***
Our flight from Mykonos to New York was coming to an end soon, the plane ride smoother than I had anticipated- not that I could remember much. Between the sleeping pills to help me find reprieve from my racing thoughts and the girls insisting on sleeping on the bed with me, surrounding me with their warmth and comfort, I had crashed for nine of the ten and a half hour flight. My body was certainly rejuvenated but my mind was still a mess- although the noise wasn't as loud anymore.
Releasing a small breath, I stared up at the little lights above the bed that were the only source of illumination in the otherwise dark cabin. They looked more like stars and I suspected that Gia had everything to do with this new addition and not her husband, Damian. The man was many things but sentimental wasn't one among them.
Although he and I had grown up in the same circles- seeing as we were both from 'Old Money' and our grandparents were close friends- I had interacted with him enough to know that he was not only a force to be reckoned with but that he was also sorely lacking in basic social skills. I had worried for Gia after learning of her upcoming nuptials but things seemed to have changed between them in the time of their marriage and even before. They'd been deeply in love with each other in their younger years and the culmination of their bond had come to pass in their marriage.
Love changes people and Damian is no exception...
He had thawed, somewhat, for her and seemed to be slightly better at expressing himself and showcasing his emotions. He was certainly not a comedian- not by a long shot- but he was exactly what Gia needed. Their love was certainly admirable and I couldn't help- despite knowing better- but long for something similar if not more...
I never do anything half-assed...So that means that if I ever do fall in love, it would have to be all consuming...enough to shatter me and put me back together...the 'die for each other' kind of love....
Maybe that's why I keep meeting psychotic men like Rio...
I chuckled inwardly at the thought as I reflected on Damian's love for his wife. His fierce protectiveness for Gia was clear as day. He adored her and would do anything for her- and by extension, the rest of us too and I was grateful to him for it. Love was certainly the most powerful of emotions.
And so is Death, it seems...
Despite what I tried to do and how I tried to package it, death had come for someone I cherished and ignoring that would not take away the pain. I knew the pills I had taken had somewhat numbed the pain for me. Although Aimi used them for her insomnia, they also served as a form of anti-depressant that had helped with my despair- even if just for a little while until I got back on my actual meds.
I hadn't taken my anti-depressants to help with my anxiety and panic attacks in a long time but I knew that this season wouldn't be easy. Getting back on them was the best option to keep my sanity. I knew that this was the calm before the storm, the last moment of peace I would have for a very long time. There was a lot to do. The responsibility I was about to undertaken would probably be crushing and the immense pressure I was about to be under would probably break a normal person down into nothing.
But I'm not a normal person....I'm Elena Haren, the granddaughter of one of the most brilliant minds in the finance world. I am a Haren and we do not back down in the face of adversity. We grit our teeth, take a step and move forward. We protect our family above all else...right, grandfather?
Thinking about him threatened to pull me back under the depths of my despair. I needed a little more time to pull my walls up as high as they could possibly go. I needed to numb myself from the pain that threatened to absolutely cripple me. I had no time to be weak. The moment this plane landed, my safety net would be gone. I knew I would be plunged right into the deep end with no assurety of help. I would, most probably, be alone in shark infested waters with a bleeding wound in the form of my tattered heart.
Wallow in the black hole, for now, before you grit your teeth and become the woman you need to be- for the sake of your family...
Releasing yet another breath, I slowly untangled myself from my girls who had surrounded me on every single side on the bed. It was as cute as it was comical. And it was also the most touching sight that threatened to bring me to tears once more but I held them at bay as I slowly slid out of Ayana and Gia's embrace, letting them hold each other as Aimi equally snuggled into Ayana's back. She rarely allowed herself to sleep so soundly in these kind of settings and I was glad to see her resting.
She deserves this and so much more...
Tip toeing across the medium-sized room, I slid the doors open slowly before shutting them quietly, letting the cooler air of the main plane rush through me and remove the remnants of sleep within me. I needed to breathe, to center myself and prepare for what was to come. The lights had been dimmed in the plane, illuminating the path down the aisle that I followed. Although it seemed that the guys were highly likely still asleep, I crossed my fingers that the one I was looking for would be awake.
