Can't Hate You

Plot

Did you ever feel like nothing would be alright.? That no matter how hard you would try.. that you would fail anyways? That type of feeling that you can feel deep in your chest?

Well my whole life I was trying to be a good daughter, friend and girlfriend. I tried my best to be everything for them and forgot to be myself. I forgot to do things for me. I forgot to work on myself and concentrate on what's important for me.

But then.. after some I failed over and over again I couldn't take it anymore and just let myself go. I changes completely and allowed myself to be.. because of that

one guy...

My family hated me even tho I never got to know why. My boyfriend was cheating on me... guess I wasn't such a good girlfriend and my tries were unnecessary after all. My friends? They were just basic two-faced snakes.

At one point I was alone. I wanted that. It was my choice and I wasn't going to regret it.

It all began in that night...

Once my best friend Charlie told me that my boyfriend named Matt was cheating on me with my other best friend Kayla I felt something I've never felt before. It wasn't grief. It was a mixture of disappointment and relief. It was obvious that our relationship wasn't as lovely as it always seemed to the outside.

Sure I was upset. More than that. I felt like I was falling apart. During a very hard time of my life he was actually everything for me because all the problems I had with my family just faded when I was with him... probably because he distracted me with things that were only interesting for him. sometimes he got mad because I never wanted to sleep with him. He hated that I was one of these girls who wanted to wait because it should be something special. I just wasn't ready... that's why he did it with someone else.

Charlie wanted me to get better so she organized a little party in a club with some other friends. That was very kind and I really appreciated that even tho I wasn't n the mood to party. I couldn't understand how that was going to help me but she must've had a plan.

She was the only one who really cared. She was the only one who wasn't a snake. I could trust her with everything. She was a great secret keeper and one of those friends who would cry with you plus some Ben & Jerry's, sad movies and pj's or hype you up whenever you needed it. She had some features that not every best friend could have.

It took us more than three hours to get ready and I still didn't feel as amazing as her. She always said I'm naturally pretty but that night I just felt awful. Luckily she picked an amazing dress for me which made me feel less awful. Actually it was just a simple tight black dress which looked surprisingly good on me. So after the torture of doing our makeup and hair we were heading to the club and out of nowhere she told me that she invited some cute guys.

First I looked at her really shocked and disappointed because this shouldn't be a speed-dating night or anything similar to that but I couldn't be mad at her, I mean she just wanted to help me even if that wasn't the best way in my opinion. That was very kind but if she would've only known what she has done with that..

After a few drinks and some fun I was dancing with a guy who has blond hair. he was tall and handsome. Not my type but that didn't really matter in that moment. I didn't even know his name but all that mattered in that moment was his hand on my waist..

Elijah

Me and my gang were hanging out in the club. In our club. sitting in th shadows of this place was really pleasant sometimes.

I was shaking the ice cubes in my whiskey glass as I saw that girl... there was something that made me.. I don't know. I just wanted to look at her.

Then there was this boy. She was dancing with him.

I clenched my teeth and looked at Josh. He was my left hand. My bro.. He was staring at them two too knowing exactly what I was thinking. He never needed me to say anything. I turned back around to them and kept watching them.

Melissa

He pulled me closer to himself.. which was already way too close in my opinion but I thought it would be a part of it..

Elijah

He pulled her closer to himself and my grip around the glass tightened. I clenched my jaw..

Melissa

I felt a little uncomfortable with his hands running down my lower waste but I tried to show it off since it would be awful to be act like a spoilsport. After a few more steps I realized that we started dancing into a direction were the crowd ended.

I could see his lips move but the music was very loud so I couldn't hear what he said. It felt like my head was going to explode. Everything was too much and I didn't know what I should concentrate on.

All of sudden he grabbed my butt and pulled me even closer towards him..

Elijah

He grabbed her and my jaw almost broke...

Melissa

I pushed him away immediately and looked at him eyes widened. I thought I should stay calm because I didn't want to make a scene.

"I think we should stop here.. I really don't-.."

Before I could even finish my sentence he pulled me back to him real quick which got me very confused and overwhelmed. I tried to push him away but he didn't want to stop and that was stressing me a lot.

