Daydreams And Little Stories

Coming back to you

“Why don’t you tell him?”, she sighed. “After all these years?” I questioned, rolling my eyes, “sure”.

She sighed. Putting the knife down on the chopping board, she walked towards me. I looked away from the red wine, staring outside the window.

“Come on…,” she made herself some space on the hand rest of the couch, rubbing my shoulder, “Management cannot hold you back now… And the contract you signed has expired months ago… he is out there not still settling down.”

I said nothing. Will it make any difference now? It has been ten years since we last contacted each other.

“Sweetie, you are still not over him,” she said. “I don’t know Prim,” I shook my head, “What if…,” I paused. “I have a baby now. And I am the only parent she has got.”

She sighed again, getting up and walking back to the kitchen island. “At least think about it, all right?” I nodded reluctantly.

One day I was scrolling down Twitter to find a tweet saying Henry was back touring in the city a few kilometers away from mine. My heart skipped a beat. Should I visit him? Or would it be a bad thing to do so after all these years? I went through our last conversations. It was still there… all of it. From the very beginning. The last text from him always made me want to press that call icon and hear his voice when he said my name.

‘I’m so glad you are doing well. I watched your last interview… I believe she makes you happy.

I wanted him to know how much he still meant to me. How much I wanted to get back to him and not let him go despite the pressure. Why did it have to be so difficult to have someone whom you love, and who loves you back? I was a coward. I was a coward to stand up for us. I was a coward to text him back. I was a coward to receive his calls. I was a coward to even watch him on the TV, let alone go and support him. Was it all my fault that things ended up like this?

I don’t know how I ended up falling asleep. I pulled up the shades to find it was raining. Oh, shoot! I completely forgot about Emma’s lunch. Warming up the porridge, I took it to Emma. She was playing with her plushies. She had those big beautiful hazel eyes of her mother's. Wish I could ask Emily to meet her. But asking Emily for anything would be making the same mistakes over again.

“Was my baby girl hungry?”, I asked, putting the bowl on the table. “Look, I drew a picture of my friends”, she bought me a sheet of paper.

It was a cute doodle of three stick figures with a large face and a red crayon scribbled all over saying Emma's friends.

“Aw, look at you! It's so beautiful Emma”, I hugged her, putting the paper on the table. “Can I show this to my teacher?”, she asked, with those adorable puppy eyes. “Of course, darling! She will love it”, I smiled, “Probably she will give you a sticker too”. Her eyes lit up at my words. “Will she?”, she asked, excited. “Of course, but you have to complete your lunch”, I put her on my lap, “Otherwise the teacher will not be happy. She might not give you your favorite sticker”.

She took a big spoon of porridge and ate it. “If I do, will… will she give me a five star sticker, daddy?”. I nodded, brushing her hair with my fingers.

In the evening, my sister arrived as she did on most days whenever she did not have a date.

“God! It's raining cats and dogs out there”, she complained, coming to my music studio. “Hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow”, I replied, going back to listen to a few of my interviews, “And please can you remind Lizzy to take care of Emma for me tomorrow?” “Sure”, she replied, “When’s the interview?”. “11, and then I have a few things to take care of with my manager. Anyway, how was work?”. She groaned, taking a beer out of the cooler, “What do you expect? Anyway, I have got tickets for this weekend to go to Henry’s concert”.

I paused. I had not thought about him for barely a day and a half, now she brings up this.

“With your date?”, I asked. “Yeah, but his sister is coming as well. You know she’s a huge fan… I thought I could bring you too”, she said, smiling brightly. “Why are you doing this?”, I sighed, getting up from my chair. “Come on Lucas. I’m sure it will be fine. You need this, trust me”, she came to me holding my hand in hers, and rubbing it softly with her thumb for comfort. “I can’t”, I said. “Please, at least for me… I really want you to go with us, please”, she pleaded. “All right”, I let my hand go.

She did a small victory dance as I chuckled.

The interview was again filled with the same mundane questions. The host did not really care to show too much excitement, and neither did I. I was hoping my manager would not realize this. And then again Henry’s question popped up. It had become a ritual for the entire industry to question me about him and about him. The moment I walked out, the paparazzi surrounded me. My security guard managed to make my way to my car and opened the door.

“What are your thoughts on Henry’s world tour?”

“Do you think ‘We were young’ was dedicated to you?”

“Have you been dating recently?”

“When is your next album going to be released?”

“When can we expect a world tour?”

“Is Emma staying with you or Emily?”

“Do you and Henry plan to meet this weekend?”

“You were spotted outside a therapist's office last week. What do you have to-“

I rolled up the window, shutting down all the questions. Taking off my glasses, sighing deeply. If only I could keep my private life out of the public eyes… I was definitely not letting Emma get into this. I made sure the public got the least information out of anyone about her. She is the last person I want them to target. She’s too small to be exposed to all this crap. I was glad I had help to support Emma whenever I was busy. And she, too, was a very understanding and calm kid who did not throw tantrums or annoy anyone in my absence. She behaved very well, and I could not be more grateful about it.

