Time and Again

Time for beginnings.

Chapter One

I squinted into the sun and tried to see my way through the cloud of dust I kicked up as I drove the big moving truck down the dirt road. Pulling my car on the dolly behind the truck I moved forward steadily over the potholes and bumps. I was almost there, just a few more minutes and I would be home. The thing I had dreamed of for the last 8 years. I spent 9 in a state I hated, away from family, away from everything I loved. I didn't regret the past, it brought me my children. But I died a little every day I stayed in that awful state. I finally felt the sun shinning into the window of my soul.

My two boys had kept me going these last years, away in a state that felt like a foreign country to me. I regularly compared myself to someone coming out of captivity. My oldest son Grayson was 12 and lived with me part of the time, and the other part with his father. He was the main reason I had stayed there so long. I was completely overwhelmed with happiness when his dad finally said he wanted to move back to Texas. My little guy William, Will for short, was with me all the time as his DNA donor was no longer in the picture. I preferred to keep it that way due to the traumatic nature of our break up.

A giggle from the seat next to me brought me from my reverie and back to the present.

"This truck is so bumpy mom! Are we there yet, I need to pee. " Will said while trying not to bounce in the seat.

"Yep, that's Pops house over there, behind those trees." I gestured to the long double wide surrounded by a white picket fence.

"Finally! This was the longest car ride ever, can we just stay here forever and never drive anywhere again?"

I laughed at his dramatic expression. His six year old face still had the slight chubby cheeks he'd been born with, and his eyes went wide when he threw his hands in the air.

"Sure, we'll never drive, ever again." I laughed again as I pulled in the driveway.

The family property had been split up over the years. What started out as 99 acres my grandfather worked and farmed, was now reduced to 5 to 10 acre tracks owned by my father, and three of my aunts. Now, one also belonged to me. The best part, all of us were within walking distance from each other. Just like when I was a little girl and used to walk to my grandma’s house. She always had my favorite treats waiting for me, and the sounds of chickens clucking and roosters crowing always felt very welcoming on my walk there. I missed those days with a passion, and was so glad my kids would now experience that as well. Being close to family was everything to me.

Dad was waiting on the porch for us. He looked mostly the same except a bit more gray on top. His tall stature always made me look up, and when I hopped down from the truck I was taken back to my 6 year old self looking up at my daddy, thinking he was the strongest person ever, and that he would never change, I sighed slightly as the reality of age brought me back. His girlfriend Sammie lived with him, but she must have been inside. They’ve been together several years, and she has always been really kind to us.

"Hi dad." I said simply with a smile of relief on my face.

"Howdy howdy" he replied." How was the drive?" His southern twang drawing out his words.

"Far too long. Will thinks we should never drive again, I'm in agreement."

"Well, you'll just have to walk to your place then I guess."

I laughed at his witty comment, and walked past him as I realized Will had slipped past me and was peeing in the bushes.

"OMG son, you couldn't wait five seconds to get into the house?"

"No, you were taking too long and the pee just decided to come out."

"Oyvey." I sighed again and my dad laughed.

"Meh, he’s a boy, its fine. You’re in the country again sweetie."

"I know I know. I just don't want him whipping it out whenever he feels the urge. I'm attempting to teach civility." I groaned.

"Well, you can get back to those civil lessons after you get settled. Supper is just about ready, lets eat and go to bed, tomorrow will be busy with unpacking. I'm sure you guys are tired." Dad replied.

"So tired." I said with another big sigh.

After getting semi settled for the night and eating a great dinner made by Sammie, I couldn't help but think of what I had left behind in Oregon while I laid in bed. Will had passed right out beside me in the queen bed. He was snuggled with his blanket, his brown hair lying loosely over his forehead. His breathing was slow and even, and his eyelids fluttered over his eyes. I wondered briefly what a six year old boy dreams about. My mind wondered back to the recent past and the going away party my friends had thrown for us.

