Only After I Lost Her

Chapter 3 Other Women's Names

At her response, Xavier's gaze turned arctic cold, and every trace of warmth vanished from his demeanor as he treated her as nothing more than a means to an end, a way to ride out the effects of the drug.

The map of bruises covering Nina's body stood as raw evidence of his brutality throughout the night.

When morning came, he was already dressed, fastening his cuffs with mechanical precision as if the previous night had meant absolutely nothing to him.

"If Kelsey finds out about last night," he said coldly, "I will make sure you experience what it feels like to be passed around like a drink at a club. "

Nina's grip on the sheets tightened until her knuckles went white. She had almost forgotten about Kelsey Carter, the woman he now cherished while she herself lay discarded like yesterday's news.

She had no luxury to grieve, though. One night together might not be enough for her to conceive.

"I can keep quiet," she countered, lifting her chin with defiance she did not feel. "Give me one more week. That is my price."

"Over my dead body."

His face contorted with revulsion, as if she had just extinguished any remaining spark of desire he might have harbored for her.

She had been ready for his refusal, though. She thrust her phone screen in his face, displaying intimate photos she had secretly captured during the night. "Refuse me, and these go straight to Kelsey."

"Nina," he hissed through clenched teeth, "you are pathetic."

Hatred burned in his eyes, but he could not walk away. He shrugged off his half-buttoned shirt and crowded her space, his presence overwhelming. "Since you are so desperate for this, fine."

What came next was a storm that left Nina feeling like a leaf tossed around in a hurricane. And when he groaned against her skin, the name he moaned shattered whatever was left of her heart.

"Kelsey. Kelsey."

"Kelsey, hold me closer."

Nina's body went rigid beneath him, every trace of warmth inside her extinguished by his feverish whispers. He was completely sober now, yet here he was clutching her while murmuring another woman's name. He had reached the point where he had to pretend she was Kelsey just to feel any desire at all.

Shame, fury, and revulsion twisted together inside her chest, but she could not bring herself to push him away. Back when his whispered promises had been real, it was her name he had breathed into the darkness. Those tender moments had belonged to her and her alone.

How many times had he whispered into her ear back then? "Nina, I will never touch another woman as long as I live."

"Nina, let's have a baby together."

She had truly believed they would grow old together, their love as enduring as the stars in the sky. No one could have predicted how cruelly fate would rip them apart. Now she understood with painful clarity that those days were gone forever.

When the torturous intimacy finally ended, Xavier transformed back into the cold, polished stranger, buttoning his shirt as if nothing at all had happened between them. "One week. Do not go back on your word."

It's Kelsey's birthday today. Don't contact me.

Biting back tears that threatened to spill, Nina forced a smile that felt like broken glass against her face. "Xavier, do you love Kelsey that much?"

The instant the words left her mouth, she wished she could pull them back. The truth would cut deeper than any blade ever could.

His lips twisted into a cold smirk as he glared at her with undisguised contempt. "When I hit absolute rock bottom, Kelsey stayed by my side. Who else would I love? You?"

Even though she had braced herself for something like this, the words still crushed her like a physical weight pressing down on her chest.

His lowest point had been her most painful moment as well.

She had been carrying his child while enduring Ansel's fury as he neared the end of his life. To the outside world, she had been the enviable Mrs. Chase, the lucky woman who had married into money. But behind closed doors, she had kept her head down and swallowed every insult, treated worse than a servant in her own home. All of it had been to protect the life growing inside her.

No matter how much suffering she endured, their shared past had always given her strength to keep going. Then came the day of her stomach cancer diagnosis, the same day the news had broken about Xavier and Kelsey's relationship. She would have severed all ties with him forever if she could have. But fate had played one cruel joke after another, eventually forcing her into this shameful act of drugging him just to get close enough to conceive.

Her lips trembled, but the words stuck in her throat like a physical lump she could not swallow past. Xavier watched her with something that almost looked like expectation flickering behind his cold eyes. When the silence dragged on between them, he let out a cold, mocking laugh. "Someone like you could never grasp what Kelsey and I share together."

The door banged shut behind him, snapping her back to reality. Her fingers brushed against wetness on her cheeks, tears she had not even noticed falling. The memories that had once comforted her through lonely nights now cut like knives, twisted into something painful by his betrayal.

It did not matter, she told herself. She just had to endure a little longer. Once the baby was born and her illness ran its course, she would be free to leave this world without ever looking back.