It was a gamble but I was ready to take it. I needed him, even if just for the few minutes remaining in this reprieve I had. Up here, I could lean into him. I could pretend that we were still visiting Gia and Damian's Island and touring the rest during our extended vacation. I could pretend that my stupid dare didn't exist and that he actually wanted ME and WANTED me. I could pretend that a man like Axle Gray was mine, even if just for a moment, and take comfort in the safety he gave me.
Finally reaching the main cabin area, I smiled softly at the guys who had chosen to make use of the recliner seats to rest and had left the bed to us. And who said Billionaires can't be gentlemen. My gaze scanned my right, noting Damian and Ha Joon's sleeping forms but I didn't have to search for long before a hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me down firmly but softly. I landed with a soft gasp, my gaze meeting stunning and sleepy hazel as I had expected.
I'd known it was Axle instantly, my attunement to his touch somewhat scary and impressive. He was impossibly handsome in this moment, his hair loose around his shoulders with a six o clock shadow that somehow added to his rugged handsomeness. His hand around my waist tightened as he pulled me over him, setting me such that I was straddling him, his hand settling on my bare thighs now that he held softly with light caresses that sent shivers through my body.
He seemed momentarily conflicted as he took in my silk short pajama set, releasing a small breath before one of his hands reached up and brushed my cheek as he abandoned what he was about to say.
"You should be asleep, manamea...resting. You've had an emotionally draining couple of hours and it certainly won't get better when you arrive..."
I knew he'd already surmised what I had and his concern for me touched my heart as I nodded, leaning into his hand as he lightly caressed my cheek.
"I know but...I wanted to thank you...for taking care of me back at the manor. You helped me and I...it means a lot to me and I won't forget your kindness."
A larger part of me was mortified that he had witnessed one of my most vulnerable moments. That's certainly the last thing you would want to show a man you were slowly becoming more and more obsessed with who was pretending to be your boyfriend because you hadn't let your friends know that you'd made a stupid bet. It all seemed so far fetched and crazy now.
So much has changed....Rio is certainly the least of my f*****g worries....Now, I'd do anything to have him be the only thing I needed to deal with...
"Lena...you don't need to thank me. I'm here for you, just as you were for me last night. And even beyond that...whatever you need, manamea, all you have to do is ask..."
I knew he was referring to his nightmare but his gaze also spelt out what I already knew. He would not be talking about it and I wouldn't push. His kindness in this moment was already enough. And so I reveled in his touch, both of us in companionable silence as his hand on my cheek moved to brush through my hair while his other settled on the small of my back where he softly pushed me to rest on his chest.
"I should probably get down...this must not be the most comfortable position for you..."
I murmured, a soft gasp escaping me as his hand on my back tightened a fraction and his lips found my forehead where he placed a chaste kiss that threatened to crash right through the walls I was slowly erecting.
"No...you're right where you should be. In my arms...."
He murmured against my forehead before we lapsed into yet another extended stretch of silence that was broken only by my slow breaths as I controlled my tears and my raging emotions. The tenderness of his touch was proving to be more of a catalyst to my already burgeoning emotions. But I wouldn't let myself shatter. If I did, I wasn't sure I would be able to put myself back together again...
"Its okay, you know. To cry and let it out..."
His words were so soft, I would have missed it were it not for the pin drop silence in the plane. His words almost convinced me to do it. To abandon my caution and just let myself feel everything. It would be harrowing, no doubt, but I would probably heal faster. And I would have him here to pick up the pieces.
It was a tempting offer but I wasn't too far gone to recognise a fairytale when I saw it. It was too good to be true, to believe I could let all my pain go and trust him to help me back up again. Especially when I was about to rip the band aid off and stay as far away from this very man...
"I know....but I can't. I won't. All I need is this for the ten more minutes...Just ten and then we can go back to being strangers to each other and I can face the storm that's coming..."
I was more honest with him than I anticipated but he deserved that much at least. His hand in my hair did not stop at any moment as he brushed through my hair, getting into such a calming rhythm that my eyes begun to get heavier. My body was lax, unable even to react to his next words that were whispered so low, I was sure I might have imagined them in the haze of my half-asleep state.
"We can never be strangers, manamea. I gave you a chance to run then and now, letting you go is not an option. Not now. Not ever"
***