Libby had decided to make my favorite potato salad and fried chicken, and I had eaten way too much food in an attempt to savor every bit of the yumminess. I had made the bold choice to have a few extra drinks and was feeling silly. We danced around the room and listened to 90s hip hop, while we laughed and talked about all the ridiculous times we had shared over the last few years. Feeling extra tipsy, I stumbled over my own boots and fell on top of Libby. We crumpled into a heap on the floor laughing and saying "Ow" and attempted to get up in our intoxicated state. Half way up, we fell again into a giggling mess. Zane, who was watching us and laughing hysterically finally took pity on us and helped us up after a few minutes. Though he still laughed at our ridiculous state. It was all fun and games until I woke up the next day with a headache and huge bruise on my right hip.

"Still worth it." I whispered out loud to the dark room. I felt my eyes get heavy and soon fell asleep.

I dreamt of endless driving and a life left behind.

I woke the next morning to a sudden pain and pressure on my belly. I groaned and attempted to roll over only to realize Will had jumped on me and was blocking all my ability to move.

“What are you doing goofball! Get off me!” I grumbled

“Wake up! Poppa says wake up and feed me!” Will said with a laugh.

“Ugh, fine. Just get off so I can move.” I grumbled again with a hoarse morning voice.

“No way! Haha! I got you!” he yells in delight.

“Oh really?” I grabbed him around the middle and rolled him off me in one swift move, then quickly put my mouth to his belly and blew hard making a fart sound. He laughed loudly. I quickly sat up and ran from the room before he could jump on me again.

“No fair mom!” He yelled as I shut and locked the bathroom door. I finished up doing my business and stood before the mirror. I attempted to comb through my tangled mess of hair and pulled it up into a messy bun, threw some water on my face and padded out to the kitchen. I found Will sitting at the table with my dad eating a bowl of cereal.

“Hey, I thought you made him wake me up so I could feed him?” I asked grumpily.

“Well, I did. But that was just an excuse to get you up. It worked.” He replied with a smirk on his face.

“Or you could have let me rest from all the driving.” I pouted as I went rummaging through the cabinet for something to eat.

“You can sleep when you’re dead, but the guys will be here in 30 minutes to help unload the truck.” He said matter of factly.

“Oh yeah, that. I guess that’s important too.” I replied while shoving a spoonful of cereal in my mouth.

“Still not a morning person huh?” He asked.

“Nope. Mornings are for retired people, and those without young children who jump on them to wake them up.” I said pointedly while glaring at Will. He giggled.

“How about some coffee?” Sammie asked coming into the room.

“Never touch the stuff. But I wouldn’t say no to a Big Red.” I said inquisitively.

“Check the bottom, of the fridge.” She replied.

I walked over to the fridge, and knelt down to see the bottom shelf nearly falling over in the process. “Score!” I said while reaching in to the back and almost falling over again.

“Still graceful too I see.” Dad laughed.

“Shut it.” I said with a laugh.

We finished breakfast quickly, and went to dress for the day. I wanted to be comfortable but still presentable, so I pulled in some comfy skinny jeans and a graphic tee with ‘Mother Hustler ‘ written on it. I figured it would give me some inspiration and motivation for the long day of unpacking ahead.

I headed outside to the moving truck to find Will whining about going to the new house with us.

“Sorry baby, it’s not safe for you to be there while they unload the truck. But you can come over at lunch time with Sammie and see your new room.” I told him.

“HMMMPF! You’re not my best friend today!” He cried and ran off.

“Maybe tomorrow then.” I sighed to myself. Sammie laughed and followed him with a promise that he would be fine. I climbed up in to the truck and made my way over the bumpy dirt road to my new house left to me by my Aunt Dee who had passed away last year. As I hopped down, almost falling again, I noticed the over grown lawn. I glanced around and sighed in frustration but still with a smile at the prospect of owning my own place. The paint was peeling and faded, and one of the windows had a cracked that was taped over. The small shed was deteriorating and about to fall in on itself. I walked up the path to the front door and noted the overgrowth in the bushes as well as the wilted flower beds and made a mental note to grab some pruning shears and garden tools when I went in to town tomorrow. The porch would also need some paint but was in relatively decent condition. I was excited with thoughts of lazy afterwards in a porch swing.

I’m such an old fart. I scolded myself.

I pushed open the front door with a bit of difficulty, making another mental note to grab some WD-40 at the store, and stepped into a decently sized living space. The walls a faded dusty blue and the wood floors creaked under my feet, but a smile lit up my face.

