Can't Hate You

A little space

Sun

I knew that this was going to be the most awkward conversation ever because we still didn’t talk about everything.. that made things really really awkward between us...

We sat down on the edge of my bed. In silence.. I really had enough of freaking out and screaming at each other. That wasn’t going to help us.. it was making everything worse. We only needed to find the right words.

He cleared his throat and I pressured my lips...

“So.. I'm going to meet your boyfriend, huh..?” he asked and I knew that this was really uncomfortable for him too.. It was one of the themes we have never talked about before. That’s why it felt like we were two strangers. I nodded.. “Yes.. I still can't believe that it's okay for you..” I said looking down at my hands that were laying in my lap. He sighed. “I’m giving him a chance only because of you..” it sounded like someone else was talking. Not him..

“Do you really want it or are you only doing it because mom convinced you?” I asked and he looked at me after a few seconds.

“I really want that.” that was a lie. Definitely.

Elijah

That was a lie. I still wanted to rip his head off for stealing my little girls heart but Melissa was right and I needed to chill a little bit. If I would keep telling her to stay away from him, she would only want him more because it was fun to make me go crazy..

And I really didn't wanted to make her run away. If she was really loving someone.. then with my support because I loved her too much to disappoint her or see her sad. That would be too much for my cold heart. She shouldn’t feel like running away or staying away from us so she could be with him.

“Look princess.. I thought about it.. and if he really makes you happy.. I don't want to bother and get between you.. you need to figure it out on yourself and make your own experiences..” I looked away because it made me sad how fast she was growing up. She was still so tiny and she was always going to be tiny in my eyes. That she had a boyfriend seemed so unreal to me..

I wasn’t sure what type of guy he was that he made her as happy as Melissa said but I had to accept it if it was right. If he was going to break her heart or hurt her in any way.. I was going to do things to him that he couldn’t even imagine.

“I don't know if you're joking or not.. but this sounds unreal.” she said a little confused and overwhelmed. Somehow it hurt that she couldn’t believe that I was supporting her.. it showed how difficult and mean I’ve actually been all the time and I didn’t want to make this between us worse.. I wanted it to be like it was back then when she was a little still a kid... “I'm not joking. I really want to meet him.” This time I was honest. I wanted to see what he was like.. if he was good enough. If he could protect her and be a real man. I wasn’t going to let a little b***h ass use her. I wasn’t going to let anybody use her.

“So it's okay for you that I'm dating him?” she asked and I winced. I hated that word. 'Dating'. I hated imagining her ‘dating’ a boy. That word should’ve been illegal. “It’s not okay for me.. I’ll never get used to it.. but I’m trying. I promise.” I said and saw how she smiled. That was enough for me. Her smile was all I needed. I could see how happy she was about it.. doing her that little favor wasn’t hat bad.

She hugged me and I melted. My little princess...

“I really appreciate that dad!” she said and backed off with her smiling eyes. She was really making me emotional. Just when I wanted to stand up she stopped me. “Wait.. I.. wanted to apologize for being so bratty and disrespectful.. I know that’s not me..” she said and looked into my eyes. I knew how hard this was for her and that she was really feeling bad about it.. I wasn’t going to make her feel guilty for something.. I already forgot about it.

“It’s okay. Don’t break your head about it.” I said and kissed her forehead.

“And one thing.. don’t let him use you.” I said looking straight into her eyes. We both knew what I meant and I knew that she understood me. She looked at me for a few seconds and nodded smiling.

Sun

The things that happened in these minutes almost made me believe that nothing around me was real. That he wasn’t real.. the dad that I knew would’ve never been so soft and understanding. He wasn’t cold or strict.. not a bit. That confused me and I couldn’t believe it but it was real.

“But.. I swear to god if he breaks your heart I-..” I cut him off before his anger would come back and he would change his mind. “Okay! He knows that!” I said laughing. “What do you mean with he knows that?” he asked a little confused. I knew that he was assuming that i told Dean something that I should’ve kept to myself but that wasn’t true. “He's kinda afraid of you.. I mean who isn't..” I answered and he smiled proudly. “Good.”

Then he took a deep breath and said “You can go back to school tomorrow if you want to.”. I gasped for air and looked at him eyes widened. I didn’t expect that and it was a little ironic that he needed to allow me to go to school. But that didn’t matter anymore. I missed school and Chloe.. there was still a lot I needed to tell her.. and I definitely needed to make everything up to her.. “Yay!” I clapped and he kept smiling at me.

Then he stood up.

“I would like to hear about how much you love him and all that girly stuff but..” he walked backwards towards the door. “That's your mom's job.” he said as if he would be totally glad that he didn’t have to do it. I laughed and he laughed too.

Then he walked out and before he closed the door I said “Dad I love you!” but didn’t hear me and left. That made me feel kinda lonely and sad.. either people weren't hearing it when I said 'I love you' or they were just trying to avoid saying it back.

