Lead Me To You

Kabanata XVII

Adore

I couldn't sleep and I am tossing and turning on my bed. I just did something terrible again and I lost control.

I woke up early knowing that I didn't really sleep. Sitting on my bed while holding the wedding ring I kept in my drawer. This is my wedding ring to Paris. It keeps bugging the idea that they wanted to start merging our companies. I don't know if this was the right decision I made anymore. It feels like I am being trapped.

I looked at it again and this is not a simple ring. It has diamond details with a gold loop. Inside the ring was engraved Paris' name and the date of our marriage. Same as his.

If I were in a different situation, I would be happy. Holding this ring and wearing it, I might be proud.

There are times when I feel like throwing it away because I just couldn't stand having it near me. As soon as I landed at Manila airport, I removed this on my finger. And never wear it again.

My phone rang from my bedside table. A call from Paris early in the morning. I picked it up and coughed three times before answering.

"Ciao Paris,"

I heard the crumbling sound of a gunshot before he could answer.

"Ciao Monica. I apologize for the background sound. I'm just doing some shooting." He said.

I see. That's one of his hobbies.

"That's okay. But isn't it too early for your firing range? If I am not mistaken, it's still five in the morning there."

"We're doing it indoors. I just can't sleep because I keep missing you."

He did not even think twice before saying that.

I don't know how to respond.

"By the way, I went to dinner last night with your grandparents. I came with my family and we discussed the merger. Your Nonno mentioned that you have been enjoying your holidays there. You've been to many places already." Pagiiba naman niya sa usapan.

"Yes, I did. I've been to Boracay, Siargao and Vigan. Those places are exquisite! I just wish that you were here so you could also witness the beauty of the places I've been to."

Ilang beses pa ba akong magsisinungaling? Sa tatlong buwan kong itinigil sa bansang ito ay tanging preso lamang ang aking kinalagyan. Boracay? Siargao? Hanggang ngayon ay pinapangarap ko pa ring puntahan iyan. Ngunit sa tingin ko ay wala akong oras dahil mas gugustuhin kong matapos ang kalbaryong ito nang mawala na ang mga problemang kinakaharap ko.

"Really? I'll be with you soon when you visit those places again. I just can't wait for you to come home so we can plan those things."

He said that I can take my time without him. He never broke that. But he still didn't forget to care about me. He's always checking on me. I can really feel his sincerity and his responsibilities as my husband.

"I already paid the credit card bills for last month. You can use the card again. For your debit card, I also filled it up so you won't need to worry about your allowance. I just need you to enjoy your vacation."

He did what?

"You don't need to do that. You insisted on giving me your credit card but you know that I will refuse. It's too much, Paris. I don't know how to use them all."

Before going here, he gave me his black credit card. He said that I will be using that more than he. I refused but he's just persistent.

"I don't care how you will use the card and the money that I gave to you. What I want you to do is to enjoy yourself and not worry about anything. If you want to go shopping every day, use my money. If you want to treat your friends, I don't care, use my card to pay for the food or anything. I gave it to you. So it's on you now how you will use it." He said.

I expected this when we got married. His money will become my money and he will not let me live uncomfortably. He wants me to afford everything that I need and wanted without worrying about the prices. He wants to spoil me. But I don't know if this is still right. I am using mostly his money in my everyday transaction.

"Thank you, Paris. I just don't know if I can really express my gratitude to you."

I almost cried every time I gave him my gratitude. He's indeed the reason why I can still live in luxury. He never abandoned me and always giving what I need. He became close to me. He's my husband on paper but he's my special friend in real life.

We talked for an hour and we stopped when it was noon. I didn't have a chance to eat breakfast since I woke up late and he called. When I went out of my room, I glanced at the door going to the library where Francis' office is located at. I want to go shopping since Paris told me to use his money. I just need Francis' permission so I can go out.

I knocked thrice and waited.

"What? He's not answering." I wondered.

I knocked again and waited for two minutes.

"Is he not inside?"

My curiosity will kill me so I opened the door. It is not locked and he is not sitting at his table. It is empty and even his laptop was not there.

I entered his bedroom only to find out that he was not there also. When I went down to the kitchen, the maids and Nanny Ophelia was the only people I saw. Where could he have been?

Did he also leave me here?

"Good day, Signora." One of the maids greeted me.

I only answered back with a smile while my eyes are roaming around to find Francis.

