My other half

7

Steve longed for the Ponies and the good old Prelims between the Trial

Horses, with Blood dripping from the Ropes, but when he picked up the

Pink Sporting Page in the Morning, all he could find was that the Sacred

Heart Academy has wrested the Basket-Ball Trophy away from the West

Division High School.

Base Ball is only Near-Sport to one who has whanged the Wise Ikes that

mark up the Odds. Steve went to it because there was nothing else on the

Cards.

One Day he found every entrance to the Park guarded by a Blue Burly

and the Crowds being turned away.

The Health Department had put in a Knock on the Game, on the Ground

that the Ball, after being handled by various Players and passed from one

to the other, carried with it dangerous Microbes.

The Officials insisted that, after every Play, the Ball should be treated with

an Antiseptic or else that each Player should have an Individual Ball and

allow no one else to touch it.

The Society for the Protection of the Young had put up a Howl because

the Game diverted the Attention of Urchins from their Work in the Public

Schools and tended to encourage Mendacity among Office Boys.

The Concatenated Order of High-Brows had represented to the proper

Authorities that, as a result of widespread Interest in the demoralizing

Pastime, ordinary Conversation on the tail-end of a Trolley Car was

becoming unintelligible to University Graduates, and the Reports in the

Daily Press had passed beyond the Ken of a mere Student of the English

Language.

The Medical Society certified that eight out of ten Men had shattered their

Nervous Systems, split their Vocal Cords and developed Moral

Astigmatism, all because of the Paroxysms resulting from Partisan Fervor.

Either build an Asylum in every Block or else liberate the present Inmates

of all the Nut-Colleges. It was not fair to keep the Quiet Ones locked up

while the raving Bugs were admitted to the Grand Stand every Afternoon.

Under the Circumstances, a purely Paternal Administration could do only

One Thing. It put Base Ball out of Business.