The Summer Of My Life

nightmare

I'm startled to realize that the door was unlocked. I push it open and find the house completely silent.

"Liam? Love, I'm home," I say with a smile on my face.

He's probably at the computer editing one of his projects or playing one of his favorite online games.

In my hand, I have a box with his anniversary gift: a new custom-made professional camera from his favorite brand.

I leave the box on the coffee table when I notice the hallway light is on. I walk to the kitchen, grab two glasses, and head to the small wine cellar in search of the wine we bought on our trip to Italy. It's his favorite, and he promised to save it for our anniversary. Confusion sets in when I see the bottle is not in the cellar.

"I could have sworn..." I hear Liam's laughter and muffled voices, making it impossible to understand what he's saying.

I return the glasses to the cupboard, and a feeling of confusion washes over me as I spot a Prada bag on the kitchen counter.

I kick off my heels and leave them in the living room. Liam's malicious laughter grows louder.

It couldn't be... I must be wrong. I pray to be wrong.

I walk down the hallway and see his clothes scattered around, along with red heels, a sequined red dress, and matching lace lingerie.

My heart races, and a state of denial engulfs me. Soon, it's shattered when I hear a female moan.

The door to our bedroom is ajar. I can see two glasses and an empty wine bottle on the dresser, which has fallen to the floor. I crack the door open a bit and my heart races when I see a female body on top of Liam, who's gazing at her with desire. His hands are on her hips, and the woman is clutching Liam's chest.

Her red curls sway with their movements.

I recoil in shock, covering my mouth, trembling. A knot forms in my throat, and tears stream down my cheeks.

"Ester, my dear, you're delightful," Liam moans between breaths.

Ester? My best friend? It can't be!

Disgust washes over me with anger. I push the door open and hate surges within me as Ester looks at me without surprise.

"You b***h!" I scream, leaping onto her.

With the force of impact, we tumble off the bed, and her head hits the floor. I punch her face hard, causing her nose to bleed. I grip Ester's red curls tightly as her nails dig into my neck. I slam her head against the bedpost, and I hear her cry for help.

"You treacherous Russian b***h! How could you do this to me? I trusted you, you filthy w***e! How could you do this to your best friend?" I scream with a hoarse voice, slapping her repeatedly.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I punch her face and shout with fury when I hear the sound of her nose breaking.

Strong arms pull me off the floor, forcing me to stand.

Ester rushes out of the room, and I struggle in Liam's arms. I punch his testicles with all my might, and he falls, groaning in pain.

"You rat! You said you loved me! You said you'd never hurt me, you promised to make me happy, you promised!" I shout, hitting his body.

His hands hold mine tightly, and I scream in fury.

"Calm down, my angel," he says calmly, holding my wrists.

"My angel," the endearing nickname that once made me smile now disgusts me. I bite his hand hard as it passes by my face, making it bleed. I punch his face with all my strength, and he screams, covering his nose with his hands, blood spurting out.

"That's enough!" He shouts and slaps me hard in the face, leaving me dazed.

Liam throws me against the wall, causing my head to hit it hard and crack the plaster.

Before his fist can strike me, I dodge and grab the wine bottle, intending it for a possibly fatal purpose.

"Get out of my house, you damn bastard! I'll kill you, you wretched scoundrel! Take your slut and get out of my life!" I shout, feeling my arms tremble.

Liam's eyes widen, and I threaten him with the bottle. The blonde raises his hands in surrender and laughs.

"I never could stand you. You're just a spoiled brat. You're not as hot as you think you are. And you know what?" He laughs at my expression. "I cheated on you, yes, I always cheated on you, I was never faithful. I've been with all your friends, all the models from the agency, except that stupid French girl Priscilla, she's a tough one... at least tougher than you, who was in my bed after the first pickup line! My angel."

I rush toward him, and he pushes me easily and laughs, shaking his head.

"Always so hysterical... one of the reasons I hate you," he says, looking at me sarcastically.

I wake up sweating and look at the open window. It's still night, with crickets chirping.

I can't believe I had that dream again. I run my hands over my face, feeling the shame grow. I hug my legs, remembering how I let my emotions guide my actions.

The feeling of being a failure engulfs me. I always appeared to be a confident woman who wouldn't be affected by cruel opinions and behaviors, but the truth was, like anyone else, I had my insecurities and fears.

In all my romantic relationships, my insecurities were triggered by triggers; triggers created by my partners, things they knew would shake my self-esteem and create anxiety.

It was as if they enjoyed watching me lose it, watching my suffering.

"You need to grow up." "Deal with it!" "I won't change because of your drama."

Phrases like these were always heard by me. It was as if every boyfriend of mine followed the same script of cruelty.

So, I changed. I pretended it didn't affect me, went through all the turmoil with a smile on my face while my soul cried.

Do you know how devastating it is to see your boyfriend hitting on your coworkers and saying you're inferior to them? After he sees you break down in tears, he comes back with the excuse that it was just a joke and that you have no sense of humor.

It's devastating for him to constantly bring up his ex-girlfriends, telling stories, making comparisons. Even though he knows it makes your anxiety and perfectionism worse.

Slowly, I got used to emotional breadcrumbs, to the scraps they offered me. It was as if I only deserved that, emotional misery.

And then, you start to lose your joy, stop communicating with people, and just sink into distractions like drinking and work, anything to fill the void in your soul.

My last relationship was devastating, managed to be the worst of all, and it completely destroyed me.

I lost my pride, destroyed my self-esteem, worsened my anxiety, and made me overly critical of myself. I never had perfectionism so high; it was as if I were trying to compensate for all the flaws pointed out by my ex, as if I were trying to be the best woman possible.

Staying in this room is making me feel too many emotions that I've been avoiding.

I decide to take a walk, get out of this nostalgic environment, and clear my head.

I go to the garage, grab the key to my old Jeep. When I moved to Rio de Janeiro, I left it unused. Ross always maintained it, and Rick used it for emergencies from his job or when he went to the lake with Oliver. At least this way, my beloved car wasn't sitting idle; it was the first thing I bought with my modeling job.

I had been entering contests since I was six, and by the age of ten, I was a photographic model. By twelve, I was already doing fashion shows, and at fourteen, I was doing commercials and small appearances in movies and TV shows as an extra or a special guest.

It was at sixteen that my career became internationally known. Companies from outside the United States hired me to star in their advertising campaigns and appear at their events. This allowed me to learn various languages and explore different places.

I bought my first car that same year when I made good money during my season in Europe. Even though I could have chosen any reasonably luxurious car, I had always been in love with Jeeps.

I run my hand over the car's steering wheel and smile as memories flood my mind.

I start the car and leave the Harris Taylor family property.

Listening to the wind in my ears, I drive at high speed on the gravel road. Peace washes over me as I feel the cold night air in my lungs.

I know where I need to go, my place, where I find peace.

I drive for a few minutes until I see a huge river not far away.

I park the car on the side of the road and follow the trail with calm steps. The sound of crickets relaxes my body, and the waterfall's flowing water provides relief to my anxious mind.