Expiring

~Chapter 3~

I head home immediately school ends and the only thing on my mind on the ride home is Elara. I find myself smiling as I remember clearly everything Elara and I talked about in class today. It turns out she's quite friendly for someone with her social status. I didn't really notice this before but Elara is envied by basically the entire girls population at the school. Almost every girl wants to be like her and honsetly speaking, I can't blame them. If I was a girl that gave a s**t about my social status, I'd want to be like Elara. The thoughts of me and her begin to fade as I get into my house. I undress, take a shower and change into more comfortable clothes and climb my bed. I sit on the bed with my thoughs scrambled. I'm not able to think about just one thing. The cancer is probably the most protruding out of all of them. The thought of not being alive not so long from now is still new to me. I still can't get over it. In this moment, I wish I had somebody to talk to. I wish my life wasn't as sad as it is. I wish I had a best friend or even a friend to talk to about stuff like this but no, I just happen to be the lonely boy that barely anybody in the school even knows. I wish life was different. I sigh and get my car keys from my bedside table with the intention of just going for a drive. At first, it's just a drive but after a few minutes of driving, I go to the park. I have this weird liking to nature. I normally walk around in the evening taking in the beauty that is nature. I don't know why but for me, the way the sun shines on the trees at this time is simply gorgeous and it's something I love to see every time I come here. After walking for some 45 minutes, I take a seat on a bench and reflect. I take this time to ask myself what I really want to happen before I die. For starters, I want to date Elara. This thought is undoubtedly because of the way I felt when I was with her today. Second on the list, I want to be more social. I don't want to die without being noticed and with the way things are at school right now, I'm almost certain that if I died right now, none of the students at that school would even notice. Thirdly I want to show my talents. This is oddly similar to the second thing but the difference is with the second one, I just want to make friends and be noticed in school while with the third one, I want to win tournaments or competitions. I just want to get some accolades before it's time to go. I sit on the bench a while more, and at this point, I'm not even thinking of anything in particular but rather I'm just taking in the scenario before me. I'm so lost in the beauty of the park that I don't even notice when someone pops up and sits beside me. A faint voice calling my name and hands being waved in front of my face bring me back. I turn to the side only to notice it's Elara sitting beside me. I expect my heart to jump at this but instead I feel nothing. I know that if the both of us sit here and we engage in conversation, I may end up telling her about my condition. I can't afford to do that. I'm not noticed by majority of the students of my school and I do not want to just be known as the boy with cancer. "Hi Eliott." She speaks first and that smile I can't help myself but love is on display making me feel all giddy inside. "Hey." I reply, keeping my tone as calm as I possibly can. I don't want to have this conversation with Elara and I know to myself that it's stupid but I'm doing it to protect myself. I don't want her sympathy and I'll get it because I'm sure that somewhere in the conversation, I'll bring up the fact that I'm battling cancer. "What are you doing here all alone?" She asks and the look of concern on her face makes me want to give myself away. I can't do that. "Nothing, I just wanted to take a look at nature." I reply without making eye contact. "Alone?" She asks again and I want to tell her because I need to tell someone this but at the same time, I don't want anyone feeling pity for me so I just nod. She clearly doesn't buy into what I'm saying because she stands up and pulls me out of the bench I'm sitting on. "Let's walk" She says and doesn't give me the chance to respond because she's already walking which gives me no option but to follow her. "What's the problem Eliott." She asks as soon as I catch up to her. "There's no problem Elara." I reply while trying to keep myself from showing any emotions. I want to tell her because of how genuine her intentions seem but I know better than that. I know it'll most likely blow up in my face if I do. "To be honest, you have no actual reason to trust me Eliott. I mean we just started talking today and now I'm asking you to tell me something that as I can see bothers you a lot. You might feel like telling me this will cause you a lot of regret and I understand where you're coming from but don't you think you'll feel better if you do?" She asks and now her tone as dropped and she stopped walking and is now staring at me. "I really appreciate you being here right now but I really don't want to talk about it Elara." I tell her and I can't help but notice the way her shoulders slumped. I don't want to be like this with her. Even though we just met, I like her and I don't want to be making her feel this way but in this moment, it's better I do this than tell her. I offer to walk her back to her car which she accepts and after which I head back home and once I get in, I take a shower and go to bed. I knew I was most likely going to have a little challenge sleeping this night because of what happened with Elara but after telling myself it's for the greater good, I'm able to sleep peacefully.