Suddenly he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the back door outside behind the club before I could even realize what he was doing. I tried to free myself but his grip was too tight.

As the door closed I began to scream immediately hoping someone would hear me. More I hoped that Charlie saw us and that would come soon to help but that way the wrong way to think..

»ARE YOU CRAZY? HELLO IS ANYBODY HERE, I NEED HELP!«

He was such a douchebag. His dirty smirk was disgusting me and the way he came closer was terrifying me. He grabbed my wrist with on hand and dragged me to the corner. His grip was so tight it hurt. I couldn't even move. I couldn't even understand how I couldn't notice him before. he wasn't just a cute random guy. he was dirt in person. I just kept screaming for help.

What that means? That means you shouldn't dance with everyone.

Elijah

They went outside. Well he pulled her outside but I didn't move one inch. I kept sitting there calmly sipping my whiskey.

»Shouldn't we do something bro?« Josh asked me..

»Wait a little bit more.«

Melissa

He already began to kiss my neck before anybody heard me scream. I didn't stop trying to free myself but I felt so disgusted by him and by myself.. I screamed, I cried, I punched him but nothing worked.. he began to touch me everywhere...

It was so awful I just prayed that I would somehow get out f this situation..

Elijah

I looked at my Rolex. Ten minutes since they've been outside. I flicked and Josh rushed outside.

Melissa

I tried literally everything but just like I said... everything was never enough no matter how hard I would've tried and I felt so embarrassed for stopping to fight against him. I hated myself because I felt so weak and I knew it was my own fault.

He slowly slid his hand under my dress and grabbed my thigh.. I knew that I would just die because I could've never continued my life after something like this so I closed my eyes still hoping that he would somehow stop or somebody would save me. It was better for me to not see what he was doing it.

Of course I kept pushing his hand and him away as often as I could but when he screamed at me I felt so tiny. He scared me. I could feel my heart racing and my blood boiling. It was a shame that I couldn't make him go away by myself. since when have I been such a coward?

I punched him again with all my strength and all of sudden someone just hit his head with a brick so fast that I couldn't understand how fast it all happened.. I looked at the douchebag who was laying at the ground with a bleeding head. My eyes went huge and my blood froze. I didn't even have the guts to look at whoever hit him. I was just shaking.

That was too much so I just started running away before something else could happen. I coolant risk being alone with another guy who was planning on doing worse.

I couldn't even recognize the person in the darkness who hit him and I knew I should thank him but just like I've said.. maybe he was worse. after this point I wasn't trusting anybody. I want even trusting myself anymore since I couldn't protect myself.

I was crying. My hair was messed up.. my whole life was messed up. I wanted to die and I tried to do it.

My family hated me, my boyfriend hated me, my friends weren't there when I needed them the most, some random douchebag assaulted me, I was weak and useless...

I was walking so fast and crying so quietly I couldn't even realize how far I've come with the thoughts I've been drowning in..

And suddenly I was standing on a bridge over a highway. I don't know for how long I've been standing there but every five seconds a car passed behind me and like a hundred every five minutes beneath me.

I was nowhere. Not only as a place. I was nowhere as a person.. my life was nowhere..

It was a perfect cold night to commit suicide. In that second I was asking myself if it was going to be in the news and what my mother would do if she would find out about it. If she would ask herself why I haven't told her before so she could help me, if she would be mad because I've destroyed her image or if she wouldn't care at all..

It was obvious that I was going to end up here.

Life was playing with me and I lost.

My whole life was worthless. Trying to please my mom. Living my life just like they wanted it. Being shy and innocent. I don't want to tell you the detail because this isn't a sad story.

It's just bad.

I slowly climbed over the railing with shaking hands which were wet from my tears and secretly I hoped I would slip and fall so it would be fast and painless.. The bride was higher than I expected and the ground was brighter than I've always imagined.

It was very windy and cold... so loud that I couldn't hear myself crying anymore and maybe it was good like that.

I looked down and started breathing heavily. Maybe my moves were stupid.. maybe I was overacting.. but I couldn't explain myself other than a stupid mess.

So I just closed my eyes and opened them again as I heard a loud car which stopped next to me like it would be a sign from god...