Awakening Series

The Awakening - p.t 2

The pain is unbearable, driving me to the brink of insanity, and it truly feels like my human self is being tortured to nonexistence. Every bone in my body snaps and reforms as though it’s being done manually, one at a time. My flesh tears free and pulls away from muscle. I’m wet, a hot pouring out as blood drains from the hellish self-inflicted wounds that seem to last forever, covering me in sticky warm heat, smothering me and leaving a vile metallic scent all around. I can’t tell what’s sweat, what is blood, what is maybe other kinds of fluid. Barely holding on, reaching a pinnacle where my mind is on the verge of collapse and the dregs of sanity teeter on a cliff edge. I howl and strain with all my might, so I extend my face up into the air and gasp with relief as my lungs inhale and I finally take a breath.

And then  ... everything is still.

It all just stops. Like having a cold drink poured over scorched sunburn, and instant soothing hits hard and intensely as my noise becomes silence, my burns become cool and my breaks become one.

I stop fighting my body. Aware of the immediate cease of all of it and the creepy quiet that surrounds me so suddenly. The unnatural silence. Hazy and blurry as my head spins and I grasp for some sense of reality. Catching my breath, gulping in cool air and calming ambience as the fog clears, and my vision returns only a little.

I try to get up, to right myself, although it feels different, and I stumble sideways with a disorientated sense of upright. I’m on my hands and knees even though I don’t know how I got this way. I can’t stand or push myself up as I would because it all feels strange and I blink and shake my head to clear my eyes enough to see which way up I’m facing. Confused, yet there is a calm taking over me, a sense of serene with heightened senses in every way. I blink, my eyes watering, as finally, dry is restored to moist and I see forms and shapes and shadows which then define to details and more.

I gaze down and I see paws that startle me at first. Gasping at the closeness and realize they are mine, where my hands should be, flat on the ground. Large, clawed but strong paws, larger than I thought they would be. I lift one and shake it, almost as if I need to convince myself that I can use and control this limb, it’s truly connected to my body. My legs are solid, with thick silver-gray fur up my muscular chest. I have a streak of purest snow white that travels as far as I can see. I stare at it, lean back and pull my chin in tight to follow it until I can’t strain any further to see.

I have very little memory of my mother in her true form, but I know this is from her. She was a white and my father a silver, yet it’s rare to combine both in such a way. Most wolves are brown or gray ... white is a mutation that’s almost unheard of and my mother used to try to hide herself because it brought only stares.

I shake my head, the unfamiliar weight of a different form pulling me from side to side, not fully in control of my limbs or movements just yet, but aware it’s so much bigger than my human skull. Staggering on strange legs and fall flat, splaying out and bumping my undercarriage as I collide with stone. Aware, suddenly, of the scene around me coming back into focus and realizing we are still being watched. Sobering fast as my new metabolism pushes the last of the drugs out of my system and cleanses my blood.

The atmosphere is charged and I’m surrounded by newly changed wolves of all shades of gray and brown; although I’m the only one with white in my coat. Turning as the Shaman’s chants draw my eyes back to him, I trip over my uncoordinated self as I try to right myself and get up. It’s hard to use my hands as front legs and I instinctively rear backwards too far onto my haunches, lose my balance and reel forward again to correct it, before tumbling face forward to the ground once more and meet the dust with a lower jaw clunk.

“It gets easier. Try to stay on your feet. All four of them.” The voice above me pulls my head to tilt towards it and I recoil as I realize Colton Santo is standing right by me, watching as I make a spectacle of myself falling flat out on new legs. I don’t know if I’m shocked that he spoke to me, or wary that he did.

I’ve never trusted anything about him, or any of his motives, and wonder when he got over here, so close. Avoiding looking directly at him, keeping my eyes averted from his and attempt to get to grips with this weird body and focus on learning to use it. All I can do is whimper back, realizing I can’t form words this way and go into my own head link instinctively.

Wolves in the same pack have a connection mentally, so they can communicate without talking, which, admittedly, is impossible as a wolf. We don’t have the vocal cords for human talking. It’s also possible when close enough to talk to one not from your own pack. If they are willing to hear you.

It feels strange.

I attempt to link with him, weirded out by this new, almost natural ability I didn’t have before. Overwhelmed by all of this and not sure if I am still heavily drugged when in this form, or if this surreal new way to experience everything is wolf’s sense. Things affect us differently as humans, and this disorientation might just be something I have to adjust to.

Yeah, well, walk it off. Learn fast.

He links me back, a husky familiarity to his voice inside my head that does strange things to my stomach. It’s hardly a polite response, and the tone tells me he doesn’t really want to have any sort of communication with me, especially not in a head link.

