The Rogue

seven - intel

I take a sip of wine and place the glass on the table. The drive back to Evan’s apartment had been swift. His apartment was nearby, owned by his parents. The first time I’d come here, I had been too intoxicated to truly take it in. This time though, my eyes scanned the modern apartment.

White walls, dark wood furniture, and a sleek leather couch; It was a very classy bachelor pad. Though I feel like Claire had a hand in decorating.

My eyes drift back to Evan, he has undone his top couple of buttons relaxing back on his couch. It feels like that first night all over again.  I bite my lip and pull up my courage. I slide along the couch, adjusting myself so I sit straddling him; his sapphire blue eyes glisten as he looks up to me. I crash my lips into his and tangle my fingers in his hair. He responds hungrily for a moment but pulls back.

“What’s the rush Ivy?” his voice is soft, he tucks a stray lock of hair back behind my ear. My heart is pounding in my ears. The plan was to get information from Evan about his promotion; I know he knows something about my father's experiments, perhaps even about me. If that means I have to get close to him, to buy my freedom from the order I will.

“I thought we were celebrating” I blush, my eyes scan the room, once again, looking for something to talk about, when I notice it. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it the first time, but in the corner of the lounge area, Evan has a huge fish tank. Bright blue orbs are floating about on the inside.

“Are they Jellyfish?” I ask, lifting myself from Evan, wandering mesmerized by the floating creatures. There are 4 of them, bobbing in the tank that’s taller than me. They almost seem like they are glowing. I place my hand against the glass, utterly fixated.  

“They certainly are.” Evan joins me at the tank. “Jellyfish are fascinating. They are older than the dinosaurs, they don’t have brains, some are deadly, and some are immortal… that’s why I have them. If I can figure out their secrets, perhaps I could find a way to apply them to humans.”

“I don’t think id want to live forever…”

“I could, with the right people. But it’s more than that; think about a life that could be lived if you could survive like them. Imagine the things you could see given the time” Excitement laces Evans words. I know he’s thinking about far-off lands, temples, historic landmarks, amazing natural landmarks but all I can think about is these orbs floating in the tank. Something about them is drawing me in.

“They are beautiful…” I whisper.

“Yes… you are” he presses himself behind me, nibbling my earlobe. His fingers trace the band of my jeans, undoing the top button and the zip; he finds the hem of my sweater and pulls it up above my head, dropping it at the floor beside us. Goosebumps erupt across my skin he unclips my bra. His fingers tickle as he slides it off tossing it to join my sweater. He sweeps my hair over my shoulder, kissing the back of my neck, as his hands slide up my abdomen cupping my bust. A Shiver weaves its way down my spine.

“Are you sure you want this?” his voice is low in my ear. I bite my lip and nod. He pulls his shirt off, and takes my hand, leading me into his bedroom.

My mind drifts back to that first night. I was so giggly, I didn’t even care it was my first time. Now, sober, it feels different, it feels vulnerable and intimate.

He pulls my jeans and knickers down my thighs with ease and I lay back on the bed. He retrieves a silver wrapper from his bedside, and I give him a nod as he puts it on.

He hovers over me, kissing me, touching me. His body is warm against mine. That first time I enjoyed it, this time, my mind is straying elsewhere. I remember being so sad when my mum told me I wouldn’t see Evan again, we were so close as kids but now, grown we are so different, but he only sees me I put on for my father.  

He pushes himself into me and I gasp at the sensation. It's sore but not painful. He moves on me, slowly rocking, involuntary moans escape me. I’m here but I’m not here. I try to focus on this act with Evan, on the sensations building in my body but I can't, my mind is reeling from the events of the last 72 hours.

His fingers entwine with mine, as he picks up speed. I kiss him, trying to embrace this moment, but Adams's face, his green eyes, come to mind. I gasp breaking out a kiss just as I feel as if I'm about to reach a pinnacle.  Evan releases my hands and I feel him finish inside me. He pants my name as he rolls off me, pulling me to his chest. His heart is racing and so is mine, but for entirely different reasons. His fingers gently stroke my skin; he gives me intermittent soft kisses on my forehead.

“I’m glad you came back to Melbourne” he mumbles into my hair.

“I know you are” I sigh.

My head is a mess and I’m in out of my depth. All my carefully laid plains have unraveled in a single weekend. At no point, have I really caught my breath. I’ve been panic-paddling trying to keep myself above water but here I am. In Evan's bed, a place I never swore id be again.

“Are you happy here Ivy?” his question catches me off guard. Even before the weekend’s events, I don’t know how I would have answered it.

“Yeah of course” I reassure him, despite knowing that it’s a lie. He smiles and wraps me in a hug, pulling the blanket over us.

“What’s this?” he notices the circular cut on my arm from my tracker, he gently traces it with his fingers.

“Oh I burnt with a hair roller” I lie.

“Be careful Ivy I don’t want you getting hurt” he holds me tighter. If only he knew half of it.