"Hinahanap mo ba si Francis, hija?" Nanny Ophelia asked.

For the first time, she spoke to me.

"Hindi ko po kasi siya natagpuan sa library pati sa kwarto niya. Gusto ko po kasi magpunta ng mall. I need to inform him." I said.

"Wala siya rito. Maaga siyang umalis kanina." Sagot naman sa akin ng isa pang katulong.

So it's true. He left.

"Umalis? Saan po siya nagpunta?"

"Maaga siyang umalis para lumuwas ng Maynila. Kailangan daw kasi siya sa opisina."

So he went to Manila without informing me. Akala ko ba ay kung nasaan siya ay dapat na naroon din ako? Bakit hindi man lang niya ako ginising?

"Alam niyo po ba kung ilang araw siya mananatili sa Maynila?"

At least that I need to know.

"Ang sabi niya ay tatlong araw siya roon bago makauwi dito sa mansyon,"

Tatlong araw? What am I gonna do for those three days?

"Ganoon po ba? Nakita niyo po ba rin si Carter? I didn't saw him at my door this morning." Pati siya ay wala.

"Nagday off muna siya ngayon. Hindi rin namin alam ang dahilan."

Ano ba naman ito? I don't have the contact number of Francis and Carter so I can ask them myself why they are not here. They left me alone here!

On the other side, it's a good thing. Walang magbabantay ng bawat galaw ko. Walang magsusuway ng mga ginagawa ko. Wala ring bubuntot sa likod ko kung saan man ako magpunta. And I realized that it's a perfect opportunity for going out. I want to go to the mall and do shopping. And that's what I'm gonna do.

"Kung gusto mong lumabas ng mansyon ay magsama ka ng isang driver-" hindi natuloy ang sasabihin ni Nanay Ophelia dahil agad akong sumingit para pigilan siya.

"Hindi na po. Hindi ko na po kailangan. Mabilis lang naman po ako at may kailangan lang akong bilhin."

Hindi na ako naghintay ng kanilang sasabihin at patakbong umakyat na papuntang kwarto. Nagbihis ako ng damit na komportable ngunit elegante pa ring tingnan. Sinigurado ko na makakakilos pa rin ako ng maayos nang hindi nawawala ang aking fashion sense. This is my favorite outfit actually, super overrated and comfortable. A high wasted black jeans tucked the simple white shirt paired with a black two inched chunked ankle boots. I chose to wear my Dolce and Gabbana medium sicily handbag in dauphine leather. One of my favorites as well.

Hindi talaga ako nagsama kahit isang bodyguard. Gusto kong gawin ang shopping na ito nang ako lamang magisa. Hindi naman marami ang bibilhin ko kaya hindi ako mahihirapang magbuhat nang mga pinamili ko. I drove the white range rover Francis had left in the garage. Yes, I know how to drive. Kahit palagi akong may driver, I still learned to drive.

Bago ako magpunta ng mall ay may nakita akong isang maliit na coffee shop. Naakit ako sa kape lalo na sa timplang Italya. I need to know if they also make same coffee as how I like it. I parked my car at the side of the cafe.

Entering inside, I already felt the ambience. The instrumental music in the background and the peaceful surrounding.

"Good afternoon Ma'am. Welcome to our coffee shop." The cashier greeted me.

"One medium cup of cappuccino, please."

"Will that be all?" She asked.

"Yes and to-go," I said.

I paid using my debit card. Since I am the only one ordering right now, I waited at the counter as well. The lady who accepted my payment prepared my order and she is a trained barista. The way she moves and makes the coffee, I can really see that she's doing this for a long time now. She has a lot of experience.

"Kaninong sasakyan ang nakapark sa harapan ng shop na ito?" Narinig kong nagsalita ang isang lalaki matapos itong makapasok.

I remembered that I am the only one who have a car that was parked in front of this shop.

"Mine!" I turned to him.

"Illegal parking ho kayo, Ma'am. May fine po ito ha." Sabi nito bago lumabas.

Illegal parking? Fine? No way!

Nagpanic ako at tatakbong lumabas ng shop habang hinahabol ang lalaking nakaunipormeng sumusulat sa papel na hawak nito. Tumigil siya sa harap ng aking sasakyan at dinikitan ng papel ang aking windshield.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

Tinulak ko siya nang makalapit ako sa aking sasakyan at inalis ang dinikit nitong papel.

Five hundred pesos? For a fine!

