The broken boy - healed by innocence

Going for a swim

*Faith*

"Are you sure you won't stay?" my mother asks after everyone has left. "Dee is asleep, and your room is ready for you."

I consider it but figure I won't sleep a wink knowing Cooper is just down the hall from me. It's been difficult enough bathing in a room near his, imagining him lowering that long, lean body of his into steaming water. "I hate to wake Dee, so if you don't mind, I will let her stay. And Rufus, too, if that's okay. In case she wakes up, she likes to have him near. It sounds awful, but I would enjoy having the cabin to myself, experiencing a little quiet."

"We love having Dee stay so that's no problem," she replies.

"I will escort you home," Cooper says.

I sigh, "That's not…"

He just cuts me off, "It's already dark, Faith."

I roll my eyes. "Fine."

When the horses are saddled and we have mounted, since Dee isn't with us, I decide I'm in the mood for a bit of adventure. "I will race you."

Before he can agree, I urge my horse into a gallop and soon after hear the pounding of his stallion's hooves. I press my mount to go faster. The moon and a thousand stars provide enough light to guide us.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see he is gaining on me, his grin flashing in the night. A subtle rivalry has always existed between us, and I have appreciated that he has never felt a need to let me win, and has always considered me a worthy competitor. Tonight I draw comfort from the competition, grateful to be easing back into doing something with him that is as natural as breathing.

He beats me by half a length, whooping as he brings his horse to a halt. Sweeping his hat from his head, he waits as I ease my horse over. "What'd I win?" he asks.

"Bragging rights." I tell him.

He laughs, the deep timbre of his joy circling in the air and landing on my heart as gently as a butterfly on a petal. "I'll take it."

I dismount. He follows suit and helps me see to my horse. When we are finished, I walk to the porch, place my hands behind me, and lean my back against the beam that supports the eaves of the cabin where tonight I will sleep alone.

Even though we have built on an extra bedroom for Dee, I am always aware of my daughter's presence, imagine I can hear her breathing, note the creak of the bed whenever she rolls over. I often wake in the middle of the night and go stand in the doorway, watching as my blessing sleeps. "I guess you will head into town for a bit of revelry now. It's not that late."

"Wasn't planning on it." He says.

"What are you going to do?" I ask.

He gives a small shrug, "I was thinking of going for a swim in the river. Want to come?"

I smile, shake my head. "I can't remember the last time I went swimming."

"Sounds like it's been too long then. Grab a couple of quilts. I will resaddle your horse." He says.

"Don't be silly. We can run there.".

"It goes against a cowboy's grain not to ride. I have seen men mount their horses just to cross from one side of the street to the other." He says.

I shake my head. "Which I have never understood. It's not that far. Give me a minute to change."

By the time I return wearing pants, a shirt, and boots, with my hair braided, he has changed and is holding a lit lantern by the handle in his mouth that he has obviously taken from the peg outside the front door. I show him a bottle of whiskey before putting it in my basket with the quilts.

He moves his head, and I hear him clearly in my mind. ‘A she-wolf who knows the way to a man's heart.’

That was a misstatement if I ever heard one, but rather than arguing about it, I simply change, grab the basket with my teeth and set off at a brisk pace, the light from the lantern giving me confidence I'm not going to run into an unexpected critter. ‘Speaking of being too lazy to walk…’

‘I'm not lazy,’ he interrupts me. ‘But I don’t see the point in using my legs when another set will work just as well.’

‘I like walking, of letting my Wolf loose. There’s a peacefulness to it. Have you seen these automobiles that Ford fella is making?’ I ask.

His black Wolf head nods. ‘Rode in one once.’

I stare at him. ‘You did not.’

‘Sure did.’ He confirms.

‘What was it like?’ I ask.

A wolfish grin, ‘Rattled a lot. Nearly shook my teeth loose.’

‘Some fella came through in one a few months back. He said someday everyone will be driving one.’ I tell.

‘I’ll stick with my horse.’ He huffs. ‘Or my legs.’

I giggle to myself, ‘Still, I have been thinking we need a place in Moonshadowville that sells the gasoline that folks who aren’t as closed-minded as you will need.’

He chuckles low.

‘What’s so funny?’ I ask.

‘You are your father’s daughter. Always trying to figure out what people need, what’s going to bring them here, keep them here.’ He says.

I would have shrugged if I was in human form, ‘With cattle no longer being driven to the s*******r yards, towns are fading away. I don’t want Moonshadowville to be one of them.’

‘Do you ever think about leaving?’ He asks.

‘No. If I left, I would be like you. Eventually, I would come back.’ I admit.

‘You could go away for a short while, just to see some of the sights.’ He suggests.

I smile over at him around the handle of the basket. ‘I have your postcards.’

‘It's not the same, Faith. Standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon... it just takes your breath. Everywhere I went, I would see something and wish you were there to see it with me.’ He says softly.

Knowing he had thought about me while he was away touches me deeply. A part of me wishes I had been with him. When I had awoken the morning after we had kissed, in spite of my aching head and roiling stomach, I had believed that something significant had changed between us, that more than our hearts had connected, that our souls had merged. I had been filled with the promise of love and happiness. Until I had discovered he was gone.

I had been devastated by the news that he had decided to move on, away from Moonshadowville, away from me. My pride had taken a blow, my heart a punch. He had been a constant in my life and he hadn't even bothered to say goodbye. I couldn't help but believe that my kissing him had prompted his departure. Hadn't he told me it never should have happened?

But Cole Berringer had been more than willing to kiss me, so I had compounded the first mistake with a second one, welcoming his courting of me. He had spoken with my father, and Chase had given Cole permission to visit with me in a non businesslike manner. In his arms, I had thought I might be able to forget about Cooper but he had always been there at the back of my mind, at the edge of my heart.

I watch the lantern light bobbing along over the ground with his strides. "So you thought about me while you were gone?"

‘Every day.’ He admits.

I had thought about him nearly every minute. ‘Why didn't you write to me?’

‘I don't know.’ Regret laces his voice. ‘To be honest, I don't even know anymore why I left.’

A peacefulness settles over me to have Cooper at my side. I'm careful to keep enough distance between us that our flanks wouldn't touch, but it seems his path isn't as straight as mine because every now and then his bag leg glides against mine, and a shiver of unexpected longing courses through me.

It has been ages since I have found joy in the presence of a man, but it seems natural to inhale Cooper’s scent and draw comfort from it. I have an urge to bury my nose against the soft fur at his neck, to seek his warmth and comfort.

The silence eases in around us, and I draw comfort from that as well, from acknowledging that with him, the quiet void doesn't need to be filled with forced conversation.

With a laugh, I quicken my pace. I can see the outline of the trees, hear the rush of the water. The river cuts a serpentine path along the Moonshadow property. Farther down, my father had battled with my mother's family over the rights to the water. Peace had come with an arranged marriage, and love had soon followed.

I never tire of listening to my parents’ story. It has always given me hope that I would find my own love, my true mate. It had taken me a long while to understand everyone's story was different, and not all of them ended happily.

At the edge of the river, I drop the quilts to the ground and change back. "Who's going first?"

"She-wolves always go first. Chase taught me that." Cooper says after putting down the lantern and changing.

"No peeking!" I call out as I hurry over to the bushes lining the bank.

"I'm a gentleman," he yells back at me.

Strange, I think as I begin stripping down to my chemise and drawers, that I'm doing something I would never expected to do again… be comfortable with very few clothes on in the presence of a man. They say time heals all wounds. Perhaps after six years, mine are finally starting to cease their festering.