The Christmas Kiss

8.

Chapter 8: Unspoken Truths

The kiss came quickly, too quickly, almost as though Rowan had decided for the both of us. His lips pressed against mine softly, like he was testing the waters, waiting for my reaction. The moment his lips touched mine, I froze, every part of me rigid with confusion. His hand on my waist was warm, grounding, but the rest of me felt distant, like I was observing it all from somewhere outside my body.

The world around me seemed to blur into the background, the only thing real being the heat of his kiss, the warmth of his breath against my lips.

But it wasn’t right.

It wasn’t that I didn’t feel the attraction; I did. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to feel something for him, but it just didn’t feel like it should have. The kiss wasn’t as smooth as it should have been. It was rushed, as if he were forcing it, and that made something in me pull back.

Rowan seemed to sense my hesitation almost immediately. He pulled away, his expression unreadable, but his hand stayed on my waist for just a fraction longer than needed, like he was trying to hold onto the moment that had slipped away.

“Vesper,” he said softly, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t mean to rush things.”

I shook my head, trying to clear the fog in my mind. “No, it’s not that,” I managed, my voice barely a whisper. I was still trying to process everything.

The room around us had grown quieter, and I could feel eyes on us—on me—especially from Orion and Roman. The tension was palpable, the silence almost suffocating.

Orion cleared his throat from behind me, a sound that broke the tension but also made my stomach twist with anxiety. I turned toward him slowly, meeting his gaze, and saw something in his eyes that I couldn’t quite place. He wasn’t angry, not exactly, but there was something behind his calm expression—something that felt heavier than it should have been.

“Everything okay, Vesper?” Orion’s voice was low, almost too calm.

I nodded, though it was a lie. “Yeah. I just… wasn’t expecting that.” I turned back to Rowan, whose expression had shifted to something softer, almost apologetic.

“I should’ve asked,” Rowan said, his tone regretful. “I just… I couldn’t help myself.” He took a step back, though his eyes still held mine with that same intense gaze. “It’s the mistletoe, right? It’s tradition. I didn’t want to make you feel pressured.”

I could feel the heat creeping up my neck, an uncomfortable flush spreading across my skin. I forced myself to take a breath.

“No, it’s okay,” I said quickly, my hands tightening around my glass. “I just wasn’t expecting things to move so fast.”

Rowan didn’t look entirely convinced. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, as if weighing my words before letting them sink in. But then, his lips curled into a faint smile.

“I’ll take it slow,” he promised, though there was a hint of something playful behind his words.

I appreciated the gesture, but it didn’t ease the tight knot in my chest. Not completely. Something had shifted between us, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I wanted to figure it out, but part of me was afraid to.

I turned toward Orion again, who was standing a little farther away now, leaning against the bar. He didn’t speak, but I could see the lines of tension in his jaw, the way he watched us. It was subtle, but I could tell he was holding back something.

The silence between us felt almost unbearable. I wanted to say something, anything to break it, but my thoughts were still too jumbled.

“Are you alright?” Roman’s voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I turned to see him standing a few feet away, his eyes wide with concern.

“I’m fine,” I replied, my tone firmer than I felt. “Just… a little caught off guard.”

Roman’s lips quirked into a smirk. “That’s an understatement.”

I half-laughed, half-sighed, trying to shake off the weird, unsettled feeling in my chest. I glanced at Orion once more, and this time, his gaze met mine—steady, unblinking. It felt like we were having a conversation without words, but I couldn’t decipher what he was trying to say.

Rowan must have noticed the exchange, because he stepped closer to me, leaning in just slightly. His voice was low, only for me to hear.

“I can see why you like him,” he murmured, his eyes flicking toward Orion, who was still watching us intently.

I blinked, startled by the comment. “What?”

Rowan’s grin deepened, and he shrugged. “You’re not exactly subtle, Vesper. The way you look at him… it’s like you’re already a part of his world. I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could find the words, Orion’s voice cut through the tension.

“We’re not doing this here,” he said, his tone clipped and sharp. “Not tonight.”

The way his voice sounded—controlled, but with an edge—made my stomach twist again. I felt exposed, caught between them, as if the two of them were playing some game with me, and I was nothing but a pawn.

I turned away, feeling the weight of their stares on my back. I needed space, needed air, needed to get out of the suffocating silence that was beginning to settle around us.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” I said suddenly, my voice a little too loud, even for my own liking.

Rowan looked like he was about to protest, but I didn’t give him the chance. I turned and walked toward the back door, pushing through the crowd and stepping out into the cool night air.

The night was quiet, the soft hum of the party still faintly audible behind me. I leaned against the railing, closing my eyes and letting the cold air hit my skin. The silence of the backyard felt peaceful in comparison to the chaos inside.

But even as I tried to calm my racing heart, my mind couldn’t help but replay the events of the night—the kiss, Rowan’s words, Orion’s silence. Everything felt so complicated, and I didn’t know how to make sense of it.

A few moments later, I heard footsteps approaching, slow and deliberate. My pulse quickened, but I didn’t turn around. I didn’t have to guess who it was.

“Vesper,” Orion’s voice was soft, cautious, as if he didn’t want to scare me off. He came to a stop beside me, his presence familiar, comforting in its own way.

I didn’t look at him, but I felt his gaze on me, steady and unwavering. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he said after a pause. “With the whole mistletoe thing.”

I sighed, my breath escaping in a puff of air. “It’s not just that, Orion,” I said quietly. “It’s everything. It’s… it’s confusing.”

He took a step closer, but I didn’t turn to face him. I couldn’t. Not yet. “I get it,” he said softly. “It’s confusing for me, too.”

I glanced up at him then, meeting his eyes. “Is it, though? You seem so… sure of everything.”

His lips twisted into a wry smile. “You think that’s the case? Trust me, Vesper, I’m as lost as you are.”

I blinked, taken aback by his admission. “You are?”

Orion nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know what I want, not yet. But I know I don’t want to lose you. Not when everything is… shifting like this.”

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, I was paralyzed by the weight of them. I didn’t know what to say, how to respond. My heart was beating too fast, and my mind was a swirl of conflicting emotions.

But Orion didn’t wait for me to speak. He stepped closer, his hand resting lightly on my arm, a silent gesture of reassurance.

“I don’t know what this is, Vesper,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I want to figure it out with you. If you’ll let me.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight with unspoken feelings. I wanted to say something, to tell him how I felt, but the words wouldn’t come. So, I did the only thing that felt natural.

I reached up and touched his hand, gently, the warmth of his skin grounding me in the moment.

“Let’s figure it out,” I said softly, my voice trembling.