"Multa po iyan sa ilegal na pagpark niyo ng inyong sasakyan. Hinihintay ko na lamang ho ang truck na maghihila ng sasakyan nyo." Sabi ni mamang pulis.

"Bakit hihilahin ang sasakyan ko? Saan niyo ito dadalhin?"

"Kung gusto niyo hong makolekta ang sasakyan nyo, kailangan niyo hong magbayad ng multa."

"I am going to pay! I didn't say that I won't! You don't need to tow my car!" I exclaimed.

This is so frustrating!

Nilabas ko ang aking debit card at inalok iyon sa kanya. Tiningnan niya lamang ang aking kamay na nakaaro sa kanyang harapan. Hindi niya iyon tanggapin kaya inangat ko pa ito hanggang sa kanyang mukha.

"Ma'am, hindi po ako ang nangongolekta ng multa. Kailangan niyo magpunta sa aming opisina upang magbayad at kolektahin ang inyong sasakyan." Sagot nito.

"Paano ako makakapunta ng opisina niyo kung kukunin nyo ang sasakyan ko?" Tanong ko.

"Hindi ko na ho problema iyon," sabi niya at ako'y tinalikuran at naglakad na palayo.

Totoo ba ito? Minsan na nga lang ako magdrive pero magkakaproblema pa. This is the reason on why I have a driver. I am a careless driver.

I just hope that Francis would not know about this. It's so embarrassing!

May nakita akong taxi na papadaan sa lugar na ito at agad ko iyong pinara. Tumigil siya sa harapan ko at pagkapasok ko ay agad naman itong umandar. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang aking destinasyon at alam na niya agad kung saan ito. I don't know if I have enough cash to cover my fee. Hindi naman ako nakapagwithdraw dahil hindi ko naman makita ang ATM machine sa lugar na ito.

Matapos ang ilang minuto ay nakarating na nga kami sa opisina. Metered taxi itong nasakyan ko kaya alam ko na agad kung magkano ang babayaran ko. Hinalungkat ko naman ang wallet ko at binilang ang lahat ng baryang madudukot ko. Laking pasalamat ko na lamang nang maging sakto ito at hindi na ako nagkaproblema pa.

"Thank you po!" Sabi ko sa driver bago ito umalis.

Agad akong pumasok sa loob ng opisina at hinanap ang taong namamahala sa lugar na ito. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang aking sadya at masungit pa ako nitong inaasikaso.

"It's a white range rover," I said.

"It was towed because of illegal parking. You're going to pay for the fine and the towing fee." She said inclemently.

So I have to pay more?

"Yes, and how much is the total?"

"You're total is four thousand and sixty-nine pesos, tax included." She said.

That's f*****g expensive!

Nang dahil lamang sa illegal parking na aking nagawa, umaabot na ng apat na libo ang babayaran ko. This is not the shopping I imagined about. Hindi ko inaasahang sa ganitong paraan ko gagastusin ang pera ni Paris.

"Kailangan ko ng driver license mo... pakipirmahan na rin ito." Tinuro niya sa akin ang may bilog na kahon kung saan ako pipirma.

Binigay ko naman sa kanya ang aking lisensya.

"Hindi rehistrado sa iyong pangalan ang sasakyan na dala mo. Alam ba ni Francis Rodriguez na ginagamit mo ang sasakyan niya? Ano ang relasyon mo sa kanya?" Pangingilatis nito.

"He's my friend. He's friends with my lawyer cousin. They are in Manila for some business and they just leave this car to me so I can use it whenever I wish to go out." Pagpapalusot ko naman.

Hindi na naman siya nagtanong pang muli at sa palagay ko'y pinaniwalaan naman niya ang alibi ko.

Labag man sa aking kalooban ay binayaran ko na rin. Nanghihina naman ang aking mga kamay habang inaabot ang resibo. Binigay na niya rin sa akin ang susi ng aking sasakyan kaya pinuntahan ko na ito sa likuran ng kanilang kung saan naroon ang iba pang sasakyan na kinolekta nila.

Nang mahanap ko na ang sasakyan ay agad ko iyon nilapitan upang imaneho na ito kung saan man talaga ang aking planong puntahan. Habang nasa byahe ako ay iniisip ko pa rin ang apat na libong nawaldas ko para sa sasakyang ito.

"Never in my life that my car was getting towed! So humiliating!" I hissed.