I’m not one of his pack and I’m not even on the same level as him. It’s disrespectful to try. As if to further demonstrate the point, he walks off towards his father and I flop down to get to grips with everything that I just got hit with. I’m heavy, not sure how to navigate my dog body when I’ve spent my life walking on two legs. I must weigh four times my usual weight for sure, although the size of my paws suggests maybe even more.

“The turning will not last ... only fleeting moments for your first time. When you come out, you will be awoken, and your path will lead you to your destiny. Pay attention, be alert. You are now on the other side.” The Shaman states it loudly and it echoes around the mountain like a sort of prophetic song. One I have heard so many times, yet this time, it finally means something to me.

I get up on unsure legs once more, slowly, like Bambi on newborn limbs, and lift my head as I know I’m meant to. In unison with all around me, we stretch our necks out, lift our noses to the heavens and howl at the moon for the first time in our lives, as one united pack; no matter who we are, where we are from, whatever our bloodline or our past, long and soulful with meaning. A sound that echoes around us, through us, and is joined by the hundreds who watch until we fill the night sky with a somber, eerie hum that will reverberate around the mountains and put the fear of God into the wildlife. United in one song that cpmpletes our transformation.

It feels strange at first, my throat vibrates, it aches and rasps my vocal cords, but as my belly empties, my air departs and the longest yowl comes cascading out of me until it scratches my throat and leaves me breathless, I feel alive. Like I have been holding my breath and waiting for this my whole life. I guess I have. This is what I was born to be and with the awakening, comes freedom.

I can leave.

I can run.

I can live off the land and hunt to survive. I’m no longer bound by the confines of humans to get by. Wolves can live anywhere as long as they can hunt, and although we have a pack mentality, I’ve heard stories of isolated wolves doing fine on their own. That is what I have planned, longed for, waited for, and I know where I’m heading. I can finally realize my dream of leaving all of this behind me and finding my solitary peace somewhere out there. As far away from these mountains and people as I can, and never looking back.

As soon as I relax, our call stops and the energy in me fades fast. Overcome with fatigue that makes me slump back down and flake out on my belly, sighing as my body tingles and itches with a thousand tiny tremors. Glancing down in time to watch as everything changes back faster than I thought it would.

Fur that was keeping me warm, on paws instead of hands ... it all begins to recede, and unlike my transformation to beast, the reversal is not painful at all. It’s fast, almost instant, and before I can blink or even get to grips with what is happening, I am nakedly human. Smeared in my blood and flat out in a huddled heap on the floor, which saves me some of my dignity by shielding my body.

I scramble to pull my body into a ball, aware I am completely uncovered and exposed to the hundreds of eyes around me. I jump when my blanket is tossed towards me by the nearby Damon, smirking as his eyes devour my nudity and I recoil. Embarrassed, ashamed at being naked in front of everyone and mad as hell that he made sure I would have to cross eight feet to get the blanket. I glare at him, forgetting myself for a moment and then ponder not going to get it and huddling up to cover myself instead.

Others had theirs tossed directly at them, and looking around, I realize I am the only one who has to go crawling for hers, like an animal. He is trying to humiliate me, and I move fast to catch it. Shocked when the slightest movement sends me shooting towards him at lightning speed and I end up almost at his feet in the blink of an eye.

“Wow,” I blurt out loud and get laughed at by someone nearby as they realize how naïve I am about the speed and power we all just inherited. Another change in me I have to get used to. I grab the blanket and try to crawl backwards while pulling it over me and fall onto my back as it’s jerked tight and yanked back taut, sending my head crashing on the smooth stone below me and bouncing my skull painfully.

Damon sniggers, his foot on the edge, as he looks down at me with complete disdain. Laughing at how much he is enjoying making a show of me and I have no choice but to try to pull the blanket from him once more. My face reddening with heat, aware of many more muffled sniggers and laughs at my expense, and I can’t conceal the shame washing over me.

I know others are watching; my senses are heightened and my body is goosebumping all over in response. I can feel them on me from all over and I want to sink into the ground and disappear. I yank, but the blanket tears from the pressure nearer my end and I have no choice but to stop or be left with a scrap that will cover nothing.

“For God’s sake, Damon. This isn’t the time or place. My father is staring at you. Pack it in.” Colton snarls his way, pushes him from behind, and comes into view, shoving him off the blanket and swoops down to pick it up with speed. He walks forward in two confident strides and hands it straight to me, bending lightly as he does so to make sure I get it with no more interference. I know he’s only doing it to save face, exert his dominance in front of his father and save Damon from punishment later. Either way, I am, for the first time ever, thankful for him and relieved he is an Alpha in the making. 

