Shadow wolves: A burning desire (Book 5) - Complete

Chapter 9 - The pain of the past.

Erik

Walking into the house, I smell the most delicious scent ever! I close my eyes to take it in. Dropping my bag by the front door, I know it can’t be dad cooking, so it has to be mom, and I walk into the open-plan kitchen. There she is moving around in the kitchen like a pro. Chopping and cooking and even humming.

Something has changed. I start looking around the open-plan dining room, then the living room, and see that there is colour in the house. All those old washed-out curtains were gone. We even had a new couch.

“No use in standing around like that, Erik. You better pick up that bag before your dad comes home and falls over it again.” Mom’s voice gives me a slight fright. I didn’t think she even knew that I was there. She was still standing with her back to me, stirring something in a pot and I walked into the kitchen. “Uh-uh, bag first, kisses second. You can take it straight to your room.” Wow! Did she have eyes in the back of her head? Do all moms have those? Aunt Meg is the same. I grab my school bag and walk to my room…

There are new curtains in a soft gray colour with neon green lines on them in different directions, looking like they are some sort of gaming grid. The old carpet has been torn out and there is a new carpet on the floor that is so soft, all I want to do is take my shoes off and feel how soft it is under my feet. It is black with the same neon green stripes all over the place.

My bed also has new bedding that looks like the motherboard of a computer. Taking it all in, my jaw almost drops to the ground and my eyes grow even wider when I see the brand-new laptop on my desk.

“Now I know your father told you that you could have a gaming console, but I thought a laptop would be better. Especially if it had programming software on it?” Standing behind me, she leans against the doorframe. With her arms crossed, I don’t know what to say when she smiles at me and holds out her arms. I drop my bag and run straight into them as if I am four years old. Unshed tears that I didn’t know I had kept in for so long starting to flow.

I don’t know how long we stood there hugging like this, but she kept saying loving, comforting words, never once failing to stand straight and hold onto me. When I finally stop and slowly let go of her, she wipes the tears from my eyes with her thumbs and smiles at me.

“I take it, you like your new things?” She tilts her head to one side.

“I love them, thank you mom, but where did they all come from?” I frown.

“Auntie Meg came around today and bullied me back into my old job as her assistant… She loves wasting her money on me, and she told me you loved computers. So, of course, we had to buy you the best for your room.” Mom laughs and I hear her laugh for the first time. I had always imagined it sounding like angel wings would sound. A soft, light, happy laugh. I can’t stop smiling when we hear the front door open.

Matt

I walk into the house, see all the colour, smell what I know used to be Fiona’s famous steak, eggs, mutton chops, chicken, and veggies, then I look at the living room which has bright blue curtains hanging in front of the windows. The kitchen has bright yellow curtains in front of the windows and I leave the house, trying to close the door as softly as possible behind me.

I bet you I just walked into the wrong house! Walking back to my truck, I see the house across the street with the green grass and the red postbox and turn around to look at the house behind me again. Dead grass, no flower beds… Peeling paint. It is the right house. It has the right house number… This is my house, but…

I can’t be that drunk!! I walk back to the front door and slowly open the door, peeking inside. Yup, the living room definitely has bright blue curtains and a brand-new couch, which means I didn’t imagine the kitchens bright… Yup, there they are, bright yellow curtains. And now that I take it all in, I see the new kitchen utensils in all sorts of bright colours… Megan… She must have taken Fiona shopping… Only Fiona would choose these colours…

And there it is… The neon pink fridge. Where the hell she got one this time… I don’t even want to know. I hear giggling around the corner.

“You can come out now. I finally figured it out.” I sigh, used to the coat stand by the door, I drop my hat and find it falling on the floor.

“Other side.” Fiona laughs.

“Oh, yes.” I forgot which side it was when I left, picking up my hat again and putting it onto the rack. “What is that divine smell?” I sniff the air.

“You know what it is, but you also know, hands first then dinner.” Fiona gives me her stern look. I give a little growl like a spoiled boy, making Erik giggle this time. We both go and wash our hands and when we return, Fiona has set the table and dinner is ready.

“When did you do all this? Or rather, aren’t you supposed to be resting? Or no, how do you feel? Are you okay?” I feel so confused, should she even be out of bed?

“Relax Matt. I’m feeling better and stronger than yesterday. Meg took me shopping today… As usual, her favourite pass time. I went for a check-up and Dr. M says I’m doing great.” Fiona explains and I nod knowingly. We sit down for dinner and I wait for them to get their food, while Erik sits looking at me and Fiona sits looking at him.