Binabaling ko sa manibela ang aking inis at galit sa pamamagitan sa paghampas at paghawak ng mahigpit dito.

I yelled for a short moment to release my frustration.

Nasisira ang araw ko nang dahil sa pangyayaring iyon. Sana lang talaga ay hindi maulit.

Labing limang minuto ang sumapit bago ako makarating sa mall. Sinigurado ko nang tama ang pwesto ng aking parking bago ako lumabas ng sasakyan. Inayos ko ang aking damit at buhok at winaksi ang pangit na enerhiyang namayani kanina sa aking dibdib.

I will go shopping to brighten up my mood. I will make sure that I will buy all the things that will make me happy today.

"Let's go, Monica. Let's get started." I said to myself.

Humakbang na akong muli at sumasabay ang tunog ng aking takong na nagpapagaan naman ng kalooban ko. Sa wakas ay nakakalabas na ako ng walang bumubuntot sa akin. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam at iba ang kalayaang natatamasa ko ngayon.

Malayo pa ang entrance ng mall mula sa aking pwesto at nasa gitna pa lamang ako ng kabuuan ng parking space na ito. Napatigil ako sa aking paglalakad nang hablutin ang aking balikat upang mapaharap ako sa aking likod.

Sa aking pagharap ay kasabay ang pagtigil ng takbo ng aking mundo. Tila ba tumigil ang pagproseso ko sa mga bagay at wala akong naririnig. Isang lalaki ang aking nasa harapan ngayon at ang distansya namin sa isa't isa ay malabong mahulaan ko pa. Nakasuot siya ng jacket na may hoodie at itim na face mask ngunit alam kong lalaki siya.

May malamig at matulis na bagay ang nakatusok ngayon sa aking tagiliran dahilan ng labis na pagdurugo ko sa parteng iyon. Ang aking paghinga ay sinasabayan na rin ng paglabas ng dugo mula sa aking bibig. I gasped for some air because my breathing became narrow. I held his shoulder because my knees are getting weaker and slowly bumping my body to the ground.

"W-who are you?" Kahit nahihirapan akong magsalita ay pinipilit ko pa rin.

Hindi niya ako sinagot. Sa halip ay hinugot niya ang patalim na nakatusok sa akin dahilan nang pagungol ko sa sakit. Hindi ko na siya kayang pigilan pang tumayo dahil nanghihina na ang aking mga hawak sa kanya. Namanhid ang buo kong katawan maliban sa aking tagiliran na hind tumitigil sa pagagos ng dugo.

Nakahilata ako sa sahig habang nakatingin sa mga ulap. Ang payapa ng mga ulap ngunit impyerno ang aking pakiramdam ngayon. Sumabog pa mula sa malayo ang sasakyan ko na halos umabot na sa ulap ang apoy at usok nito. Hindi na ako makapagreact dahil para akong naparalismo.

What is happening to me from this day?

"Tulong! May babaeng sugatan dito!"

"Hello? Please send help here at the mall. A woman is lying on the ground and she's wounded! Hurry!"

"Tumawag kayo ng bumbero!"

"Miss! Huwag mong ipipikit ang mga mata mo! Miss! Darating ang tulong!"

May isang babae ang lumapit sa akin at inaalog nito ang aking balikat upang hindi ko mapikit ang aking mga mata. Wala na akong maintindihan sa nangyayari ngayon sa paligid ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan nanggaling ang mga taong ito na ngayon ay pinapalibutan ako.

"Ano yun, Miss? Hindi kita maintindihan."

Bumubuka ang bibig ko at paulit ulit ang aking binibigkas.

"C-call... Francis... phone inside."

I couldn't think of anyone else to call right now. He's the only person that popped up in my mind.

"C-call... Francis... phone inside... bag..."

Whenever I'm in danger, he's the only person I want to call. His rescue is the only thing that would matter.

"C-call... Francis... phone inside... bag..."

I can't talk anymore and my breathing is getting heavier. My body is now feeling the pain from the stab on my side.

I feel like suffocating now that people are surrounding me. I cannot see Francis from the crowd which made me panic. My throat feels narrowing and the rise and fall of my chest are not normal anymore.

Francis, where are you?

I need you.

Please help me.

I need your rescue.

You are the only person I want to see right now. And if this will be my last moment, please let Francis be by my side. I want to be held by him.

"Miss!"

The last word that I heard before I could blackout.