Moon

At school we started telling everyone about the party. Instead of sleeping we spent the night with planning that spectacular party. It was going to be a huge event and everyone needed to know about it. We needed as much people as we could get. Nobody was going to forget it. Especially Skylar because she told me that her parties were always a casual meeting between her family and friends. This time it was going to be different. We were going to celebrate at our place. I already texted dad about it and he agreed immediately. His response was the beste response I’ve got in a while.

'For f***s sake Moon, I was waiting for this since you came to this world. I can finally be alone with your mom. ;)'

He was the best dad ever.

And the thing between Skylar and I was.. I wasn’t sure what it was.. we were just living without any pressure and I liked that. I liked her but there wasn't even a peace of love so I didn’t want to make a relationship out of it and she knew that. Let’s say we were friends with benefits and it was okay for her.

It was going to be in three days since her parents got to leave earlier for their business trip so we had to take the chance. It was going to be extreme. We were already too late so there was no need to wait more.

***

Sun

I still didn’t went to school the next day because I had oder plans.. that’s why I needed to get Chloe out of school as well. It was 3pm and we still had three hours but these three hours were going to pass really really quickly as soon as we would start getting ready so I called her.. it took a her a while to pick up and I thought she would just ignore me but she didn’t..

“Hey Bestie!” I greeted her hoping she wouldn’t be too mad although I knew she was spitting fire. “Hey Sun.” She was really pissed. I took a deep breath. “How are you doing?” I asked trying to keep it casual before messing up. “Oh really fine, you know, just convention school and the next class.” she said and she sounded a little harsh.

I sighed in guilt. “Can’t you leave school a little earlier today?” I asked grabbing my makeup. “Why should I do that?” she asked. Of course she was confused. “The premier tonight? Remember? We wanted to go.” I tried to remind her of the surprised I made her more than a month ago. “I do remember but I didn’t think you would remember!” she snapped. I bit my inner cheek. I almost forgot it but my phone reminded me.. I was really the worst friend ever. “Chloe.. of course I didn’t forget it. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been such a bad friend-..” she cut me off. “Yes. You spent more time with a boy that you barely know, disappear and don’t come to school without thinking about calling me once or telling me if you’re still alive.”. She had the right to be so mad at me.

“I know! And there’s a lot I need to explain to you, really! So much happened and you’re the only one I can talk to about it but tonight is not about me, I want to go there for you and to spend time with you, Chloe I really missed you.” I was totally honest. She meant the world to me and I didn’t want her to be mad at me although I f****d up really bad. She probably would’ve never talked to me again if I would have forgotten this night.

The silence made me anxious. “Please..” I added a little softer as if I was begging. I knew that she was considering to come.. I needed to be patient.. “Alright.. I’ll come over now.. but if something like this happens ever again and you leave me alone like this.. then you really need to think of something better.” she said and I loved her fake diva voice. I laughed and told her that I would be waiting for her.

I set everything up and as soon as she arrived I started telling her everything -without the details of course- while we got ready. I have her some clothes of mine that looked really good on her. We needed to look fine as hell because it was a special event. No need to be underdressed and we didn’t have time to go to her place.

My phone rang and I smiled when I saw that Dean was calling. I picked up while we made our final touches. “Helloo!” I said totally happily while I looked at myself in the mirror. We were looking fine as hell. “What is my babygirl doing?” he asked and I could literally hear his smirk. “Charlie is here. We’re leaving in a few minutes.” I explained. We didn’t text much all day because I slept longer than I should’ve and he was busy.

“Where are you going?” he asked and suddenly his voice didn’t sound soft anymore. It was more serious and overprotective. I got goosebumps but tried to act like I wasn’t going to melt. “To the premier of a movie that we’ve been waiting for, for more than a month.” I said and winked at her. She smiled totally satisfied and I wanted to tell her how good she was looking.

“Where is that damn premier and what are you wearing?” he asked and he sounded like he was panicking. That made me laugh. “Not far from here and.. a tight black dress with my leather jacket.” I answered. Was he jealous? Worrying? Controlling? That was cute. “You better not tell me that your f*****g dress is short.” he sounded angry but not seriously angry as if he was going to freak out. “No it’s not! Calm down. No worries.” I said immediately. “You better call me if someone hits up on you or stares at you for too long!”

I had to laugh again. I loved thy he was so controlling.. he said he wouldn’t change but he already did. He was caring and controlling.

Dean

As soon as we hung up I started walking back and forth in my room.. a little nervous.. breathing heavily with my phone in my shaking hands.

What was happening to me? That was not normal for me. I was getting paranoid. I was thinking of other guys who were going to stare at her.. or flirt with her.. I was thinking of what she was wearing.. I wanted to tell her to wear a blanket instead of a dress. That was definitely not normal for me. Something was going on with me and it was really really bad..

I felt the urge to follow her.. the urge to go after her so she would be be on her own.. good her best friend was with her but that made everything worse. Two girl who were looking really good, going to a premier with premium ass people and rich douchebags who were going to hit up and them.. that f****d me up..

But what f****d me up the most was that I was caring about this all.. I was caring about what she was wearing, where she was going or who she was with. I’ve never done that before and I wasn’t planning to.. I shouldn’t be giving a damn but I couldn’t..