“This is perfect.” I said to the room. “The paint definitely needs to go though.”

“Talking to yourself?” I heard dad say from the porch.

“Yep. I’m the best conversationalist I know.” I replied turning to face him. “I was just telling me that it needs a coat of paint.” Dad laughed.

We walked through the rooms noting different areas that needed work. The kitchen appliances were well past dated, and much to my chagrin there was no dishwasher. Dad and I discussed the possible locations where one would fit, but decided it might not work. I’d just have to settle for a lifetime of hand washing. “ That’s what kids are for.” He chuckled. I grinned.

“Good call.” I laughed again.

We peaked in the bedrooms deciding which would be mine, Grayson’s, and Will's. I decided to give the most privacy to Grayson since he was bordering on the teen years. We heard the front door open and walked back to the living room to find three men walking in. I froze.

Dad smiled and said “ hey guys, glad you found the place ok. Charlie, this is Mal, John, and Jessie.” He gestured to each man by name. My eyes lingered on the one named Jessie, feeling an instant attraction. He was tall, well over six feet, dark hair lightly peppered with gray, and a full but neatly trimmed beard and mustache to match. His shoulders were broad, and he was clearly well toned with callused hands. He was obviously a hard worker. He smiled, and I realized I was staring.

“Oh hi guys, thanks for coming. I really appreciate the help. I’m Charlotte, Charlie is a nickname.”

“Nice to meet you Charlotte,” they each said and shook my hand. I tried not to stare as I shook Jessie’s hand and quickly let it go so I didn’t embarrass myself.

Get it together girl. He’s just here to help. Not flirt. Sheesh.

The men agreed that John and Mal would go out with dad and see how to start on the truck while Jessie stayed in with me to see where I wanted things. Jessie seemed to be the leader of them, and though I wasn’t disappointed he was staying in with me, I was suddenly nervous.

Bloody hell.

We walked through the house and I explained where I wanted things. Jessie nodded and ‘Okayed' at the appropriate intervals. As we left one of the bedrooms I ran right into the back of him hitting his butt with my right hand and nearly knocking us both over.

Shit! I touched his ass. Its pretty nice, I might like to touch it again. Omg Charlie. Get your head out of the gutter.

“OH damn! I’m sorry. I’m such a clutz.” I said with a blush rising to my cheeks. Jessie laughed. “Its fine. Beautiful women don’t usually fall for me, so it was a nice treat.” He smirked and gave a soft laugh over my embarrassment.

What the…. Did he just say I was beautiful? I must be delusional, I look like I just crawled out of the grave.

“Uh, erm, uh…. Thanks. Sorry again ” I said nervously.

We continue the tour, and I tried not to make a fool of myself further. Jessie said he would do his best to remember everything then joined the men outside. I grabbed my phone and began a list of the things I needed to get on my note App, then made my way to the kitchen to start wiping down the cabinets and counters so I could wash and put away the dishes. I had asked Jessie to have those boxes brought in first so I could get started. I was determined to sleep in our new place tonight so Will could get back to a normal routine as soon as possible. I made myself extra busy getting the kitchen in order and the next thing I knew it was noon.

I walked outside to see if the guys wanted some lunch, just as Sammie and Will got out of her car with pizza and sodas.

“Oh thank God,” Mal exclaimed, “I’m starved!”

“You’re always hungry,” John laughed. I smiled catching Jessie’s eye, but looking away quickly. Dad and Jessie laughed as well. Will ran up to me, and yelled “Mom, guess what? Sammie got my favorite pizza, cheese with more cheese!”

“That was nice, did you tell her thank you?” I asked.

“Oh no, I forgot.” He turned and ran back to Sammie, “Thanks Sammie, you’re the best!”

Sammie smiled, gave his head a quick rub, and said “anything for my best helper.”

“Oh. Were you helping today Will?” I asked.

“Yep.” He replied, “ Sammie showed me how to make cookies from scratch, and I got to break the eggs. Can we make cookies from scratch too mom? I’m a espert now.”

“An expert you mean?” I corrected.

“Yeah, that.” He said and grabbed a slice of pizza from the box.

