54
Day 84, Wednesday, November 12
Dinner: Homemade corn tortillas with beans, homemade salsa, avocado, lettuce, tomatoes, rice. Family didn’t seem to miss the meat—too full to notice.
Waited an hour after eating, because that’s what our coach always said to do.
Standing at the edge of the pool in my bathing suit tonight may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I felt n***d. And ugly. And huge.
There were only two other people in the pool: a woman who looked like she was about a hundred, wearing a bathing suit with these big ugly red and orange flowers on it and a matching swim cap, and a guy who was maybe in his forties, doing really slow laps with a kick board.
And I stood there feeling fat and ugly and exposed, thinking, There was a time—
There was a time when I