“Okay, this isn’t going to work. We can’t all be sitting here waiting for each other. This is not the Alpha house where we have to wait for Anthony and Meg to permit us. Let’s all dig in together. What do you say?” I look at the two of them, smiles slowly starting to form and all three of us reach in to grab some food. It feels normal, but weird sitting around the table discussing our day as if it was just a normal day. What each of us did. How school was. What Meg had told Fiona she wanted her to start dealing with. What projects Anthony had me working on. After dinner, Erik and I insisted on cleaning up, giving Fiona the chance to sit down on the couch and switch on the television.

She wanted to catch up on what was going on in the world, after not having access to any of it for so long. I made her a cup of coffee. Erik came around and kissed her on the cheek and told us he would be in his room checking out his new PC and the awkward silence between me and Fiona fell around us again.

“I think… I will go take a shower quickly so that you can have privacy in the bedroom when you want to go to bed.” I disappeared before even giving her a chance to answer. Certain things might feel normal and just fall into place, but others were still not nearly back to normal and one of the biggest ones was the relationship between the two of us. We were like two awkward teenagers around each other! Holding my head under the hot water, I hear the bathroom door click as it closes behind me.

“Matt.” Her voice is shaking, and I don’t know what to do.

“Yes.” I silently freak out!

“Is it okay if I… Sorry I shouldn’t have…” She turns around, and I can see her walking back to the door through the shower curtain.

“Fiona, please don’t leave.” I finally find my words and she stops. Her hand still on the door handle. “I will keep my back turned if…”

“No. I need you to see… I need you.” She sounds as if she is trembling, and I slid open the shower curtain.

“Sweetheart. You don’t have to do this. I know I… Our bond has been damaged, and we will need to find our way back to each other first. There is no rush. We will take it at your pace.” I tried to assure her.

“Thank you for understanding Matt.” Her eyes starting to tear up. “But I need you to see what I look like. No matter how hard it is for me. I want to get it over with.” Looking like a scared animal about to be attacked, she drops her gown and I gasp at what I see underneath.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…” I openly gape. There are scars. Scars werewolves would never have with our healing abilities. Her skin is almost see-through with all the weight she lost, and her ribs were clearly showing.

“I know. Do you mind? It’s kind of cold.” She points to the warm shower and I hold out my hand for her to steady her when she climbs in. A shiver running through her body at my touch and her eyes look sad the moment it happens.

“How about we take this even slower. I will turn my back, then you touch me as far as you are comfortable if you want.” I suggest. Her eyes are drenched in fear and uncertainty.

“I haven’t had physical contact in so long. I’m sorry. I thought I could, but, I just can’t, not yet.” She climbs out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her, she leaves the bathroom quicker than lightning. That’s why she shivers, i***t!! You can’t touch her. I was hoping that if I let her touch me first it would make it easier, but I now see that she needs more time.

This is not going to happen within the next day or two. This time I remembered to bring my clothes into the bathroom, but then again, it’s nothing she hasn’t seen. Climbing out of the shower, I put on sweats, my hair still wet, I’m almost too scared to walk into the bedroom. I decide to knock first.

“Fiona? Are you decent? Can I come in?” I sound like an i***t! Knocking on the bedroom door, from the bathroom door! I need to use the other bathroom from tomorrow.

“Yes.” Her soft voice comes through, and I can hear that she has been crying. Walking into the bedroom, I want to walk over to the bed, crawl in behind her, and just hold her until the pain goes away. But at the moment that would be the worst thing I could possibly do.

Fiona

Flashback

“Did you think you could escape me?” Emile pulls at my hair. I’m on my knees in the mud, rain running down me as usual, blood dripping down the side of my face after I ran into his fist on my way to try and escape… Again. “How many times have you tried now pet?” He sneers.

“I will never stop trying!” I try and pull at his hand before he pulls my hair out of my head.

“I think you need a reminder of where you are in the food chain!” He nods at the big bulky man standing a few steps away. Randy is the worst of them all. I am sure he thinks killing is a sport. Randy drags me off to the pole in the middle of the little village square where they keep their “people”.

Their drug mules and girls that they sell. He ties me to the pole and takes out his whip, giving me five lashes. I don’t give them the satisfaction of screaming. Letting each lash build up inside me, giving me more courage and determination to try and escape again.

End of flashback

“Fiona! FIONA!” Matt’s voice pierces my thoughts. I feel his hands on my arms, softly trying to pull me out of the memory. Hearing Matt’s voice brings me back to the present. “You were having a bad dream.” He moves one of my lost curls back and tucks it behind my ear.

The fear inside me reflecting in his eyes. I can’t help but swing my arms around him, holding on tight as my tears start running. I don’t care how bad it feels that someone is holding me. At the same time, I feel safe in his arms! He lets go of me, walking around to the other side of the bed, slides in underneath the covers and I curl up in his arms like I used to.

Tears are flowing as my body shakes with sobs ripping through me. His hands not touching me, he just lays there, letting me rest against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, his arms slightly away from my skin. When darkness finally takes me after all my tears had run out.