect?”

He laughed, shaking his head as I unlocked the door. I turned around, pressing my back against the heavy door, taking him in one last time. “I’ll see you Friday,” I smiled.

“At six,” he confirmed once more.

“Nice meeting you,” I said, trying to be polite.

“Thanks for saving me,” he smiled back.

I felt warmth spread across my cheeks at his words, as if I could really do anything to save this incredible man standing in front of me. “Good night, Jack.”

“Good night, Em.”

I turned around and let the door close behind me, unable to stop smiling.