Broken

Chapter 4

The events revealed in Broken are based on a true story—my story—and are shown exactly as I remember them best to my ability. Writing Broken was one of the hardest things for me to write and began as a very personal experience. In one week, I wrote 56,000 words. In the second week, I revised Broken and finished the manuscript at 96,000 words. Over the next two weeks, I edited Broken as my beta-reader provided feedback. Within those two weeks, I relived every event all over again.

I am writing to you, dear reader, because there are a few things I wish to say.

All mental healing begins with awareness. Broken was written as the events shown in Part Five occurred. I had decided to do what I"ve always talked about doing: accept my loneliness instead of fighting it and become a hermit. With this decision came one simple question: Am I sure this is what I want? To determine this answer, I wrote Broken.

As you will see, I needed to remember. I needed to make myself aware. I needed answers that were dependent on a change of perspective. Perspective. That is what this is really about. Perspective. The only way I could gain the perspective I needed was to write Broken. This was all about being honest with myself and coming to terms with what I am.

I wrote this not to berate those who wronged me, to wallow in self-pity, or to help others. I wrote this for me. I wrote this to understand why I was what I had become and to decide if I had to accept loneliness. Broken is simply my journal that I wrote for me. The more I wrote, the more I became aware of how absolutely broken I am. Through my writing, I captured my state of mind and the severity of my mental conditions. I wrote this for me. I chose to publish it for you.

By the time I finished Broken, I realized three basic truths:

This third truth is what led me to make a very conscious decision. Broken is raw.

This manuscript has seen one revision, one carefully selected beta reader, and one authorial edit. My editor put Broken through two professional edits. That is it.

Normally, I would subject a book to multiple revisions, more than three dozen edits, and a dozen beta readers before even allowing my editor to see this, let alone you, dear reader. This revision/editing process is gruesome and mandatory. However, my perspective and mental awareness changed so quickly after writing Broken that, to edit this manuscript or pass it on to several beta-readers, would be to lose the honesty that I had captured. It is imperative, that I not change a thing.

I did not review Broken for story, flow, or characterization because I truly believe the more I revised and edited this manuscript, the more I would lose what I needed to present here. Near the end of my first and only authorial edit, I caught myself applying changes that I soon realized altered the psychological meaning. Those changes could complicate the process needed for diagnoses and my own awareness. More importantly, those changes could have allowed me to slip back into denial. I removed the additions made, finished that only edit, then cut myself off from this manuscript. I repeat for emphasis. I cut myself off from the manuscript. If the reading is rough, I ask that you forgive me.

The topics covered in Broken are difficult for some people. I portray a number of sensitive subject matters including animal abuse, torture, graphic r**e scenes, violence, strong language, and drug references. I do not sugar coat any of this. r**e, torture, and abuse are true horrors people live through. No dramatization was needed for this part, and I do not believe in softening the truth. Broken is brutal, ugly, and honest. It was not written for shock factor. It was written only for me.

If you are victim of s****l abuse, I strongly encourage you to speak to a therapist before reading this book. Not doing so could prematurely awaken memories you may not be ready for. The results could be disastrous.

As always, I thank you for your support.

Warmest wishes and may the kindest of words always find you.

Angela B. Chrysler