Their Equal Share

24.I am guilty

Surya's p.o.v,

I woke up again with a hangover,I closed my eyes tightly and tried to remember about last night but my head hurt badly.I groaned and turned to the other side.A desirable smell filled my nose.My pillow smelt a mixture of lavender and jasmine which I had smelt only once in that hospital elevator.

It smelt like her when once I hugged her in the elevator.I frowned in confusion,I had never smelt this before in my room.I groaned in pain with more thinking but something flashed in my mind along with the pain.

Niranjana. Yes, it was her.She took me to the bed and I talked something,me hugging her,she lying on me.Everything was dream,a bloody dream.But why I am smelling her on my pillows.Was she here for real,then why didn't she wait until I woke up.

You only told her to stay away from you.A voice mocked at me.I saw a glass of lemonade with a note on the side table and picked up the note 'Drink this lemonade.It will help your hangover.' I smiled by reading it.May be Ram was right,I should not push her.I should try this relationship.She don't deserve this.She did nothing but care for me.

I felt her warmth more comfortable even in my dream.If only she was for real.I gulped the lemonade in a single go.By the time I went to the dinning table she was talking with the maid with a pleasant smile.I feel everyday refreshed and energized whenever I see her smile.

Her smile can illuminate a gloomy man like me.We had our breakfast silently like usual and I stole few glances of her while eating.When I was about to exit the door she was standing there watching me.If only she can give a hug before I exit the door.Without any further thoughts I turned around and exited.

How shall I say to her that now I am ready to work out this marriage?You did it without any second thoughts when you didn't want this relationship.My inner voice again mocked me.One or the other way I should express my thoughts to her.

I entered my office building,the moment I entered all the eyes turned towards me.Many greeted me on my way to cabin.And I also noted few girls looking at me seductively.I never bothered to look at them after knowing their intentions which I don't appreciate at all.

These girls are all same,with over make-up and seductive,it is all for the money,for my power in this company and my inheritance at my native.May be for my good looks also.Whatever the reason is,all are like her from my past.I don't even want to think of her.

But my wife is neither like these girls nor like my ex-girlfriend.She is different.I may not know much about her but until I had noted her she doesn't put on much make-up,I had always seen her being simple.She has self-respect,she doesn't depend on anyone.

She cares truly from the heart.Now I feel like a fool not noting these qualities of her.If she is what like I think,I am really going to try this.

"Hi..dude you are all smiling today?"He asked with his usual teasing tone.I shook my head still smiling."I had thought of your advice Ram,may be I should try this.She is different.Though I had avoided her many times,she didn't stop caring for me.That is what I feel guilty about.All she did is care for me but I only hurt her by scolding her."

Ram chuckled and gave a knowing look."God,at least now you have realized it Surya." he said with a happy smile."Don't mess up buddy.Did you tell her about this." I shook my head in no.I sighed sadly,"No..I cannot find courage to tell her that.What if she don't agree now? I would look like a fool."

"You told her on first night about your opinion.Now why are you hesitating.You only started it,you should face it.If you had acted properly from the day one you would not have been feeling like this now.Do it man." he was right.I am the reason for my own state.