My manager was not fixated on the new topic other than the album. It was Henry coming to the town. The more he talked, the more frustrated I was getting. It was four hours since he started speaking, in which at least two hours we spent talking about Henry for no reason at all. The moment it reached my limit, I stood up from my seat.

“What if he is in the town?”, I asked, stopping myself from shouting. “It wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for you going to his concert”, he replied, calm as always. “Look, I have already told my sister I’m going, I ain’t changing it for you and the stupid management”. “But Lucas, you are still not over him and… the media will-“, he was cut short. “So, what now?”, I yelled.

I can not take this any longer.

“It will affect you and the management, so-“, he stopped, rephrasing himself, “You need to calm down, how about we talk a-“.

“Management, is it? Alright then if I hear any more of this bullshit, I’m getting off this s**t”, I started walking. “But the new contract-“, he started. “Do I look like I care?”, I was definite, I looked like a mad man furiously walking towards him and grabbing his collar, “Listen up buddy, I just signed this new contract because it had no clause regarding my past personal matters, now if you or anyone tries to get it back, I swear… I swear to god-“, I stopped, gritting my teeth studying his pale face.

With one deep breath, I let him go. He looked so scared for once.

“Sorry”, I mumbled, walking out of his office. I could feel my heart beating faster than ever in the past few days and there was a knot in my stomach.

Sitting in the car, I drove it to a nearby pub. It seemed crowded by the amount of vehicles parked in the parking lot. I zipped out my spare hoodie and put all my hair into the beanie. Putting on my mask and sunglasses, I walked out. Pubs are perfect to relax without too many people watching you. The dimly lit atmosphere gave me enough freedom to sit quietly in a corner and rethink.

I ordered a whiskey. The low jazz music filled the atmosphere with the distinct talking and laughing of the people surrounding me. As I looked outside the window, I saw someone familiar walking past the window on the pavement. My heart suddenly skipped a beat. Even with the man having a totally different style now, I could figure out who it was. Soon the door of the pub opened, letting in a few people. I scanned to see if it was him in the crowd. It was not. For some reason, I wanted him to enter. I wanted to see him again. In a couple of seconds, the door opened again. It was him.

My heart started beating faster, but this time it was not out of rage. It was different this time. He walked straight to the bar counter, and talked to the woman, probably giving orders. I realized how a decade ago we both happened to hang out here in the early evenings just to hide from paparazzi when we were in the town. Memories started flooding, my mind became fuzzy, unable to think straight. I did not realize I was staring so hard at him that it caught his notice. He did not think twice about walking towards me with his beer as he effortlessly slipped off the stool.

“Hey mate”, he greeted, his smile cheeky as ever. Those dimples were still irressitable. As he took off the glasses, I could see his ocean blue eyes even in the dark. “Hey”, I smiled.

He pulled the chair across from me to sit closer to me. I could see his eyes were moist, but he was keeping them up well. I tried hard not to let out my emotions. Even with all these years of denial and trying to move on, seeing him next to me now made me want to have what we had initially, even if it was all a secret, trying to cover all the evidence up with pranks and jokes.

“I… I missed you”, I uttered. One more word and I would break down. “You’re hands”, he said.

I could see they were trembling. He grabbed mine tightly like he never wanted to let go. “I missed you too”.

There was a long silence. He kept rubbing his thumb in circular motion over mine.

“How is Emma?”, he asked, breaking the silence. “She’s doing good”, I replied. “You might have heard I have a concert this tomorrow”, he said. “Yeah”, I replied, pausing for a brief moment before resuming, “I and a few others are attending”. “I see”, he replied.

A small smile formed on his lips as he stared down at his beer. Even in the chaos, when with him, it was calm and peaceful. I just couldn’t wrap my thoughts around the fact that I could not move on. No matter how many people I tried dating, no matter the topic being brought up over and over again in therapy, I just could not. It felt so wrong not to have him around all this time and now this feeling of contentment is overwhelming me too much. Too much that I abruptly got up from my seat. He looked confused.

“I guess I… I think I should be leaving”, I said. “Did I say something to make you uncomfortable?”, he asked, worried. “No, no... its just that I have to… head back home”, I replied, walking. “Let me walk you out”, he followed me to catch up my pace.

I reached the parking lot, and spotted my car. The moon was up now, yet it was slightly cloudy. The cool breeze blew across the town. I could hear the honking and vehicles of the busy street. Upon reaching the car, I turned around to face him.

“It was nice meeting you”, I said.

Why did his face have to look so beautiful under the moonlight? His skin was porcelain, and those locks so dark peaking out of his hood.

“Same here”, he replied, his gaze etched upon mine.

He leaned in so slightly, before looking down at my lips. “Can… can I-“, I cut him short by giving a quick peck at his lips.

“I-I should go”, I shook my head, stuffing my hand in my pocket for the car keys. “Um, I will give you a backstage entry pass for tomorrow”, he said. “I don’t think I’ll-“, I started. “I’ll be waiting after the concert”, he winked, giving his cheeky smile and walked back in.

I sighed, trying not to smile. I should be moving on from him, but here I was doing the exact opposite.