A journey towards Independent

An unexpected news

The late afternoon Jashmin stepped through the pharmacy’s glass doors; she meticulously scanned the corridor, Jashmin had decided to take a test, her hand was shaking. It wasn’t until she caught a glimpse of her reflection in a mirror near the consultation station that she paused, studying the woman who stared back: untidy hair, droopy eyes, and a weak spirit which looked like an alien.

The bitter taste of the divorce still felt fresh and painful in her lips, as if it still hurts to talk about it. He and her had vowed to be together forever; however, as the echoes of the vows disappeared. She took her report from pharmacy and came back to home. After entering her tiny and cramped house, she placed the box on the table in the kitchen and inhaled deeply. In the corner, there was a wedding photo in the frame, covered with the thick layer of dust which served as the sad evidence of the girl’s broken dream and a failed marriage.

The man that she once admired and loved, she found herself experiencing a surge of rage for the man who was instrumental in the annihilation of their future. It lay on the table, inviting her to step over her fear and try the test with an opportunity of success. Slowly, but sure, she walked to the bathroom stopping at the door as if she had to decide once again.

She was nervous and breathed heavily as she closed the door on her and locked herself in that little room. She felt the thumping of her heart almost in synchronization to the ticking of the time on the wall. When she dared to look at the test, there is no way she could miss the two lines, the plus sign of life that was so clear against the background of her confusion. The feeling of fear that she has in her heart grew even bigger all of a sudden. Joy struggled with reality and this stormed her up in a tempest of feelings. What would this mean?

Despite all the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her she felt a flash of happiness, was this not a miracle? The reality of the world outside still went on and did not pause to observe the tempest that was raging in her. But as she leaned against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall she felt the pressure of being a mother. Was she prepared to lead a small life through a world of the darkness and brightness? How could she be sure that she will be able to raise the child on her own especially when she never tried the single parenting before? Later as dusk set in over the city Jashmin sat on the couch with her cold cup of tea in her hand and watched the curtains.

She struggled with some of the things she had done during her confinement, the ignorance of youth that had seen her marry the man she’d grown up with, naively. She tried to recall fond and happy memories but they were now broken into smithereens like a glass. Her thoughts went back to the number of nights spent seated at the window as she yearned for the day to become a mother. The memory of her desire shone in her now as if it had always been there but this clarity was sudden as a stroke. She wanted to care, to give love to her child but the darkness of her past followed her and was getting closer. And when the waves of feelings entered her and receded she thought of something. She would be the master builder of her child’s life, she had the authority to recreate the meaning of the word ‘Family’.

Comfortably clear, Jashmin thought, being a mother was not going to be a walk in the park, but she would be able to face all her fears with all that it entailed. She would be the light to her child guiding him/her through a world full of thorny bushes of doubts. Maybe she was supposed to be the one who paved for herself and others the way into this uncharted territory. As she grasped the growing feeling in her breast, she accepts the fact that will follow her on this path. Love wasn’t simply inherited. It was grown, it was raised, and, most importantly it was selected. Her heart did not ache as she used to feel a new hope within her that she had the chance to start anew and she had the future to look forward to and build for herself.