WHEN LOVE TRAVELS

CHAPTER 6: Solo performance

After that night when he said "I was angry at you that's why I didn't call" — I made a decision.

I said, "Ada, no more."

No more calling first. No more begging for communication. No more pouring water into a basket.

I wanted to see what would happen if I stopped carrying the whole relationship on my head like a bucket of water.

So I stopped.

The first week was hell. Pure hell. I won't lie to you.

I woke up on Monday morning and my hand automatically wanted to type "Good morning, my love, have you eaten?" — That was my habit for 2 years. I had to physically drop my phone and go and brush my teeth to stop myself.

By 10am, no message from him. He was online on w******p. He posted a video on his status — him at work in Birmingham, wearing his warehouse uniform, a girl laughing with him from work.

He saw my status. He watched it. But no message.

I told myself, "Ada, hold on. Don't call. Let's see."

Tuesday came. Still nothing. No "how are you?" No "are you okay?" Nothing.

I went to work that day and my friend Blessing said, "Ada, you look fresh today. What happened? Did you finally rest?"

I said, "I didn't call him."

Blessing shouted, "EH! Finally! My Ada don get sense!"

We both laughed, but inside I was dying. Because I kept checking my phone every 5 minutes. Is it ringing? Did he text? Did he remember I exist?

Wednesday — Day 3 of my experiment. That was the hardest day.

By Wednesday night, I had not heard his voice for 3 days. My chest was tight. I missed him like crazy. Love is a bastard. Even when someone is hurting you, you still miss them.

My mother called me that night. She said, "Ada, you have been too quiet today. Did you fight again?"

I said, "No, mummy. I just didn't call him. And he didn't call me."

My mother was silent for a moment, then she said something that broke me and healed me at the same time.

She said, "Ada, my daughter, if you stop calling a man and the relationship stops, it means you were the only one calling. You were not in a relationship. You were doing a solo performance. A relationship is two people calling, not one."

Solo performance. That was exactly what I was doing. I was the drummer, the singer, the dancer, and the audience. He was just watching.

On Thursday morning, something shocking happened. He finally called. After 4 days.

I saw his call and my heart jumped. I almost picked on the first ring. But I waited. I breathed. I picked on the third ring.

"Hello?" I said, calm.

He said, "Ada, you have been quiet. You didn't call me."

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. You didn't call me for 4 days, and you are asking why I didn't call you?

I said, "Tunde, I was waiting for you to call. I decided to stop calling first this time."

He went silent. Then he said, "So you are doing competition with me now? Is that what you want? You want to see who will call first?"

Competition? I was doing competition by wanting him to show effort? I was not doing competition. I was doing survival.

I said, "Charles, it's not competition. It's just that I am tired of being the only one calling. If I don't call, we don't talk. Don't you see that is not healthy?"

He said, "Ada, you are always making things big. I was busy. Work has been stressful. You know I work 12 hours."

Busy. Always busy. But busy for me, not busy for i********:. Not busy for Snapchat. Not busy for liking girls' pictures. Busy for me only.

That was when I said it. For the first time in 2 years, I said the truth without sugar.

I said, "Charles, I don't think you love me anymore. I think you are just used to me calling. And I am tired. I am tired of being called 'the problem' when I ask for love. I am tired of hearing 'I was angry at you' as an excuse for ignoring me for days. Anger is not an excuse to punish someone you love."

He was quiet for a long time. I thought he would apologize. I thought he would say "You are right, I have been bad."

Instead, he said, "If you are tired, then maybe we should take a break."

Take a break. After everything I poured. After all the forgiveness. After blocking his ex for him to use it against me. Take a break.

I said, "Okay. Let's take a break."

And I hung up.

I hung up first. Me, Ada, that used to wait for him to hang up. I hung up.

That night, I did not cry. For the first time in many months, I did not cry. I felt light. Like someone removed a heavy bag from my head.

I opened my note and wrote: Day 1 of choosing myself.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS — The Solo Performance

My sisters, if you stop calling him and the relationship stops — it was never a relationship. It was you performing alone.

A real man will notice your silence on Day 1. He will say "My love, you didn't call today, are you okay? I missed your voice."

He will not wait 4 days and then accuse you of doing competition.

If you are the only one calling, the only one apologizing, the only one saying "sorry let's not fight," my sister, you are pouring water into a basket.

Put the basket down.

Stop calling first for one week and watch what happens. That week will give you all the answers you have been praying for.

Love should not feel like a job where you are the only worker. Love should have two people clocking in.

I stopped calling first, and I finally saw the truth. He was not busy. He was just not bothered.

And not being bothered is worse than being busy.

To be continued... What should Ada do during this break? Should she heal or should she wait for him to come back? Comment HEAL or WAIT and click #Vote# ! This is getting serious!