Expiring

~Chapter 4~

It's now been a week since the incident with Elara at the park and I can't get it out of my head. I feel so stupid for not telling her. I knew I wanted to talk to someone to ease the burden and when I got an opportunity to, I wasted it. I know I can't carry this cross that is leukemia alone and yet when I someone who was willing to help carry the cross with me came along, I turned down their offer in fear of what could come out of it. It's a weekend so I'm not in any particular rush to get out of bed so I just stay in bed allowing myself with my thoughts.I don't know what's going to happen when I get to school on Monday and I have to face her. After the way I acted at the park, I don't think she'll want to talk to me ever again. I get out of bed and take a shower, planning on going to the park in the hope that she'll be there. I really hope she is because I need to make things right after what I did yesterday. I get dressed in black shorts, a white shirt, and I put on my slides and grab my keys and head out of the door. I get into the car and pull out of my driveway with me still hoping that I'll see her at the park. I get to the park and turn off the car engine and step out of the car door. I follow my normal routine of walking through the park at first to get a view of everything. Seeing it this early in the day makes my mind debate whether the place looks prettier in the day time or in the night. The park looks absolutely gorgeous. The way the morning sun shines on the flowers which still have their morning dew. It's nothing short of amazing. I continue to walk through the park, taking in every bit of this scenery before me.. I take everything in for a little longer before sitting down on the same bench I at on yesterday. I zone out yet again but this time, my thoughts aren't distorted. They're just non-existent. I just feel so at peace with the world in this moment and so nothing is really going through my head. I'm snapped out of my reverie by the person I hoped will come today, Elara. "Hi Elara." I speak first this time much to her surprise and in a little way, to mine. "Hi." She responds but she doesn't give me one of her trademark smiles which genuinely speaking make me fold like a paper. That makes me a little sad but I do my best not to show it out. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have shut you out like that. We can talk about it if you want to." I blurt rather than say and she stares at me as if I'm an artifact she's seeing for the first time at a museum. "Are you sure you want to?" She asks and I know I'm not sure but at the same time, I want to tell her. "I'm sure." I reply and gain a nod from her telling me to go on. "So, about a month ago, I went to the hospital to run a test on my blood and when I got the result about two weeks ago, I tested positive to leukemia. I decided not to go through chemotherapy because there are still chances I'll die even with chemotherapy. The doctor also told me I have about six more months to live before I finally pass. So, yeah, that's it." I tell her in intervals and watch as her expression forms one of a person who's deeply concerned. To be honest with myself, I feel a lot better after telling her everything. Elara takes a few more seconds to process everything before she finally speaks. "Eliott, firstly, why didn't you tell anybody. What of your parents, don't they know. Why would you keep this all to yourself and why don't you want to go through chemotherapy. It could really help you if you're going to beat the cancer. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. This isn't fair to you. You haven't done wrong to anyone so why is this happening to you." She says and her voice begins to shake. She looks devastated. I didn't expect anyone to feel like this because of me not to talk of her, Elara, the most popular girl in school who for reasons I don't understand, talks to me. "Well, my parents and I don't exactly see eye to eye. In fact, I haven't talked to them in almost a year. I moved out of the house once I turned sixteen and I haven't spoken to them since then. I don't have any friends in school so there was really no one to tell it to. As I said, I don't want to go through chemotherapy because it isn't assured that I'll survive and I want to try and live my life in this last six months. Don't ask if I've done anything to anybody, it's not karma or anything like that. I'm just supposed to go this way." I say with a smile that is very clearly fake, Elara is still in shock from what I'm saying but she suprises me as she pulls me in for a hug. At first, I'm reluctant to hug her back but I cave in to the hug and for the first time after some days of feeling completely numb, I cry. I just burst into tears with Elara huggine me. I've tried to tell myself that crying doesn't change anything and that it'll only make me remeber what I'm going through so for the past three days or so, I haven't cried at all and whenever the thought of death comes to my mind, I just wave it away telling myself that there's nothing I can do about it so crying won't fix it. "I'm here for you Eliott. You don't have to go through this alone. Do you hear me, I'm here for you. If you have any problems, meet me, let's talk about it. You're just seventeen, you can't handle every problem that comes your way by yourself do you hear me. Please don't try and do this alone." She says, and now she's crying along with me. As she talks, all I can do is nod because right now I'm completely emotional. I'm crying so much but at the sane tume, it's relieving to have a shoulder to cry on, literally. I wipe my tears off and Elara and I walk to my car. She tells me she walked to the park and I tell her bye but instead of walking the opposite way, she opens the passenger door and climbs into my car. "What are you doing?" I ask, clearly confused. "I'm coming over silly." She says and for the first time today, flashes me one of those smiles that makes my insides melt completely. "No, no, no you can't come over." I tell her, my words jumbled because I'm beginning to feel nervous. "And why can't I come over?" She asks and while I'm trying to think of a reason, she straps on her seatbelt and at that point, I just strap mine on too and start driving. "I can't believe you've never had someone over before. It's funny." She says as we get out of the car and head into the house. Once we get in, she makes her way to the fridge and grabs and apple before making herself comfortable on the couch. "So what do you do for fun here?" She asks, clearely needing entertainment. " I don't really do anything." I reply to her and watch as she sits up."Alright then tell me about yourself." She basically demands. "Okay, I'm Eliott Alvaro, I'm seventeen, my favourite color is dark purple, I'm an introvert, I play soccer and volleyball and I can cook." I tell her and she just screams "boringgg." We stare at each other for a few seconds as silence fills the room before she starts telling me about herself. "I'm Elara Fernando, I'm seventeen as well. I don't play any sports because I find them extremely boring, I dance, it's therapeutic for me so whenever I'm sad or angry, I just dance and it makes everything go away. I'm more on the extrovert side but I prefer to have my space r to be with just one or two people at a time. My favourite color is blue and I love to draw. She says with a big smile plastered all over her face. "That's so cool." I say to prevent the silence which I know is surely coming and she punches me on the arm. "Why did you do that?" I ask, clearly confused. "Because you sounded so sarcastic saying that." She replies. Half of what she said didn't even register in my head because I couldnt help but take in her face as she said it. The way her long curly brown hair was packed in a messy bun, the way her brown eyes were lit as she was talking. Worst of all, I couldn't stop staring at her lips. She applied gloss to them this morning and the way her lips would close and open as she spoke was giving me a bad urge to kiss her. I knew better than to do that though. I knew better than to do that though. "Earth to Eliott." She says which brings me back. "What were you doing? Were you checking me out? Oh my gosh,you were checking me out." She doesn't even give me the chance to reply as she concludes that I was checking her out. I know that the normal thing to do in this situation is to lie but a part of me wants to admit it to her that I was checking her out. We don't get any chance to talk about it more because Elara receives a text on her phone and she stands up immediately as I see her face go pale. "What happened Elara?" I ask. She ignores me and heads for the door. "Thanks for having me, bye." She says and leaves. I follow her and remind her that she came with my car so she has no way of getting back. "I'll order an Uber don't worry." She says with a tone that tells me to just go. I leave her and head back in asking myself what could possibly have happened to her that made her leave so hastily.