Can't Hate You

The scary parts

Dean

She sat down on the table across from me and started talking and I swear she didn't stop. I was already drowning in my own thoughts so I didn't even listen to anything that she said. I was thinking about her family.

I was so jealous of Moon although I hated him more than I hated this planet. He was just like his dad. They were so close to each other and their relationship was extremely strong. They were a dream team and his dad was not a freak.. His parents loved him more than anything else and even his sister was cute and loved him as well.

While my brother hated me and my dad was pushing me to the edge. Every time when I thought that I got a little closer to him he just pushed me away and told me that I wasn't good enough. For anything. It's not like he showed me that, no, he literally said it all the time and they made me feel left out.. I was really alone..

No matter what I did, I just wasn't good enough for him. I was fighting for him, I was doing illegal things, I wasn't caring about my life or my education even tho I had potential in so many things... I was doing every single damn thing he wanted from me without even saying a word because I thought that I would may get a chance to have a place in his heart. But that was never going to happen because that bastard didn't have a heart.

But I didn't mean anything to him. He would literally blame me if I would die one day even if it wouldn't be my fault. All I got back was "Dean you always will be a looser.", "You'll never be as good as your brother.", "Stop trying you p***y. You'll never make it.", "Why did I even adopt you? You don't even belong into this family.."

A question I've always asked myself. Why was he doing that to me?

Thinking about his words.. it really killed me like nothing else could.

People would say he's like this to make me stronger or because he can't show his love but that wasn't true.. he was just a f*****g psychopath..

I would've preferred to stay in that orphanage alone without my brother instead growing up with him or being called his son or being raised by him because there wasn't a damn thing that he did for me or taught me and I f*****g hated it.

And sometimes I was asking myself what would've happened if someone else would've adopted me? Maybe I would've lived a completely different life. Maybe with less money or a worse area but a little bit more family and love.. or friendship. A different life seemed like a dream. A beautiful dream that I was never going to reach. It would've been so amazing.. maybe I wouldn't have been so f****d up, cold, heartless and emotionless..

I couldn't even choose my girlfriend by my own because I had to do whatever he wanted.. I had to choose whoever he wanted.

I was so angry that my hands were shaking. I couldn't even sleep at night because of all these thoughts and hate that was going to make me burn everything down soon.

Not to forget his stupid exercises that brought me to the edge. He was forcing me to so many difficult exercises that I used to spit blood at the end or throw up.. Every single bone in my body was hurting. He even forced me to stay awake for days for the real emergencies. I couldn't understand how he could enjoy destroying me so much.

I was like this only because of him.. I've been such a happy child before he adopted me. If I would've only known what happened to me after I left with him.

I just hated everything around me. All I wanted was to scream so I did it. I didn't know how long it has been but she was still talking without taking a break.

At the end I freaked out.

"SUN SHUT THE f**k UP I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MY OWN THOUGHTS! AREN'T YOU TIRED OF TALKING SO MUCH AND f*****g EVERYONES HEAD? YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE THAT I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU, STUPID BI-..." I didn't continue my sentence.. I froze. She looked at me with a dropped jaw and widened eyes. Her terrified face made me regret it immediately. She also seemed a little disappointed.. but more like she didn't expect it.. like I scared her to the core..

She slowly stood up.

She wasn't sure how to act. I could see that. She was giving herself the fault..

"I'm sorry.." my voice came out so quietly that it was a huge contrast to my deep and loud voice a few seconds ago. She slowly backed off as if she expected that I would scream at her again.. "I-I didn't meant to... I just.. I knew you weren't listening but I thought I could make. you think of something else.." she seemed upset.. She kept walking backwards not knowing what to do.

I gave myself a face palm. I wasn't even sure why I did that... why I screamed at her. It wasn't even her fault. I was just so bothered with my own thoughts that I totally forgot about her. She had no bad intentions and I let my anger out on her. She didn't deserve it.. for the first time I cared about how I made someone feel.. not because I was afraid of my dad.. I just felt awful.

I stood up and took a deep breath..

"Sun, I'm sorry, I really didn't want to-..." she cut me off. She tried to smile.. but it wasn't honest. She pulled her sleeves down like always when she felt uncomfortable and I felt even more awful.

