The Conspiration of the Universe

Chapter 4

4

It has been 25 minutes after six and Sid was still nowhere to be seen. The purple sky has turned dark blue now and more stars had appeared to dazzle around. Even the moon looked beautiful with its yellowish glow that it provides and adding more grandiosity on the ambience was the orange night light that bathes the freedom park with this melancholy feeling. The park was calm and beautiful with a few people to witness.

“It’s okay Luke. She must be doing something important.” I said to myself covering all the doubts and worries I had in mind. I can’t help myself to worry. Every time I wait for someone and they didn’t show up at the agreed time, I start to panic and get scared. It brings back memories when my father left us.

I really hope that Sid is already on her way. Sitting at the park bench for so long made my butt hurt. God, where is she? She haven’t even texted me. I re-checked my birthday present for her: a decorated folder filled with colourful sticky notes that I’ve personally asked from the people that cares about her, greeting her a happy birthday and a book, my old book that I have cherished. This book, titled ‘A Starless Night’, was written by my favourite author Andrew Bautista. For me he was the greatest even though he received rough criticisms from his work. He was once said to write ambitious characters. Characters that was too “great” that they seem unreal and un-relatable and cease to exist. Of course, I ignored those opinions. I think, Bautista’s characters were a rarity that the readers thought that no teenagers would come near to the qualities exhibited by them and I think that is what makes them special.

Just as I thought to look for Sid a hand caressed my shoulder making me flinch. It’s Sid...and she looks elegant wearing a black cocktail dress. She looked at me tensed sensing that I was very worried about her. “Where have you been? I thought something went wrong....” I noticed my voice was shaking.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I’m late.” she sat right beside me.

“No it’s okay, happy birthday!” I lean towards her for a kiss on the check. Just as I left my lips from her cheeks I felt weird for doing that. I felt warmness rushed over to my own cheeks.

“You look sharp.”

“Well that’s because I need to, for you.” I said trying to sound cool for once, though I don’t think she was impressed at all. I waited for her to say something but she is just looking at her feet.

“Is there something wrong? What’s bothering you? You know they say it is bad luck to frown when it is your birthday. You would be frowning the rest of the year.”

“No it’s not. That only applies on New Year’s Eve or something.” she argued.

“Is it? I really thought it also apply on birthdays.” I said sounding to be really confused. Just as I expected she cracked a smile. “There you go...” I think she likes it when a. I act dumb or b. Make her feel that she’s right.

“Here I got something for you.” I handed her the folder filled with the sticky notes. She opened it and started to read each note it contains, the messages of her friends, bloc mates, even her sister whom I had difficulty to talk with. As she reads silently the words, I looked at her face, searching for littlest delight. I expect her to give me a hug or something after she reads it but her reaction is nil. Maybe she doesn’t like the messages. I thought it is time for my second gift so I flashed ‘A Starless Night’ to her.

“Here, I want you to have this.” I gave her the book and she hesitantly accepted it. “You know, that was my favourite book when I was 14. Remember what I told you that it became a part of me and now I want you to have it so in a way you would have read something about me”

“No.” she murmured

“What? Don’t you like it? I’m sorry I should have...”

“I cannot accept this.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.” I uttered

“I cannot accept this book because...” she intensely looked me at my eyes “because I’m breaking up with you.”

Breaking up. I don’t know what to say. My brain processes each and every word composing the sentence that left Sydney’s mouth yet it deems to be illogical.

“Sid, that’s not a funny joke you know.” My face seems to feel tensed all of the sudden like it was numb and rigid.

“I’m sorry Luke but it’s not a joke. We’re over. I’m getting tired of you.” She coldly said.

“That’s not true. We are happy. You just smiled a little while ago with me. We have no reason to break-up. In fact, we are going to have dinner at this fancy restaurant like what you have always wanted. Then we’re going to buy ice cream at your favourite shop. You could pick any flavour you want...” my vision started to get blurry but I have to fight it or I would look like a complete trash. “I managed to save a lot of money for this night. I’ve planned this for months and you....you’re gonna be happy.”

“Luke, you cannot force happiness upon me. Yes, the four months of our relationship was enjoyable.” (Enjoyable? I don’t think that is the proper adjective for describing our relationship, any relationship) “But now, now we have to move on. You have to move on, because I’ve already moved on.” she said flatly.

“Already moved on? To our relationship?”

“No. To be honest and be fair with you, I’m going to tell you this. Before I’ve met you, I was in a relationship. His name was Vince. We were happy, in-love but young. Too young according to my parents thus they disprove our relationship. They say that he was only a bad influence but I was never swayed with their advices so I decided to make our relationship a secret. Every time Vince and I meet, I lie to my parents that I have a group meeting to attend to. But it never took long before they’ve discovered so they took action at once and called Vince personally. They forbade him to go near me and talk to me. They want him to terminate our relationship and so he did.” Sydney’s face is unpleasantly pale like she just admitted a crime.

“Wait. Why am I hearing this? I interjected.

“Vince was like you Luke. You remind me of him and now...”

“Now, you realized that I cannot be him, that I shall never be him.” I paused for a second to digest her sick idea of hers. How can a person be wicked like this? “At the bottom line, I was just a substitute, a stop-gap. You know, I pity you. Your concept of moving on is pathetic. You find a person that could fill-in the hole in your heart and when it is already healed, when you are already okay, you’ll dispose the cast that relieved you. That is just sad... and ruthless. I’ll give you a tip okay? If you’re already messed up, please don’t mess up other people’s lives because some of them have a hell of a life as you know it. Maybe, just maybe, you could sympathize.”

I scrutinized her face again but all I saw was her cold and empty stare like none of the words I’ve said has not affected her just one bit. I can’t believe this. I grabbed my things from the bench including the book. She doesn’t deserve this book. And I don’t deserve any of this. I started to walk away from her. I started at slow pace at first the faster and faster as if I could outrun the poignant memories of this night.

I had arrived at my apartment sweaty even though the night was chilly. Matt is still not home. I needed time alone anyway. I quickly changed my clothes and decided to go to bed early. My expectations and memory for this night clashed in my head. Before I finally dozed off, I was left to thinking that the Universe conspired to break my heart.