We all got to work eating and chatting, me avoiding eye contact with Jessie as much as possible. We cleaned up the mess when we were done. Sammie insisted I keep the leftovers, so I put the whole box in the empty fridge and added zip locks to my ongoing list of needed supplies. Will wanted to see his new room and surprised me by grabbing Jessie’s hand and dragging him in to the house.

“Mom, I need to show him where my stuff goes.”

“Ohhhkayyyyy….” I drawled, with a look of confusion and a head shake at his sudden behavior.

Jessie shrugged but played along with my six year old antics. I talked with Sammie for a few minutes about the things I needed and where the best place to get them would be. Will suddenly came running from the house yelling, “ mom, come quick! I have a mamergency!”

“What on earth happened in the last 60 seconds?” I asked while walking quickly in to the house.

“We don’t know which room is mine!” Will said out of breath. I found Jessie in the hallway laughing.

“Sorry, I couldn’t remember which was which. I might have been ermmmm, distracted, sort of, a little.” He murmured and looked at the floor. I laughed a little and walked to the middle room.

“I picked this one for you bubs, that way you aren’t too far from me. How does that sound? It has a big window too,” I explained to him.

“Hmmmm,” he said with a finger on his chin. “yeah, this will work. I can see the chickens when we get them, and brother can’t. And he can’t come in my room unless I say so!”

Jessie and I laughed.

“Jessie can play with my Legos and spend the night too. He’s my new best friend,” Will stated matter of factly.

“Ummm, we’ll have to see about that,” I said with a growing blush at the thought of Jessie spending the night. I turned away quickly and left the room. I could hear Will telling Jessie where to put his things as I walked down the hall.

I smiled at my sons quirky ways, and went back to the kitchen to finish up what I had started. Sammie came in to save Jessie from Will’s chattering with a promise of ice-cream and a movie, which Will seemed to think was less boring than unpacking, and they left. When I finished in the kitchen, the guys had unloaded the beds so I set to work making them up with sheets and blankets so we could sleep in them tonight. The rest of the day passed quickly and dad came in to let me know they were done. I went out to find the men standing around the back of the truck talking, and Jessie turned to me when he saw me. “If you’d like, one of us can take the truck back for you?” he asked.

“Yeah, that would be great,” I said. I gave the guys some money, with a little extra to Mal for gas in the truck, and explained where it needed to be dropped off at. Jessie came over to me, and asked “ Is there anything else you need, or could use some help with before we go?”

“Ummm, not off the top of my head.” I replied and looked at the ground. He was shuffling his feet awkwardly as if he were nervous.

“Oh, well. If you think of anything Ben has my number “ referring to my dad.

“Okay, thanks. You’ve done so much already, I appreciate it though.” I said with a smile and watched him turn back to his truck. I swear I heard him sigh.

That was weird. I said to myself.

The guys hopped in the trucks, and as they drove away, I heard John laughing and Jessie punched him on the arm.

Wonder what that was about?

“I’m gonna head home, why don’t you and Will have dinner with us tonight so you don’t need to go out?” Dad asked.

“Sure, thanks dad. I’m not supposed to drive again anyways remember?” I said with a laugh remembering Will’s silly comment the day before. We both laughed again and I headed back in to the house after telling dad I’d be over shortly.

Later Will and I got ready for bed early because we were having some jet lag on top of being tired from the trip and unpacking all day. Sammie and dad had made fried chicken gizzards and homemade French fries for dinner with a side salad and we all sat around chatting for about an hour while Will played with the new cars Sammie had given to him. Will decided to leave a few cars at dad’s house to play with the next time he came over, but took his favorites back to our house. He lined them up carefully on his bed, “The cars are gonna sleep with me until we unpack the other cars. That way they don’t get lonely.” He told me as I tucked him in. We said prayers together, and I left the room with a night light on and the door ajar so I could hear him if need be.

I finished getting ready for bed, took my medicine, and scrolled through my phone for half an hour before I finally started getting sleepy. I switched the lamp off, set my phone on the night stand, and rolled to my side with a big sigh. I curled up with my body pillow, and soon found myself dreaming of Jessie, and driving, and endless boxes that swirled through my mind.