"It's Okay. Forget it. I'm sorry, I didn't meant to annoy you.." she said very calmly but her voice told me that I hurt her.. of course I hurt her. I almost called her a 'stupid b***h'. I really needed to control myself next to her. Letting it out on her wasn't going to make any of us feel better.

First I touched her, kissed her and made out with her and then I screamed at her.. I was great. She left while I still thought about how stupid I was.

Sun

I wasn't even sure why I was crying. I promised myself I wouldn't because I was crying for every little s**t and that was childish and weak but his words, his voice and the way he looked at me.. kinda hit me. I couldn't even understand why he meant so much to me... or his words.. why I was already so attached to him. He was really able to make me cry with a single word. I hated that but I couldn't control it because he was the one in charge. I was scared of him. The fire in his eyes... the looked he gave me.. the way he was breathing and the depth of his voice... It was all something that I wasn't used to..

I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath. And I realized again that Chloe was right. I was never know what was going on in his head and what he was going to do in the next second. He was so difficult but I couldn't stay away from him.. I didn't want to stay away from him.. even if I knew that he was going to hurt me really really bad.

His moods were changing from day to day. And I promised myself that I wouldn't talk that much next to him ever again because it was obviously annoying him.

Moon

To be honest I was kinda sympathizing with her although she didn't want that. There was no need to tell her how I was thinking or feeling. She slowly backed off and looked at me.

"Thank you for listening to me without judging me.." she said and finally smiled. "There's no need to thank me. Everyone makes mistakes." I said and I smiled back.

"You can talk to me whenever you need to." I said. Why the hell was I so supportive? Why the hell did I offer her my shoulder? I wasn't that kind and I never cared but I couldn't take it back.

My dad would've slapped me if he would've heard this because I was so weak. I literally hated myself for being so nice. He always taught me to be heartless so no one could hurt me or know that I had a weakness.

"I will.." she said and as I looked behind her I saw Sun coming. I could notice that she cried so I told Skylar to excuse me and that I would be right back..

I walked towards her and as she looked up she seemed very surprised or a little anxious like I caught her doing something that she shouldn't be doing. Probably because I did. She should be in class and not out here.

"Why were you crying?" I asked her very seriously. I was going to kill everyone who made her cry. "It's nothing important. You know me! I always cry for little things." she fake smiled. I raised my eyebrow. She couldn't hide it from me. "I know you and you NEVER cry. And if it made you cry then it is important. You're too positive to cry.". I was asking myself why she was lying at me. She was always telling me the truth. We were always talking about everything.

"Because of something stupid.." she said looking at me with her big eyes.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked but she shook her head immediately.

"Don't worry I'm fine." I knew she was lying but I didn't want to force her because I was going to force her later. She was a girl and I think in that age it was pretty normal to cry about every little s**t. Wow I felt like my mom.

So I just hugged her and after that she kept walking down the hallway.

As I turned back a round Skylar was still standing there smiling.

I could get used to that.

*Sun's POV*

I didn't talk to Dean for the rest of the day.. probably because I didn't see him. I didn't seem him in the classes and not even at lunch where I was with Chloe.. maybe it was better like that.. Staying away from him a little bit at least until he would down didn't seem wrong because I didn't know why and how but I just had the feeling that I wanted to be with him and I first needed to make sure that he wouldn't be so angry anymore..

He was that kind of person who actually wasn't caring about anyone else's feelings. I couldn't understand him. Because I was always so warm while he was cold... our school was full of jerks but I've never met someone like him before.. someone who was really so cold and so mean.. but still so perfect..

Boys were complicated. And I still needed to learn a lot.

So after lunch Chloe and I went to get some fresh air out to the back yard.

After a while I saw Dean sitting on a bench.. smoking. He never told me that he was smoking. He never smoked next to me...

I couldn't tell if it was bothering me or not.. actually it was kinda bothering me although it made him even more attractive. It was unhealthy.. but it looked so good..

He leaned back and let his head fall back to let the dense smoke out of his mouth very slowly and carefully. He closed his eyes and the way his soft lips opened almost made me weak.. the way the smoke covered his face..

I froze and felt some type of way..