It made me freak out..

I was going to wait until she would come back from that premier or whatever the hell it was.. I was going to wait until she it would be over and tell her to come here as fast as she could. Maybe I was going to pick them up so they wouldn’t walk alone through the streets..

I was so close to ask Blake to punch the f**k out of me or act up so dad would beat me up.

I waited and waited. It took four hours, one blunt and one glass of Bombay gin. I needed to distract myself a little but also keep a clear head when she was going to come. Unfortunately I was already a little f****d up.. but that was okay because I calmed down again. I was totally calm.. but also a little angry.. that’s why I didn’t text her but it took me a lot of patience. I wasn’t going to be clingy or annoying or say something that would kill her mood. But I texted her that she should come here after she was done there..

Dad and Blake walked past me a few times.. somehow their appearance got me even more angry because they turned back to normal after they saw that I was okay.. I knew that t wouldn’t last long but it still disappointed me.. and I felt lonely again.

My head was spinning.. and aching a lot. It felt like someone hit me a brick and my brain was a tv that was trying to catch a signal on a channel that I forgot about.. as if my brain was trying to finish a puzzle.. but the pic was still blurry.. something was changing and it wasn’t only because of Sun... it must’ve been the alcohol.

This pain annoyed me. My high blood pressure annoyed me. When was this going to stop? I didn’t even know what it was. I let my head fall back and started massaging my temples after I closed my eyes. I was thinking about taking a ten minute nap but my phone rang. I sighed totally annoyed and answered without even wasting a look at it.

“Yeah?” I asked not hiding how annoyed and sleepy I was. “Is that how you answer your babygirls call?” Sun asked laughing with her cute voice. “Yeah.” actually not but I was confused. Confused about why my brain was acting up and what was wrong with me.. what I was feeling.. I mean I always thought I wouldn’t have a heart... I couldn’t even control myself anymore. “I’m walking towards the door right now but you don’t sound really good.. I can leave if you don’t feel like-..” I opened my eyes and cut her off immediately. “No! Don’t move!” I said and hung up.

I stood up and dad came towards me. I started panicking again. “Finally your lazy ass decided to stand up.” he said walking towards me with his furrowed eyebrows. “Could you kindly shut up?” I asked with a fake smile. I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I was really pissed and he made everything worse. He raised his eyebrows a little shocked. “Oh, what? What’s better than spending your time with your dad?” he asked also pissed.. I furrowed my eyebrows. “Spending time with Sun.” I answered and his jaw dropped.

His face softened... but then he furrowed his eyebrows.. he was angry because he knew that she was mine. Not his. And she was never going to be his. He was just a creep that was pissing me off. None of his plans were going to work.

I opened the door and there she was standing.. in her tight black dress which made me want to rip it off and her big smile that made me want to kiss her..

The guilt that I felt almost killed me.. actually I didn’t like them both being at the same place but I wasn’t going to give him a chance today.

I lead her in and saw that Blake joined us too.. he smirked when he saw her and I really wanted to break his neck for that.. he was going to get what he deserved later.. She wanted to greet them but I grabbed her wrist her pulled her upstairs with me before she could say a word. She only got to wave.. of course these bastards waved back..

As soon as we entered my room I locked the door...

“What are you doing? I couldn’t even say hello, that’s really disrespectful. Is it even okay for them that I’m here? It’s pretty late..” she sounded shy and embarrassed..

If she would’ve known how okay it was for them both.. way more than okay.. if we would’ve left it to them.. they would’ve wanted her to live here.. “Don’t worry about it.. they’re totally fine with it.” as if I was going to give them a chance to be not okay with it.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and I looked down at her. She was hot.. really hot.. I never noticed how thick she was.. how dangerous she looked in these clothes.. her heels made her a little taller.. tall enough to kiss me without having to tiptoe..

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Something happened to you..” she said folding her head.. she didn’t seem angry. More like worried and confused... I didn’t say a word. I only looked away.. “That means I'm right.” she added and approached me and I wanted to grab her neck and f**k the hell out of her. I couldn't suppress my smirk even tho I wasn’t in the mood. She slowly leaned in. “Can I make my daddy happy?” she asked smiling with her big eyes. It was a dangerous smile and I got lost in her eyes.

I couldn’t say a word. I could only look into her eyes that hypnotized me.. we looked at each other for almost a whole minute.. it was like a dream that I never wanted to end.. like the first day I met her.. it’s like I already knew her my entire life.. like I knew everything about her.. and in that moment the pain in my head got worse and my smile faded.. she kissed me and feeling her soft lips against mine made the pain go away a little bit.. it distracted me..

“Yes.. you can do something..” I finally answered after she almost forgot about her question. We started making out and I wanted to get my hands under her dress so bad but I couldn’t..

All I wanted was to sleep with her. Not in a s****l way.. Only cuddling and spending time with her. Talking in a low voice about random things with her body on mine.. but first I had to answer her questions because I knew she wasn’t going to let it be..