I wonder what he would say if I told him the truth. Would he believe me? Would he help me? Would my niggling suspicion that he already knows about what my father has done to me prove to be true. Laying here with Evan, with so much swirling inside, I am alone. More alone than ever, and for the first time since coming here, I wish I wasn’t. I snuggled in closer to Evan, clinging to him like a lifeline.

We laid cuddling, my head on his chest, him cradling me for a while, Evan tried to talk about when we were kids, but each time the memories came to mind so I diverted him back to a neutral topic like his favorite movie, or pressed him for a story from his university years. It was easy to get him to fill the time; it wasn’t easy to keep my composure. Eventually, though, he said goodnight.

While he drifted off I waited.

Once I was sure, he was truly asleep; I slipped myself out from the sheets, and gathered my clothing, and checked my phone. I had a message from Adam.

I’m waiting for you

I checked I had the SD card still, then sent Evan a message to read when he woke to say I didn’t want to stay and rush things and would see him again soon. As I slipped out of his apartment, my gaze lingered on the jellyfish in the tank; there was something about them that I couldn’t put my finger on. They both drew me in, but also made me uneasy. I made a note to try and figure that out another time.

It was so late it could be called early, and the streets were silent as I made my way from the apartment block.

Adam was waiting for me in the black SUV at the end of the street. I contemplated turning and going back inside to Evan, but from what I know of Adam so far, I wouldn’t put it past him to come and retrieve me from Evan's bed.

He doesn't say anything and nor do I as I join him in. He drives off, turning the heat up. I stared out the window watching the gentle rain under the streetlights. Not that I'm accustomed to it, but 2 am streets hold a certain kind of peacefulness to them and I was thankful for it.  

When he pulled into the garage of the safe house, I went straight to Adams's room, to my little room. 

Adam followed me, shutting the door behind him, hesitating at his bed. He’s in his black gear, the same pants with pockets, and jacket he wore the night he took me. What had he been doing tonight while I was gone? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

Rummaging in my pocket, I pulled out the SD and held it out for Adam to claim.  

"I got what I could before Evan interrupted Me." 

taking it from my hand, his rough fingers send shocks against my skin. As I turn to go to my bed, I feel him grab my hand. 

"Ivy…Are you okay?" His tone is worried, not serious, not unreadable, and not humorous. It's different from the few sides of Adam I've seen so far, it makes me uneasy. He’s looking me up and down, lingering on my disheveled bed hair. Realization dawned on me; my phone was in my jeans. He heard me. He heard me with Evan. My cheeks flush at the realization our intimacy wasn’t as private as I thought. He waits for my answer to his question but I don’t know if I even know what it is. Am I okay? I'm not sure. Barely 48hrs ago I was fighting Evan off, and now I’m pulling him closer than ever. A lump forms in my throat and tears fight their way to spill from my eyes so I give him the only answer I know I can say. 

"I'm fine." 

Adam watches me as I shut the door and see my bed waiting for me is my copy of wuthering heights. Crashing down into the bed, I let go and let the tears consume me.  

Evan and I are running around his parent’s house, playing tag. Our dads are chatting work stuff in Evans Dads study as usual.

“In here kids!” My Dad calls out. Evan races off and I follow; I’m always a few steps behind him, he’s so fast.

The walls of Evans Dads study is lined with books, it always reminds me of the library from beauty and the beast. In the center is two leather sofas. Evan races and sits with his Dad. I go and sit with mine.

There’s a glass with a vibrant blue liquid sitting on the coffee table between us. My Dad hands it to me, but I shake my head. I hate the blue drink he’s always giving me. He tells me its good for me, but it burns my throat and makes me feel… funny.

“Be a good girl Ivy” he urges, pushing the glass towards me. I take it, and drink it down. It doesn’t get easier; it burns every time, tears roll down my cheeks.

When I finish it, I give the glass back to my Dad. I wait. I wait for the spinning, for the sickness, for the noise.

I look at Evan and he looks at me mesmerized. Our Dads are staring at me. I don’t understand why.

“Show us darling” My father urges as he places another glass in my hands, This time with water. I hate when he makes me do this, it makes my head hurt for hours.

I grip the glass, and focus. But nothing happens.

“I can’t do it Daddy” I cry.

The noise is starting in my ears. I hate the noise. It scares me.

My Dad doesn’t say anything to me; instead, he talks to Evan's Dad. I can’t hear what they are saying; Evans watching me smiling. Why doesn’t he ever have to drink the blue drink?

The noise is making me dizzy and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Daddy I don’t feel good” But Dad ignores me, he’s waiting.

“Daddy I REALLY don’t feel good” I insist, but its like I screaming underwater. No one hears me. The noise is too loud; my head feels like it’s going to burst. I grip the glass with all I can and I scream.

The water bubbles, it gets hotter and hotter until it bursts into a cloud of steam, drifting down in tiny droplets.

Evan and our Dads are clapping smiling but not I. The noise is fading but my head is aching. I try to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but instead, I wipe away blood… 

I wake up panting in a cold sweat. It’s been years since I’ve had a nightmare, but something tells me that they are back to stay.