I reach out and take it gratefully, quickly pulling it around me and hiding what’s on show, afraid to look at him, but it’s almost impulsive as his hand, still attached to the corner, briefly touches my shoulder in passing because of how speedy I am. A hot searing flash runs through my body alarmingly, igniting something tingly inside me I can’t identify. Like being zapped by a low strength taser and I gasp at the contact, glancing up at him as he attempts to rise to stand, seemingly also recoiling for what was maybe just an electric shock. For one brief millisecond of synchronized surprise, our eyes lock.

It’s all it takes.

One second of direct focus, a meeting of eyes I have never dared to look into before, and the worst thing in the world happens to me. We connect: visions, images, projections flow through my mind at a neck-breaking speed that fries my brain and I cannot break his gaze or look away. Startled into silence, locked in, and unable to fight what happens. My body rigid and paralyzed, controlled by this higher force as we’re forcefully held, trapped in an intense stare down and his dark, almost black eyes eat into my soul.

His memories, my memories, his fears, my fears. They become a jumbling mass of zooming information, flooding, invading my mind, and overtaking me as I’m body-slammed with an overwhelming amount of emotions, in literal seconds, that could potentially zap your brain to death.

My body, my heart, my soul, all pulled into this flash of breath, which completely spins my world on tilt and changes everything instantaneously. Rooted to the spot, aware only of the darkest chocolate eyes on mine, unable to break free yet marooned like I suddenly found home, and his gaze goes from sworn enemy to lifeline in my darkness. Neither of us can do anything in our paralyzed state but let it happen, until the wild ride of transferring all we are, all we know, all we feel, is done and leaves us shell-shocked from the fallout.

Breathless, reeling from the invasion of his life, his memories, his history, pouring into my memory banks, I finally snap out and fall backwards in a slump. Released from whatever the hell that was and momentarily dazed. Fully incapable of any kind of movement as I lie on the ground, startled into silence and lightheaded from what felt like a physical assault.

“Holy s**t!” Colton’s voice waves my way, sounding equally shocked and as breathless as me, and I strain up to see him also on the ground. On his knees, though, looking like someone just sucker-punched him in the stomach, and he falls forward to drop his palms on the ground to hold him steady. Eyes wide, skin pale, unusually for his normal tanned hue. He looks like someone just told him the worst news he ever wanted to hear in his life, and he’s reeling in the aftermath. Complete silence surrounds us. A pin drop could be heard, and I have no idea what to think.

“They just imprinted,” one solo voice squeaks out and echoes around us like someone announcing a death sentence.

“No, that can’t have happened,” another, moments later, and then another, and another. The voices blending and blurring as my fingers find my skull and I scrub my head to get my brain to function. To figure out what just happened to me. The mutterings of one or two become many, deafening as they all verbalize their questions at what they just saw.

Me? I did what? ... No. It can’t be.

I lie here dumbfounded and try to pull my thoughts together, unsure why I now know how he likes his coffee or his favorite song, or why I suddenly can’t get the strong scent of him out of my nostrils, or the need to get up and go hug him, out of my brain. The crazy primal urge to get up and go sit on him and do things I never wanted to do before, or even a few seconds ago. It’s like every part of my soul is suddenly attuned to him, even though he’s feet away.

I lie back down and try to breathe through the oncoming panic, try to rationalize what this was as I draw in air with shallow breaths and try to let my body recover from the huge zap he gave me.

“Silence!” Juan Santo demands with a venomous tone, echoing around the mountain, and like a sudden clap of thunder, his voice halts the rest of the chaotic noise, giving me some relief before my brain explodes.

He storms towards us and physically drags his son up by the shoulder from his slumped position. Gripping and hauling him like a madman and angrily turning to face him once on his feet, raw anger erupting all over.

“Tell me you didn’t!” He demands at him in a cruel tone, but Colton seems as spangled as me. Knocked sideways and unsure what the hell just happened to us. His normally confident stance is loose, and he seems unsteady on his legs.

“I don’t know what that was ... I’ve never ... I don’t know!” His cocky, dominant tone is lacking too, and I can feel his eyes back on me as I struggle to sit up, pulling myself into a sitting ball and finally have the courage to stare at them.

As soon as I meet Colton’s eyes again, that same jolt hits me in my heart and stomach like a massive thud, and I know this isn’t anything else. Heard enough about it to know what it is. Saw it happen to others. The need to go over and wrap myself in his arms, the longing way we stop and gaze at each other as urge blots out sense and beast overtakes human reasoning. He stares at me with the same instinctual longing I throw his way, the unspoken need to walk towards him and to touch each other.

We just imprinted, and the Fates gave me my mate. 

Colton Santo is my destined Alpha, the wolf I’m supposed to spend eternity with and follow him wherever he goes. Until the end of time. He’s my path set in stone, my lover, my life, the father to my future offspring.

And I can’t imagine anything worse.