Can't Hate You

Drugs and alcohol

Elijah

Josh and I went to our favorite bar so I could think of something else while the others were still working on it and I wasn't sure how much this was going to help me but I agreed coming ere after he asked ten times..

The alcohol didn't stop me from thinking about her.. about the pain in her eyes when I lied.. and the hope when I stopped her to hand her the keys.. I was never going to forget how she looked at me.. even if she believed it for a second.. I broke her heart after everything that happened.. if I would've been her.. I would've killed me.

I was so dumb. Why didn't I tell her something else? Why did I tell her that I cheated? Why couldn't I just tell her the truth or that I had to leave the country for a while and that she couldn't come with me? I had so many choices but because I panicked... I messed up..

I was so pissed and mad at myself.

I never thought I would love and feel this kind of pain. I only thought it would exist in the movies.. I never thought it would be so deep and so strong to make you feel like you're dying. I Neve thought you would really feel it in your chest. I always thought people would be exaggerating but after feeling it by myself.. I couldn't even wish my enemy to feel this kind of pain...

I dient even know what sitting here with Josh would change..

Josh

I watched him and how he was drinking two bottles on his own. Maybe bringing him here wasn't the best decision.

"Bro.. don't you think that-.." he interrupted me and he was already drunk. I was worrying about him.. worrying a lot because I've never seen him like that.

"Ssshhh..." he opened another one but I stopped him because it was obviously getting out of hand.. "Elijah. Enough." I warned him but he just tilted his head and clenched his jaw. His eyes were red and he seemed like he didn't sleep a second in the past three years. He could barely open his eyes.

"I want to die." he said and closed his eyes after he took the bottle away from me again. This wasn't a good idea.. I thought I could distract him but he wasn't even listening. "Come on I'll bring you home." I said and stood up. I grabbed his arm and he didn't even try to free himself.

I was pissed. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing him like this... was harder than I thought to be honest because I didn't expect him to be in such pain. I thought he would be bale to handle it. I helped him to his car. He was so calm it was weird. I thought he was going to faint or fall asleep on his feet and that made me worry more.

He was just standing in front of his car with the bottle in his car, staring at the dark sky with the bright moon.

Elijah

The moon...

"f**k YOU!"

Josh

"Elijah..." I wanted to stop him from getting aggressive and emotional but before I could even try he hit the bottle against his car and it broke in a million pieces. He freaked out again and I hoped I could handle it without the boys. Damn he was difficult and I could understand him but he needed to be patient..

"I'LL KILL HIM! HE'S WALKING AROUND WITH MY BABYGIRL?!" he got into his car but I stopped him before he could turn the engine on. "YOU'RE DRUNK! YOU CANT DRIVE!" I screamed leaning into the car from his window.

He made me panic. His behavior made me panic because I was afraid he would do something stupid and ruin everything that we've planned until that moment.

He was breathing really fast. I grabbed his arm but he freed his self. "SHE'S MY BABYGIRL!" he creamed and I needed a second to calm down.

I took a deep breath.

"GET OUT OF YOUR f*****g CAR NOW!" I screamed at him but he was so stubborn that I was so close to punch him so he would get himself back together.. "I'LL GO AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!" he turned the engine on but then his moves got slower and he closed his eyes slowly.. "Oh my god.." he said and opened the door after I stepped aside.. then he threw up and I just waited.

He threw up. It wasn't the first time he threw up because he drank too much ad he deserved it. He was acting childish. He needed to be strong for her no matter how much she was hating him in the meanwhile. I was sure she would never start something with another guy because I saw how she looked at my bro.

When he was done I helped him over to the other side and he fell asleep before I drove off the parking space.

Melissa

On the other day I woke up with the baddest headache ever. I felt horrible and of course I had to throw up again. My whole body was shaking and I felt like I didn't sleep the night. What happened? Why did I keep throwing up? This time it was because of the drugs. All this poison was leaving my body and I was getting sick. I could feel it. Probably catching a cold or something. I could barely remember what happened but I knew I had fun..

As I looked into he mirror I saw that the darkness under my eyes. That was scary as hell and I realized that I was still so damn horny..

"Fuck..."

How did I even came back? Like how did I land here in Charlie's bed again after yesterday? Maybe it all was just a bad dream.. I hoped it was but at the same time I was afraid of it..

With a quick thought I rushed out and my car was standing on it's spot. That confused me even more because if I remember correctly I left my car in front of King's building.. how did it come here? Maybe he brought it this morning.

"You're finally going to tell me what happened?" I heard Charlie's voice behind me and flinched because I didn't expect it..

"Uhm... maybe later." I tried not to look at her but I knew she was pissed and I felt sorry because she had every right to be pissed. She wanted to take care of me and I was doing such stupid things. If she would've known what I've done the day before she would kick me out and never talk to me. After everything that happened I realized how mature she was.. the old Charlie would think it's cool but the new version.. was mature enough to realize what was wrong and what was right...

"Why? Are you going to meet him again?" she asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest. I looked at her eyes widened. How did she... "I.." I didn't know what to say.. she was so angry.

"Melissa what are you doing with him?"

I looked at the ground still totally confused not knowing what to answer or do..

"Do you have a weakness for gang leaders!?" she raised her voice and I looked up at her with a dropped jaw. I wasn't sure if she knew about Elijah but even the fact that she said it made me feel very uncomfortable.

I walked past her with quick steps hoping I could avoid her questions..

"I know what I'm doing."

"Don't do something you'll regret later.."