JESSIE

I hopped in the truck after the long day of unloading and carting in boxes, my back griping at me. John climbed into the passenger seat, “Dude could you be more awkward?” He laughed. I gave him a quick punch in the arm, “Shut it man. I don’t know how to act around women anymore,” I said with a sigh as I drove away from the old farm house. Mal was following us in the moving truck so we could drop it off. I had suggested it as a way to make conversation with her, but my heart melted when I saw the relief on her face.

I wanted to talk to her more, ask her for her phone number, but I froze up like a big doof, and stumbled all over my words, completely abandoning my previous plans. When I had walked in that morning, I was surprised by her, and lost for words. Ben had asked if we could help unload his daughters moving truck today, and I had reluctantly agreed to give up my Sunday as a favor to him. He had helped me so much in the last 5 years, taken me under his wing when I was struggling mentally and financially. It was the least I could do.

When she walked in to that room, with her messy bun, and jeans that hugged her curves in all the right places looking like she rolled out of bed perfection, I immediately had to adjust my pants.

Shit she’s sexy. Damn, don’t stare dude.

My inner monolog had me rolling my eyes at myself. I rubbed my hand over my face to try and hide my expression, and not be a complete i***t. Later when she ran into me and damn near grabbed my ass on accident, it took everything in me not to kiss her as she fumbled over her apology and awkwardness. What came out of my mouth was completely a surprise to both of us and I beat myself up all day about calling her beautiful.

You i***t. She doesn’t need you fawning over her while she’s just moved to a new place.

After I dropped off Mal and John, I drove home and went straight to the shower. I could smell myself. I quickly scrubbed down, feeling too tired to stand too long, and dressed in my joggers and a T-shirt. I went to the kitchen and heated up a microwave meal then settled on the couch to watch NCIS. Half way through the show my phone rang, the called ID showed my moms number.

“Hello?”

“Hi dad! When can I come home?” my nine year old daughter Selena asked.

“Grandma is gonna take you to school tomorrow and then I’ll pick you up.” I told her.

“Ugh, okay, but grandma is making me go to bed at eight! That’s so lame.” She whined.

“Well, you need to listen to your grandma, and I’ll make it up to you with Dairy Queen after school. “

“Deal!” she exclaimed a little too loudly in my ear.

“Okay sweetheart, get to bed, and I’ll see you tomorrow. “ We said goodbye and hung up.

My mom was so helpful. Taking Selena on weekends to give me a break. She also helped when Selena was sick, staying at my house so I wouldn’t need to miss work. I don’t know what I would do without her, since Selena's mom left us five years ago. She had become addicted to pills after a car accident, and decided she wanted to pursue the drug life instead of family life. She never tried to contact us, or attempted to see Selena. She just disappeared. Filing the divorce papers had been a huge chore since it was completely one sided. I waited two years before starting the process, and it had taken a full year to finalize. We never did find her. But she had left a note saying she was leaving, and not to look for her. That was all we had. Selena was very confused and sad for a while, but eventually she stopped asking about her mom.

At 40, it’s seemed like finding another woman was too challenging a chore, and more complicated than I remembered. Though thoughts of a soft body next to me in bed were definitely appealing. Thinking again of the way Charlotte blushed when Will suggested I spend the night made me smile. Mal and John had tried to set me up with women a couple of times, but both were a huge flop. One talked way too much about her clothes, and the other didn’t talk at all. After that I had quickly dismissed any ideas of dating, though Selena regularly asked me when I was going to find a new mom. I tried to explain it wasn’t that simple, but she just rolled her eyes and reminded me I was getting old.

The end of my show distracted me from my thoughts, and I realized I hadn’t really even watched it. Thank goodness for Netflix, I’d just watch it again tomorrow night. I drug myself from the couch, my body complaining all the way to the kitchen where I threw away the remnants of my meal and wiped the counters and microwave, turned out the lights and headed to the bedroom. I quickly shed my clothes down to my red boxer briefs, and crawled under the covers. I laid in bed for a bit scrolling through my phone and thinking about that ass…

That was a great ass. I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on it.

I fell asleep quickly, and don’t even remember dreaming.