Her voice was so clam like she gave up.. like she was disappointed and that really hurt. I looked over my shoulder. "Thank you for caring..." I wished I could show her more affection but I was feeling really awful..

As soon as I was back upstairs in her room I called Kingston. All I wanted was Elijah in that moment... I wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright., I wanted him to kiss my forehead and smile at me to comfort me but since he wasn't there and that would never happen I needed to move on...

He picked up as I was almost crying. I held my tears back and I didn't even know why but I had this huge urge to cry. I couldn't fight against it. The drugs made me feel like s**t.

"Kingston..?"

"What happened?"

"I don't feel good. I'm shaking and I threw up.. I'm so aggressive and anxious, is that normal?" my voice cracked and I tried to calm down. Everything was going to be alright. My body was just a little overwhelmed.

He took a deep breath.

"I'm coming." he hung up and I sat down on Charlie's bed and began to cry. I began to cry and let everything out. I never felt that uncomfortable in my life. On one hand I felt like I never wanted to have anything to do with Kingston and drugs again but on the other hand I wanted more and I wanted to see him because of a reason that I couldn't even explain myself..

I also cried again because of Elijah. I just let it out.

Charlie

I wasn't sure what she was doing and what she was planning but something happened and Elijah had to know about this no matter if she wanted or not. She wasn't on a good way and even if it meant that I was going to do her dirty, I needed to tell him about the things that were going on.

I couldn't believe he cheated but even if he did, he needed to care about her at least a little bit and stop this behavior..

The door bell rang and as I opened the door my blood began to boil.

"What are YOU doing here?" he came in before I told him to and he seemed worried what made me worry..

"Where's Melissa?" he asked me looking around like it would be his own house but after last night I can understand that he thinks it would be okay. "Why do you think I would tell you that?" I asked totally pissed. I prayed that she wouldn't have anything to do with him or try to find him after I saw what she searched on the internet but now.. there was no turning back.

He rushed upstairs and I clenched my jaw because nobody was taking me serious and I dint like that he was in my house..

Melissa

I was just rubbing my eyes when I saw him coming in and I don't know why but I felt relieved.. a little bit at least.. "How do you feel?" he asked walking towards me and he seemed worried. That surprised me. Even the fact that he came surprised me. I was just too curious about what happened last night and I hoped he was going to tell me.. even if I wasn't ready to her everything.

I took a deep shaking breath. "Like a mess.." I finally answered.

He sat down next to me and looked at me. "I know how you feel but you'll get used to it."

He was so serious like he didn't even laughed like he did it always. It comforted me to know that he wasn't seeing this as a game or something that he could make fun of. He wiped my tears away.

"I..-I don't know what do to.. I feel so uncomfortable, I just want to throw up and crawl into a corner.. I'm so exhausted but on the other hand I could die because I want more!" I was talking slowly with a shaking voice that was threatening to crack.

He squeezed my hair behind my ear and put his palm onto my cheek.

"I know how you feel but don't worry it'll get better. I'll bring you a water now. Calm down a little bit." he said and left the room while I was shocked about how much he cared. I was scared that this was a trick or something but when he came down with a glass of water it didn't seem like a trick.

He perched in front of me so he could look up to me and after I drank a little bit I covered my face with my hands while my elbows were leaned onto my knees.. I felt his hand on my leg and how he was stroking me with his thumb and it was surprisingly comforting and calming so I didn't tell him to stop. I don't even know why but the fact that he was there made me feel better. Maybe I liked that he was showing interest, that he was there, maybe I wanted to forget Elijah.. maybe I just wanted to meet someone else, maybe I was just stupid or had no reason and just wanted him here.. because I wanted him here.

Then I left myself fall back. "What do I have to do to feel better?" I asked and he sighed when he let himself fall down next to me. We stared at the blank ceiling. "You could go running to sweat it out or drink a lot of water.. drink a tea or take a hot shower.." he answered and I looked at him. "And then?"

"I'll probably do it again and feel the same." I continued and ran my hand trough my hair.

"And I'm so horny.." I admitted adding and holding onto the sheets. He laughed and said "I can help you with that..."

I raised a brow at him. No one is allowed to touch my body except Elijah. Lord if I was going to keep living like that even after we split then I was probably going to never be touched again.

I distracted him.

"I want to control myself."

He kept looking at me. "You don't need to be addicted. I'll give you some when I feel like you need it." he said and I raised a brow at what he said. "When you feel it?"

"Yeah. I can control you." he liked controlling things and people.. I leaned on my elbow and looked at him from above and asked "What if I don't want to be controlled by you?"

I liked the way he looked at me and that was not good because it was doing something to me but it shouldn't because I was loving Elijah -what needed to stop- and I was confused so I wasn't going to do anything that I would regret later.. I was going to listen to Charlie.

Instead of answering he kept staring at me for a while. He was only breathing calmly with. a tiny smile on the corner of his lips.

"Would you slap me if I would kiss you?" he asked and caught me off guard. I looked at him eyes widened but slowly bent down to him then.. "No..." I said and he slowly leaned in but I grabbed his face gently and squeezed it a second before our lips touched. "I would punch you."

He laughed and slowly stood up. I looked up at him.

"I have to go. Do you feel better?" he asked and I looked at the ground. I wasn't feeling better. Even if he was doing a great job in distracting me.. I still felt awful..

There was this part of me.. that didn't want him to leave..

"I'll stay if you don't feel good.." he said and I needed to control myself. I slowly sat up.

I did want him to stay but I decided to go running later to get myself back together a little bit and obviously he did make me calm down..

"No.. thank you. You helped enough.." I said instead of stopping him... he just winked and left...